Daniel Somers was a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom and served with Task Force Lightning, an intelligence unit. He ran more than 400 combat missions as a machine gunner in the turret of a Humvee and interviewed Iraqis and insurgents alike. When he returned, he had PTSD as well as traumatic brain injury and several other war-related conditions. On June 10, 2013, he wrote the letter below to his family. A heartfelt and heart-breaking account of pain and memories that he could not overcome. He tells his family that “I was made to participate in things, the enormity of which is hard to describe. War crimes, crimes against humanity.” You may have seen this but if not it is worth reading. It is worth considering the unfathomable cost of these wars that our politicians, including Obama, allowed to continue for years despite little sign of progress. Men and women like Daniel have paid the cost of a cynical political calculation.
I am sorry that it has come to this.
The fact is, for as long as I can remember my motivation for getting up every day has been so that you would not have to bury me. As things have continued to get worse, it has become clear that this alone is not a sufficient reason to carry on. The fact is, I am not getting better, I am not going to get better, and I will most certainly deteriorate further as time goes on. From a logical standpoint, it is better to simply end things quickly and let any repercussions from that play out in the short term than to drag things out into the long term.
You will perhaps be sad for a time, but over time you will forget and begin to carry on. Far better that than to inflict my growing misery upon you for years and decades to come, dragging you down with me. It is because I love you that I can not do this to you. You will come to see that it is a far better thing as one day after another passes during which you do not have to worry about me or even give me a second thought. You will find that your world is better without me in it.
I really have been trying to hang on, for more than a decade now. Each day has been a testament to the extent to which I cared, suffering unspeakable horror as quietly as possible so that you could feel as though I was still here for you. In truth, I was nothing more than a prop, filling space so that my absence would not be noted. In truth, I have already been absent for a long, long time.
My body has become nothing but a cage, a source of pain and constant problems. The illness I have has caused me pain that not even the strongest medicines could dull, and there is no cure. All day, every day a screaming agony in every nerve ending in my body. It is nothing short of torture. My mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression, and crippling anxiety, even with all of the medications the doctors dare give. Simple things that everyone else takes for granted are nearly impossible for me. I can not laugh or cry. I can barely leave the house. I derive no pleasure from any activity. Everything simply comes down to passing time until I can sleep again. Now, to sleep forever seems to be the most merciful thing.
You must not blame yourself. The simple truth is this: During my first deployment, I was made to participate in things, the enormity of which is hard to describe. War crimes, crimes against humanity. Though I did not participate willingly, and made what I thought was my best effort to stop these events, there are some things that a person simply can not come back from. I take some pride in that, actually, as to move on in life after being part of such a thing would be the mark of a sociopath in my mind. These things go far beyond what most are even aware of.
To force me to do these things and then participate in the ensuing coverup is more than any government has the right to demand. Then, the same government has turned around and abandoned me. They offer no help, and actively block the pursuit of gaining outside help via their corrupt agents at the DEA. Any blame rests with them.
Beyond that, there are the host of physical illnesses that have struck me down again and again, for which they also offer no help. There might be some progress by now if they had not spent nearly twenty years denying the illness that I and so many others were exposed to. Further complicating matters is the repeated and severe brain injuries to which I was subjected, which they also seem to be expending no effort into understanding. What is known is that each of these should have been cause enough for immediate medical attention, which was not rendered.
Lastly, the DEA enters the picture again as they have now managed to create such a culture of fear in the medical community that doctors are too scared to even take the necessary steps to control the symptoms. All under the guise of a completely manufactured “overprescribing epidemic,” which stands in stark relief to all of the legitimate research, which shows the opposite to be true. Perhaps, with the right medication at the right doses, I could have bought a couple of decent years, but even that is too much to ask from a regime built upon the idea that suffering is noble and relief is just for the weak.
However, when the challenges facing a person are already so great that all but the weakest would give up, these extra factors are enough to push a person over the edge.
Is it any wonder then that the latest figures show 22 veterans killing themselves each day? That is more veterans than children killed at Sandy Hook, every single day. Where are the huge policy initiatives? Why isn’t the president standing with thosefamilies at the state of the union? Perhaps because we were not killed by a single lunatic, but rather by his own system of dehumanization, neglect, and indifference.
It leaves us to where all we have to look forward to is constant pain, misery, poverty, and dishonor. I assure you that, when the numbers do finally drop, it will merely be because those who were pushed the farthest are all already dead.
And for what? Bush’s religious lunacy? Cheney’s ever growing fortune and that of his corporate friends? Is this what we destroy lives for
Since then, I have tried everything to fill the void. I tried to move into a position of greater power and influence to try and right some of the wrongs. I deployed again, where I put a huge emphasis on saving lives. The fact of the matter, though, is that any new lives saved do not replace those who were murdered. It is an exercise in futility.
Then, I pursued replacing destruction with creation. For a time this provided a distraction, but it could not last. The fact is that any kind of ordinary life is an insult to those who died at my hand. How can I possibly go around like everyone else while the widows and orphans I created continue to struggle? If they could see me sitting here in suburbia, in my comfortable home working on some music project they would be outraged, and rightfully so.
I thought perhaps I could make some headway with this film project, maybe even directly appealing to those I had wronged and exposing a greater truth, but that is also now being taken away from me. I fear that, just as with everything else that requires the involvement of people who can not understand by virtue of never having been there, it is going to fall apart as careers get in the way.
The last thought that has occurred to me is one of some kind of final mission. It is true that I have found that I am capable of finding some kind of reprieve by doing things that are worthwhile on the scale of life and death. While it is a nice thought to consider doing some good with my skills, experience, and killer instinct, the truth is that it isn’t realistic. First, there are the logistics of financing and equipping my own operation, then there is the near certainty of a grisly death, international incidents, and being branded a terrorist in the media that would follow. What is really stopping me, though, is that I simply am too sick to be effective in the field anymore. That, too, has been taken from me.
Thus, I am left with basically nothing. Too trapped in a war to be at peace, too damaged to be at war. Abandoned by those who would take the easy route, and a liability to those who stick it out—and thus deserve better. So you see, not only am I better off dead, but the world is better without me in it
This is what brought me to my actual final mission. Not suicide, but a mercy killing. I know how to kill, and I know how to do it so that there is no pain whatsoever. It was quick, and I did not suffer. And above all, now I am free. I feel no more pain. I have no more nightmares or flashbacks or hallucinations. I am no longer constantly depressed or afraid or worried
I am free.
I ask that you be happy for me for that. It is perhaps the best break I could have hoped for. Please accept this and be glad for me.
Daniel Somers
Daniel was just 30 years old.
marv = moron
Obama and Bush are one in the same. Don’t be a dingbat Marv. Note: If this was sarcasm then my apologies. Bush and Obama circlejerk in dark rooms.
John Rohan, when I click your nom de plume I get a two page advert and ‘how to’ in japanese about credit cards. What’s up? If your posting is trolling I must say it’s very well done. One wonders though about your posting as well as Mr. Somers, are you talking about ‘war crimes’ under the old standards or the new (Yoo et al) standards?
So many people claim they are “supporting the troops” when all they do is send them to war. These same people are the ones that refuse the vets the care they need and ignore them when they return. I won’t mention names, we know who they are.
I posted this to Reddit link to this article, and I’ll post it here too.
OK, like Daniel Somers, I am also in the Army intelligence branch. Like him, I have also deployed to Iraq (in fact, going by the date stamp of the photo, I was there the same time as him). And like him, I also spent a great deal of time interviewing/interrogating local Iraqis.
This letter bothers me because it is terribly vague. It never says what the supposed war crimes were, never says how or why he was “forced” to do them, never says what his ailment is, and why the military isn’t giving him treatment, and also goes into very Reddit-like criticism of Cheney, as well as strong hints of support for marijuana legalization. IOW, he is all over the map. But if he had a brain injury, that is understandable.
But about war crimes, I don’t know what he’s referring to specifically, but my response is the same that I give to anyone who says they could never join the Army, because they don’t want to be complicit in war crimes: THEN DON’T COMMIT WAR CRIMES!! No one is “forced” to commit them, and in fact, they can/will be prosecuted for doing so. Saying you were “following orders” is no defense if the order was illegal.
In two tours in Iraq and one in Afghanistan, I have never committed a war crime, nor have I even been asked to.
Now, someone that is into conspiracies might speculate that the records weren’t kept as well as a bunch of them being destroyed, because troops were maybe being sent into places they shouldn’t have bee, or ordered to do things they shouldn’t have or were using munitions that will come back to bite them in the butt later. Depleted uranium munitions are causing a huge number of babies to be born with severe to fatal birth defects in Iraq. That’s what the Iraqi doctors are attributing the unprecedented number of birth defects to anyway. I wonder if cancer in unusually high numbers is going to be a problem for vets in the future.
In any event, the missing records are impeding the pursuit of claims through the VA the article says. Just another outrage in an otherwise outrageous situation.
**
“U.S. Army promises to locate lost Iraq, Afghanistan records that keep veterans from getting benefits”
…. “The moves follow inquiries from the committee’s leaders after a ProPublica and Seattle Times investigation last year reported that dozens of Army and National Guard units had lost or failed to keep required field records, in some cases impeding the ability of veterans to obtain disability benefits. The problem primarily affected the Army but also extended to U.S. Central Command in Iraq.
McHugh, in his letter to committee leaders, said that while the Army had kept some of the required records, “we acknowledge that gaps exist.”
And in an enclosure responding to specific questions from the committee, McHugh confirmed that among the missing records are nearly all those from the 82nd Airborne Division, which was deployed multiple times during the wars.” continues
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/07/12/u-s-army-promises-to-locate-lost-iraq-afghanistan-records-that-keep-veterans-from-getting-benefits/
For those who love to put the blame solely on Obama are wrong and you know it. This lies in all the presidents, politicians, and war profiteers shoulders prior to, during, and after Obama… Including Obama. The neglect of our servicemen and women upon returning from war, any war, (we’re still dealing with Vietnam backlash) is shameful. Disgusting. Inhuman. Very very sad!
ANOTHER CORPORATION AGENCY LINKED TO MASSIVE SUICIDES
http://www.ozexposed.com/component/content/article/50-news/105-could-you-be-the-next-ian-henke
And now the winner of the Peace Prize will saunter into another war in the MIDDLE EAST with no clue with whom he is dealing or any thought about what the end will be. Is it arrogance, stupidity or are our “leaders” so controlled by the corporate interests who see war as a profit center for which on the small have to pay? It is hard to tell but it is the same we become more brutal with every passing day.
Cry the beloved country. American, where have you gone?
My tears are with this young man’s family.
mahtso 1, July 12, 2013 at 1:27 pm
This is tragic in and of itself, but if Mr. Somers truly was involved in war crimes, the second tragedy is that he could not (or would not) work to bring justice to the perpetrators of those crimes. (Which is not intended as a judgment about Mr. Somers, but rather is a statement of opinion.)
WHAT PART OF THE LETTER IS IT YOU DIDN’T UNDERSTAND?
is it this part?
I was made to participate in things, the enormity of which is hard to describe. War crimes, crimes against humanity. Though I did not participate willingly, and made what I thought was my best effort to stop these events,
or maybe this part?
To force me to do these things and then participate in the ensuing coverup is more than any government has the right to demand. Then, the same government has turned around and abandoned me. They offer no help, and actively block the pursuit of gaining outside help via their corrupt agents at the DEA. Any blame rests with them.
oooooooooh wait i guess it is this part
Lastly, the DEA enters the picture again as they have now managed to create such a culture of fear in the medical community that doctors are too scared to even take the necessary steps to control the symptoms. All under the guise of a completely manufactured “overprescribing epidemic,”
HOW DARE YOU SIT BEHIND YOUR COMPUTER AND HAVE SUCH AN OPINION.. obviously the brain washing has worked wonders on you!!!!
have you not heard of mk-ultra? do you not know the real reasons lincoln, johnfkennedy, martin luther king, and many other politicians really died? wait heres the 1,000,000,000 question do you understand who really runs the corporation formerly known as the government? i doubt it or you would not have such an opinion. how about christopher dorner did you read his manifesto? if not i can get you a copy.
have you not begun to understand about the one world government and those involved in it and why?
every war ever fought was instigated by THE GOOD OL USA GOVERNMENT. either to punish a country for not submitting to its will or to plunder their reserves. doesnt it cross your mind to wonder how only a select few has manged to get even wealthier while the rest of us are getting poorer?
did you not notice the moment all members for higher office stop being regular people but multi millionaires and billionaires who only care about their interests?
do you not know the names of those who really run the corporation and now want to run the world?
the names of those who own hollyweird? the music industry? lame stream media? and most importantly all the major banks? if not look them up.
do yourself a favor and never have an opinion that demeans the millions of men and women who lost their lives,minds,limbs, and faith for rights and freedoms they themselves don’t have. The true heros of the world the men and women who believed in the lies told them and the promises made of a better world only to find out much different. imagine being able to be trained at 17 to kill but cant smoke a cigarette nor have a drink, nor go to a club because they’re to young. but they are old enough to kill in wars based on lies and no its not something that has just begun with bush.. it actually began with eisenhower,
Imagine finding out about corruption inside of a government that pledged to serve and protect and when you stand up to tell the truth expose the lies and cover ups now you’re a terrorist. and be darn sure they are going to get you one way or another. ask Bradley Manning, Edward Snowden and the many others who have tried, such as ted gunderson, phil Schneider, Albert Rik, and Andy Perry, Brice Taylor, svali, and many others.
Matthew,
The f-word is verboten and ensures your comment is not posted. Replace and repost.
Els DL, I too have done a 180′ on the draft, not he corrupt old farce that lets a Cheney get 5 deferment because he had other plans but a real draft – no fortunate ones, no Senator’s sons; but everyone between the age of 18 and 25 with no exemptions.
This because we can commiserate about morality and wisdom and the way things ought to work and how the need for war should be determined but I’ve heard that since Vietnam and it’s all BS. The situation hasn’t gotten better, it’s gotten worse. Now, the VA is broken too. I knew a lot of vets from WWII and Vietnam and while they did have their gripes they could get some assistance, though occasionally grudgingly, from VA. Not now.
I’m anti-war and as a couple of my postings in the past alluded, to a good extent anti-soldier-mentality. But this situation is morally unconscionable and has been for a long time. Maybe having the sons and daughters of our political and business elite handed a gun and swept away to some hell-hole to be damaged beyond repair would make a difference. That’s my entire motivation for wanting to reinstate the draft. It’s the only form of accountability left for those that so cavalierly send others off to die.
Updated/Caution Graphic images:
Michael Beaton,
The Retrepo movie was outstanding. Scary, but outstanding. Those were some brave guys manning that outpost.
Michael Bolton – thank you. I will look at that. And you are right, there is nothing enjoyable about this. I am hoping that the, in my humble opinion, great American Hero Edward Snowden will begin to wake people up about our government and the two completely and hopelessly corrupt parties that have captured the system for their own enrichment.
The folks defending these parties really need to wake up. The lefties hate the Bushes and excuse everything Obama does and the Righties hate Obama and Clinton and excused everything the Bushes did.
We will have a hope of changing our situation when the rank and file supporters of both parties wake up and realize that they are EXACTLY THE SAME PEOPLE – they talk differently but nothing they do is different. Bush started this war, Obama kept it going. They have the very same masters, and the very same goals.
@Eric and others…
Re your comments about our system, the seeming futility of voting for different parties and expecting different results et al…..
I want to recommend to you Dan Carlin and his exquisite, and interesting conversations he has on these matters. His most recent podcast dealt with the David Brooks article about the Egyptians and their inability to have a democracy. From this starting point he makes some very interesting and poignant points about nature of our own democracy and its proclivities to accrue power.
And you’ll find his overall motiff is precisely in keeping with the sentiments you and others have expressed. I think you’ll enjoy them. (If that is the right word…hard to enjoy any of this really, but there it is…)
http://www.dancarlin.com//disp.php/csarchive
Michael
What a pickle the USA put itself in… War crimes, unaccountable, endless wars fomenting more endless wars, yet still unaccountable.
As long as our “leaders” are unaccountable for the gravity and enormity of their sins against humanity, our troops will be made to suffer.
Comey gets a job promotion, another soldier takes his own life…
HOW DO WE TURN THIS AROUND?
Michael Beaton – Kleptocracy is the answer to your question and, I have recently discovered, most of mine as well. Our leaders in both parties allow these companies and individuals to become fabulously wealthy feeding the beasts of war for the same reasons they allow them to poison our food with chemicals and genetic modifications, destroy our water table to obtain natural gas, kill us with dangerous medications . . . the list goes on – and, I might add, the list does not change when the party holding power changes.
Democrats and Republicans are exactly the same at their core – they worship Mammon above all else and, since our particular implementation of “democracy” allows these parties to both gerrymander the system to ensure they each have their turn in office while excluding all third parties (you can’t even participate in the debates if you are not one of the two parties’ candidates) – we get a Kleptocracy.
One last comment and then I’ll step down: It is stories like this, and even ones not quite so extreme but equally moving, that expose the glaring lie, and heartless inhumanity that is the endless call to war by the likes of Sen. McCain and his group of warmongers. (And others of course)
Iran: More war! Syria: More War! Libya! Send the Troops! Stop the Iraq War? Hell no, more War! Leave Afganistan? Way to soon. 10 more years!
The Banality of War Mongering.
There is a bromide that says ‘when the only tool you have is a hammer all your problems look like nails’.
We must, truly we must, get past the point where force, military might, and then war, is the first and last consideration of our problems.
I am thinking of Bush on the heaps of the towers proclaiming in that ignorant voice of his “I can hear you, the rest of the world hears you! And the people! And the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon! ” And later “…they hate us for our freedoms…”.
As a nation, as a “western” civilization, we must do better than this when looking the various forces and relationships in play.
Maybe something else might have been able to be accomplished with the $4 TRILLION DOLLARS and counting expended on these quixotic adventures.
In systemic terms we must examine our goals, needs, and constitutional predicates. As it is we are spinning out of control on so many levels that war and authoritarian rule will soon be the only viable response. Or maybe that is the regime we are already entered into and it just has yet to mature and manifest? 1933?
We need to start telling the truth : about our selves, and about our world, and resist the black and white (they are black , we are white) analysis that passes for wisdom and energizes our responses in our corridors of power.
And that power that is supposed to have derived from the people? the citizenry? That too must be re-established.
But. It likely will not. It is too profitable in too many ways to hold onto our box of nails.
One of the comment posts above simple said ‘I weep’. I join you in the lament.
Michael