Woman Allegedly Assaults Man With Ceramic Squirrel For Failing To Buy Beer

Submitted by Darren Smith, Guest Blogger

Ceramic SquirrelIn what otherwise would be seen as a string of words generated from a random joke generator, it is true authorities with the Charleston County Sheriff’s Office in South Carolina report that a woman allegedly did just that.

Deputies reportedly arrived at the home of Helen Williams and found a man covered with blood. Williams stated to deputies he fell and cut himself however was not able to explain why her hands and clothes were bloody. But stranger issues were afoot

Deputies reported that Williams became angry with the man after he returned home without buying beer; the stores being closed during the Christmas holiday. She then grabbed a ceramic squirrel, beat him over the head with it, and then stabbed him on the shoulder and in the chest with what remained. Williams was charged with domestic violence.

With the demise of the squirrel it may never be known where the beer nuts are buried.


ABC News

21 thoughts on “Woman Allegedly Assaults Man With Ceramic Squirrel For Failing To Buy Beer”

  1. I believe that the stats reveal that women initiate phys conflict at somewhat similar levels but due to obvious differences in size and strength, are overwhelmingly the recipients of injury. So…I guess this is multifaceted.

  2. If I may speculate, I suspect that the beer he failed to buy was to supplement the beer already consumed.

    People do some very squirrelly things when they’ve had too much to drink and then they run out of alcohol.

    Sorry, I just couldn’t stop myself. Low hanging fruit … er, nuts. You know what I mean.

  3. Actually, the author of “The Myth of Male Power,” Warren Farrell, is not an anti-women’s rights activist. In fact he had worked for NOW, prior to writing that book, because he had a staunch reputation for equal rights. His alienation from NOW had everything to do with his honesty, after refusing to subscribe to what he believed were NOW’s underhanded tactics and altered statistics, designed to benefit its cause and favorable legislation. Anyone who has actually read this well researched book knows that Dr Farrell is not anti-women’s rights. He may be anti-hanky panky, but he certainly is not anti-feminist.

  4. RobinH45 1, December 29, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    wow beaten with a squirrel by a nut. wonders never cease lmaooo
    Or beaten by a nut with a squirrel.

  5. Bron, With the prosecutor’s office, of course. But civilly, I worked quite a few domestic abuse cases. There are many lesbians in Madison. It’s the SF for gay women. Well, they can get REAL jealous. Of course, all types of relationships have jealousy and abuse, but I bet I worked 8 or so lesbian abuse civil damages cases. They were nasty cases. The depositions were almost like a Jerry Springer Show. I learned a lot about the culture.

  6. I’m not sure why men being beaten by women is always done in a “jokey” manner. I’m sure the victim is not laughing. Domestic violence is about 50/50 with women being the abusers half the time. Men put up with it for the same reasons women do. Abusers make their victims feel worthless. Men often stay for their kids. If they leave, they have little chance of seeing their children and they’re leaving them with an abusive person. There aren’t any shelters for abused men and they’re not allowed to stay at the shelters for women. Even if a man tries to defend himself by restraining the woman, if the cops are called the man is usually the one arrested. Before you write another of these “ha ha” man-beaten-up-by-the-little-woman stories, try to educate yourself first. You wouldn’t find this so funny if it was your son, brother or friend.


  7. Ceramec squirrel lessons for girls: First, hold the squirrel by the feet and break it over the guy’s head, knocking off the squirrel head, leaving a jagged edge; Two, slash him where ever ya can with jagged edge; Three, go for the….

  8. SC how proud.
    Domestic violence is indeed a serious issue and there is no doubt that men are sometimes victims but the suggestion that they are the majority of victims is simply wrong. As to male power, it is hardly a Myth but the author of the Myth of Male Power would certainly like everyone to think so. He is an anti women’s rights activist and is attempting to craft his own set of myths to support his argument.

  9. spinelli, if you had read “The Myth of Male Power,” female on male abuse is actually dominant. Just saying.

  10. nick:

    did you ever get involved in domestic abuse cases?

    I once knew a guy in college, his name was Norm, a real sad sack and nice guy but kind of a loser. He used to tell me stories about how his wife battered him, I couldnt believe he put up with it, I guess love is a powerful thing.

  11. I had a neighbor who was the victim of spousal abuse. It turned out his wife had serious psych issues. I get the humor in this story, and I’m laughing a bit myself. But seeing this guy I know and really like, beaten on his driveway, and being a good man and not hitting back, was tough to watch. He blocked most of the swings, got into his car and drove away. This happened more than once. Just sayn’.

  12. Now there’s a weapon choice you don’t see everyday. Thankfully she didn’t own a 1:1 scale ceramic walrus.

  13. Male domestic victims, while not nearly the problem as female victims, are still an issue. I know there is one gent here who can attest to this, if he cares to share.

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