By Darren Smith, Weekend Contributor
When a driver reportedly amped up on methamphetamine and heroin drives his Beemer through a mall on the eve of the fortieth anniversary of the filming of the Blues Brothers, you have to wonder if it was a serendipitous synchronicity, a mission from God short on planning, or just a typical workday in East Wenatchee, WA.
According to witnesses and a probable cause affidavit, the adventure began with the thirty-one-year-old suspect driving around the parking lot of the Wenatchee Valley Mall apparently looking for a vacant stall. Finding none, he then drove straight for the main entrance and smashed through.
After his grand entrance, he had a change of pace–adopting a more casual approach to shopping mall destruction…
Police say he hit “a couple tables and chairs and when he went down and turned around he struck the building and put a small indent in the wall, but it was very minimal.”
“He drove super calmly and as if he was on a normal stroll through the mall just checking things out,” said an employee of Harry Ritchie’s Jewelry.
The suspect exited the mall through the same entry-point and was arrested two blocks later.
A partial video may be seen below.
While I am glad nobody was injured and the property damage was small admittedly I am disappointed: such enormous potential entertainment value only to go out with a fizzle. And where was the city during this pursuit? The suspect simply pulled over a block away. At least he could have had the common decency to try to make it up to Waterville at the county clerk’s office to save the Penguin’s orphanage from foreclosure. Pine Canyon has plenty of places to dispose of used patrol cars crashing over guard rails. There were no Washington Nazis, Good ole Boys, or thrown piston rods. We can do better. But then again we had to suffer a “Cousin Oliver” type kid in Blues Brothers 2000 so I guess we must inevitably live in the midst of lowered expectations these days.
Still, what I wouldn’t have given to be in the mall’s office during the event. You see the car come through, people moved out of the way, and you call 911. You can only sit there and watch the TV monitors; kind of in the manner of the “no point in steering now” scene from Bob & Doug McKenzie’s “Strange Brew”. Just kick back and put the Blues Brother’s Theme Music on the PA system. It would be lovely, I’m sure.
In the end it seemed our Elwood wannabe realized he showed tepid resolve in furthering his mission from God after he arrived at the PD. He reportedly, while still handcuffed, tried to escape by running through the building before he was tackled. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a ruler available to mettle out a commensurate punishment.
Corporal punishment notwithstanding, the city charged our penitent with DUI, Hit and Run, Possession of a Controlled Substance (Methamphetamine), Possession of Drug Paraphernalia, and Reckless Endangerment. A judge set bail at a quarter of a million dollars.
Things could have been worse. We could be in Camden, NJ on the 55th anniversary of “Faster, Pussycat! Kill ! Kill !”
By Darren Smith
Source: Wenatchee World
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