A Chance for Hunter Biden to Make Amends for Navy Joan & Unleash His Inner Hans Holbein

By Darren Smith, Weekend Contributor

Facing a daunting child support case over his previously denied child, Navy Joan, world renowned artist and presidentially prodigal son Hunter Biden might finally have a solution to the costs associated with his progeny, and protect a family name he guards so jealously.  He only needs to channel the artist within to leave his hapless young daughter without….yet provided for.  Mr. Biden, summon your inner Hans Holbein!

Northern Renaissance Artist Hans Holbein the Younger, (c. 1497 – 1543) is considered one of the premiere portrait artists of the sixteenth century, the namesake of his father Hans Holbein the Elder of equal renown and skill. Like the younger Holbein, Biden the Younger was not without his art critics but both “Youngers” did manage to acquire wealthy customers vying to commission their respective works. Mr. Biden might command prices far beyond what either Holbein might have imagined, much less earned.

In particular interest to Mr. Biden’s legal problem could be one of Holbein the Younger’s more famous works. “Portrait of the Artist’s Family”, shown above, offers a mood and setting that even today can reflect upon contemporary issues facing artist Biden. The c. 1528 painting depicts what many historians have interpreted to be the sort of sadness, and longing of Holbein’s children and wife presumably forsaken and left for lonesome by an artist driven by a need for travel, the company of kings and the politically powerful, and acquiring earthly pleasures available for the taking.  That was at least until a time of reckoning which may have influenced his portrayal of his own family, and guilt might have guided his brush.

There are differing historical interpretations of Holbein’s “family”. One school of thought holds the artist, accustomed to portraying those who commissioned his works with ample flattery at the expense of truth, he instead with his wife and children revealed the candor of actuality showing a melancholy spouse, Elsbeth Binzenstock, resigned to her fate of continual sadness of having been effectively abandoned; their son Philipp yearning for his father who’s promise of return is always just another day away; to their daughter Katharina, too young to understand yet ignored none-the-less.

495 years ago was a different age, and men and the expectations of them were somewhat different than those of today. Which is why artist Hunter Biden might behold a renaissance moment to resurrect the artistry of the past and become the type of limelite seeking father for today’s great expectations: One who provides for his child yet can still kick her to the curb ungraciously.

Mr. Biden could simply summon the wealth and expertise of the entirety of the sycophantic, politically connected, access seeking art community to do his bidding. He could schedule a showing of a unique series of paintings with a promise that “All proceeds will be given to the benefit of the Navy Joan Trust”–minus of course a small 10% commission for “The Big Guy”–to once and for all give a gigantic wad of cash to this unwanted child, so that her virtuous father may go about his life forever in peace, cleansed of the burdens of honorable fatherhood.

Higher bids might be realized by the use of sympathy through portraying a saddened child. There is also a market in the political world to buy access and favoritism regardless of the artwork’s topic or quality. Then of course there is the Biden Sycophant market; quick to assign labels of evil for all who question the president or his son and also willing to bail the two out regardless of cost.  Biden the Younger surely can curry favor in all three markets.

Suggested titles and prices might include:

  • “Denied by Father who Refused Thee a Name” $5,500,000
  • “Happy Family: or, A Completely Blank Canvas” $5,250,000
  • “Four Year Old Child Deserving of Universal Scorn” $8,890,000

He could even just flick splotches of paint in the style of Jackson Pollock for a production line kind of offering to the masses…$100,000 each and the chance to spend the night in the Lincoln Bedroom or obtain a sinecure with an exciting Eastern European conglomerate. “Bid high, and bid often”, as they say, and whatever the motivation might be for any of these actors: Navy Joan will be financially provided for, Mr. Biden will be off the hook, and some will achieve undeserved access or favor.

After only a few days of painting, this particular genealogical issue of Hunter will no longer be THE issue. They can then both go their separate but unequal ways.

By Darren Smith

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