Blitzkrabs: Europe Threatened by “Nazi Raccoons” and “Stalin Crabs”

It appears that Adolph Hitler and Josef Stalin are continuing their respective reigns of terror. Governments are planning a cull of so-called “Nazi Raccoons,” which were introduced by Hermann Goering to Germany in 1934 to “enrich the Reich’s fauna.” The raccoons are actually imports from America. In the meantime, England is also fretting over the movement of huge numbers of “Stalin crabs” toward its shores.

The Nazi raccoons have spread across Europe — ironically in the same path of the German invasion — through France, Belgium, Holland and Denmark.

The raccoon were actually secured and released by Baron Sittich Von Berlerpsch released at the encouragement of Goering. Back then they were known as wash-bears.

The crabs ordered by Stalin to be introduced in Russian waters are appropriately called “red crabs.” Some chefs relish the crabs, here. However, countries like Norway have complained that they threaten their resources and other aquatic life, here.

The problem is that a new Churchill can hardly announce: “We are waiting for the long-promised invasion. So are the fishes.” They are after the fishes and everything else!

For the raccoon story, click here and here.

11 thoughts on “Blitzkrabs: Europe Threatened by “Nazi Raccoons” and “Stalin Crabs””

  1. To stop the crabs we could deploy Rock snot. It’d keep them from getting a good foothold. For the Raccoons, I’m thinking they could let a couple of packs of Coonhounds go feral.

  2. palindrome,

    That is so TRUE! They might be too fresh for the raccoons though. I see them go through the garbage and they always seek out what’s further down the pail and pitch the fresh stuff on the top!

  3. So I take it now is not a good time to introduce my new line of “Swastika Starfish”?

  4. My personal favorite invasive species factoid is that all Starlings in the U.S. are descended from the pair released in Central Park in an attempt to introduce every bird mentioned in Shakespeare.

  5. This is all Ronald Reagan’s fault for telling Mr. Gorbochov to tear down that wall.

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