It appears that Adolph Hitler and Josef Stalin are continuing their respective reigns of terror. Governments are planning a cull of so-called “Nazi Raccoons,” which were introduced by Hermann Goering to Germany in 1934 to “enrich the Reich’s fauna.” The raccoons are actually imports from America. In the meantime, England is also fretting over the movement of huge numbers of “Stalin crabs” toward its shores.
The Nazi raccoons have spread across Europe — ironically in the same path of the German invasion — through France, Belgium, Holland and Denmark.
The raccoon were actually secured and released by Baron Sittich Von Berlerpsch released at the encouragement of Goering. Back then they were known as wash-bears.
The crabs ordered by Stalin to be introduced in Russian waters are appropriately called “red crabs.” Some chefs relish the crabs, here. However, countries like Norway have complained that they threaten their resources and other aquatic life, here.
The problem is that a new Churchill can hardly announce: “We are waiting for the long-promised invasion. So are the fishes.” They are after the fishes and everything else!
11 thoughts on “Blitzkrabs: Europe Threatened by “Nazi Raccoons” and “Stalin Crabs””
animals are bad. get rid of them.
But where are the toads?
There ought to be toads.
Quick, send in the toads.
Not sure Mojo, but Mitt Romney will be glad to shoot them.
But then who will eat the racoons? Is Mike Huckabee available?
To stop the crabs we could deploy Rock snot. It’d keep them from getting a good foothold. For the Raccoons, I’m thinking they could let a couple of packs of Coonhounds go feral.
Send in the Cane Toads!!
That is so TRUE! They might be too fresh for the raccoons though. I see them go through the garbage and they always seek out what’s further down the pail and pitch the fresh stuff on the top!
So I take it now is not a good time to introduce my new line of “Swastika Starfish”?
Maybe they can get the raccoons to eat the crabs.
My personal favorite invasive species factoid is that all Starlings in the U.S. are descended from the pair released in Central Park in an attempt to introduce every bird mentioned in Shakespeare.
This is all Ronald Reagan’s fault for telling Mr. Gorbochov to tear down that wall.
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