Ok, I have been a criminal defense attorney for over two decades but I am not sure how you charge this crime. In Thomas Township, Michigan, police arrested a 29-year-old man for “receiving sexual favors from a vacuum” at a car wash. As Hoover once advertised, “Nobody does it like Hoover.”
While money was exchanged, it is probably not solicitation or prostitution. While the vacuum is probably less than ten years old, there is no violation with a minor. Bestiality is out of the question, even if it was a Dyson DC15 Animal Vacuum Cleaner.
It is simply a sign of a declining society when men turn to vacuums when there are plenty of park picnic tables available. In his defense, however, some of these vacuums have always been vamps with amps. Consider the Fragramatics that boast being on “a pedestal” with “full service fragrance dispensers.” Is it surprising that a man is caught in flagrante delicto with a fragrance dispensing, pedestal posing machine set to shag?
For the full story, click here.
Thanks to Sally for the reminder on the Hoover slogan.