Urine A Lot of Trouble: Minnesota Man Sprays Teens with Fox Urine

thumb_fox_red_foxNow, this is what you call a case of first impression. In Willmar, Minnnesota, Scott Wagar, 50, was upset with kids toilet-papering his house in that common homecoming adolescent practice. He decided, therefore, to spray them with . . . . fox urine.

Wager was arrested for in Kandiyohi County District Court for misdemeanor assault and other charges. Police say that he donned night vision goggles to carry out his urination ruination plan. He reportedly also struggled with one teen who he says grabbed him from behind.

Technically, he used a one-third fox urine, two-third water mix — preferred by all teen-spraying homeowners. I have been working on possible defenses since this would constitute both criminal assault and common law battery in tort. One would be that Wager was really marking his territory as other males in the animal kingdom. Another is the Castle Doctrine — which admittedly usually involves in shooting people and not peeing on them.

The biggest problem, however, may be the large number of foxes in the area during mating season. Horny foxes vs. playful teens . . . it is a tough call.

For the full story, click here.

9 thoughts on “Urine A Lot of Trouble: Minnesota Man Sprays Teens with Fox Urine”

  1. I’m with B. Why weren’t the kids charged with trespassing and why is the man being charged for spraying them with stinky water – because they were illegally trespassing on his property? A group of teens could have even done him harm as well. It was actually being reasonable – in my opinion.

  2. 1776resister:

    I am just guessing that you voted for the presidential candidate that reminded the rest of the Country of the old, cranky, fist-shaking white guy who is always chasing the kids off his lawn–just like Mr. Wagar.

    Love the moniker. So descriptive. Were you around back then, I am sure you’d be taking on those nasty young insurgents who dumped all that tea in the harbor, and then had the audacity to take on the prevailing power structure in London.

  3. These 15 or 20 young adults are worthless to the fifty year old. They do nothing for him. He gets nothing from them. Three times his private property is dis-respected with toilet paper where in he must clean up the vandalism. He catches this group in the act and mets out the punishment for their actions. The consequences, as it were. They were not harmed but taught a ‘odorous’ lesson in pranksterism. Don’t do the crime if you can’t stand suffering the humiliation or consequences of the deed. I wouldn’t punish Scott Wagar at all. The stupid kids are piss-ant whiners, I hope they liked the aroama of fox piss.

  4. On the issue of damages, one has to note that there are three weeks left in deer season. If any of these kids still had a deer to tag, it won’t help that they smell like fox testosterone.

  5. So if he had shot them instead he’d be in a legally better position? Why aren’t the kids being prosecuted for trespassing and damaging the mans home over several years? Obviously the police were helpless in the matter if it happened so many times.

  6. O.K., some people may conclude that this is the cranky neighbor but there may be a more plausible reason for, a deeper significance to this action. The following question was raised about dogs but most likely applies here as well:

    “Why on Earth did 17th Century Dutch painter Emanuel de Witte repeatedly depict dogs pissing on columns inside of churches?”

    Answer (at least one good one):
    According to a dutch museum newspaper, The metropolitan thinks it ‘probably signifies that mundane matter, even in the body of the church, is nothing compared to the spiritual world that the building represents.’

    The most famous example is Rembrandt’s etching, The Good Samaritan at the Inn, in which a shitting dog appears very prominently in the foreground. According to the Met Museum site, it ‘adds a note of everyday reality to the biblical scene'”

    From this I conclude that Mr. Wagar was celebrating the holiday, taking things up a notch with the use of fox instead of dog urine. He was teaching these youngsters that they needed to live a more spiritual, less toilet paper encumbered life. His method is novel, but his message of juxtaposition between the spirit of the holiday and mundane existence is sublime!

  7. Wasn’t it Edward G. Robinson who famously said: “Look out or I’ll let you have it with my fox urine, see?”

  8. Yikes! At least he didn’t taser them! And I thought fox urine was used to deter animals from getting into your garden! Who knew that it would be used for Homeland Security purposed!

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