By Darren Smith, Weekend Contributor
Crime solver, Detective Todd Zink, caught a recently released inmate red handed; saving John Q. Taxpayer and the state treasury a tidy fortune.
Suspecting that this sly cad might have lifted something before she was released from jail, Detective Zink showed an impressive level of clairvoyance when his tough, streetwise diligence tracked her down before she could fence the loot to the underworld. The theft of this treasure, as with other fine works of art and antiquities to the illicit international art market, would represent an unparalleled loss to the culture of our great republic.
We invite you to read on, for another exciting chapter of Detective Zink, the Eliot Ness of Florida.
Behold my dear readers, the treasure that nearly slipped away:
The crime, theft: The scene, Manatee County Jail Booking/Release: The loot, a Spork.
Detective Todd “Eliot Ness” Zink wrote the words of this great story for us. His case report tells of his all-seeing, and all-knowing mastery over the criminal mind, which led not only to the theft but was successful in extracting a confession out of the perp. Yet he showed great humility in leading an otherwise wayward young woman away from a life in crime through penitence.
In his own words, Detective Zink’s inspiring account:
The “Perp” was released from the MSO jail on 12/17/14 at 0641 hours. On 12/24/14 I was browsing Facebook and saw a post and picture in the news feed from “the perp” of a spork that she had stole from the jail when she was released. The picture was of the spork with the comment “just a pic of a souvenir I picked up from my 6 month vacation.” Ensuing comments from “the perp” included, “port manatee” and “it wasn’t easy to get out with me….that’s for sure!!!” On 1/2/15 I went to her address listed in JMS, but I did not locate her. On 1/5/15 I called the number for her mother that was listed in JMS, and left a voice mail asking for “the perp” to call me back, which she did, about an hour or so later. I asked her if she had taken something with her when she left and she said she did and apologized for doing so. I asked her if she would return it in exchange for not filing charges and she did so on 1/6/15, leaving it at the Guard Shack as I requested. The value of the spork is around $.02. Since it is unknown how “the perp” transported the sport out of the jail, I marked it as a “biohazard” and put it into Property and Evidence to be destroyed.”
CRIME SOLVED, dear friends!
Finally! The citizens of Manatee County can rest at night; assured that all is well in their communities. For it is because of the efforts of strong men like Detective Zink that county residents now have the lowest crime rate in the United States as every policeman who serves there has nothing else better to do.
Every criminal and misdemeanant will now think twice before attempting even the most mediocre of transgressions because a cunning detective is watching. His name is Zink and he carries a badge (and a laptop).
By Darren Smith, Weekend Crime Reporter
The Smoking Gun
Joey “The Snitch” McCulsky
Donny Twelve Toes
The hyperbole expressed in this posting are the author’s alone and not those of the blog, the host, or other weekend bloggers. As an open forum, weekend bloggers post independently without pre-approval or review. Content and any displays or art are solely their decision and responsibility.