The Barkley Defense: Yes, I’m Drunk But I’m Horny Too

2_62_barkley_charles_mugNow, in the library of curious celebrity defenses, Charles Barkley takes the cake. When stopped for drunk driving in Arizona, Barkley explained that he would not have been speeding except for the need to have oral sex as soon as possible.

The criminal indictment recalls how Barkley explained that he was in a hurry to pick up a girl who was proficient at oral sex and was rushing to a more private location to park. It is always dangerous when a client starts out by telling the police “you want to know the truth?” Of course, telling Charles Barkley that he has a right to remain silent is a bit ridiculous. It is not the right but the will to remain silent that is lacking.

Someone needs to explain to the basketball celebrity that oral sex is not like speeding where your girlfriend is about to give birth. Generally, this is not viewed as an exigent circumstance by the courts or the cops. Finally, the offer that he made to tattoo the name of an officer on his buttocks is not generally successful defense offer in these circumstances.

For the indictment, click here.

For the full story, click here.

33 thoughts on “The Barkley Defense: Yes, I’m Drunk But I’m Horny Too”

  1. BUT WHO WILL THE NUTS AT MSNBC, KEITH OLBERAMNN, RACHAEL MADDOW, AND CHRISSY MATTHEWS BE CHEERING FOR? IT WON’T BE THE ISRAELIS SINCE ALL THREE OF THEM DESPISE ISRAEL ALONG WITH 70% OF DEMOCRATS!

    January 2, 2009

    Israel set to begin ground war against Hamas in Gaza

    Israel is poised to launch a major ground offensive into Gaza tonight after allowing hundreds of foreigners living in the devastated territory to evacuate.

    After a week of air strikes that have killed at least 420 Palestinians and left scores of buildings in rubble, the Israeli army was set to fling hundreds of troops and tanks into a blitz to stamp out Hamas’s military wing, The Times understands.

    Despite the looming onslaught, more Hamas rockets – which have so far killed four Israelis – were fired into southern Israel today.

    The Islamist group vowed that its attacks, which have lasted for years and which finally provoked the massive Israeli campaign, would not stop.

    “I call on the resistance to continue pounding Jewish settlements and cities,” said Sheikh Abdelrahman al-Jamal at the funeral of a hardline Hamas political leader killed, together with his four wives and 11 children, in an Israeli air strike on his home.
    “We will remain on the path of jihad until the end of days.”

    The funeral was held outdoors because an earlier air raid had smashed the mosque where the service was due to take place. Israel said the building had been used to stockpile weapons.

    Among the mounting Palestinian death toll today were three young brothers, aged between seven and 10, who were killed in one of the 30 or so strikes carried out by Israeli warplanes across the strip.

    All along the border, Israeli tanks and troops have turned fields into makeshift camps from which to launch their offensive into Gaza. The Government has already mobilised more than 6,000 reserve troops and has given the green light to call up almost 3,000 more.

    Artillery barrages were also being fired into the strip while aircraft dropped bombs on open ground that the army will need to cross, and where Hamas has placed mines and dug tunnels to allow its guerrillas to outflank the invaders.

    Support for Operation Cast Lead is sky high in Israel, with polls showing that almost 85 per cent of the public backing the campaign.

    There is also majority support for expanding it into a ground campaign, despite the dangers of high casualties in an urban battlefield against highly trained and motivated guerrillas waging war on their own turf. Almost 42 per cent of Israelis wanted the army to move in, while 39 percent favoured a continued air campaign.

    Hamas has an estimated 15,000 fighters who have used the 18 months that they have controlled the strip to hone their skills and transform a militia into a small army. Hamas’s military wing has been waiting for a ground offensive to face the Israeli army in open combat, despite Israel’s vast military superiority.

    The onslaught has provoked large anti-Israeli demonstrations around the world, with protest rallies held today in India, Indonesia, Turkey and Australia.

    But Hamas’s call for a “day of wrath” in the Palestinian territories produced only a lukewarm response in the face of clampdowns by Israeli security forces.

    Several thousand protesters marched through the West Bank city of Ramallah, while in East Jerusalem youths threw stones at Israeli security forces and some 50 women demonstrated outside the Friday prayers at al-Aqsa mosque.

    The demonstrators directed their anger principally at their own Palestinian leaders, and heads of Arab countries whom they felt had not done enough to stop Israel’s seven-day incursion into Gaza.

    “Abbas is with the Jews, not with the Arabs. If he really was supporting and working in favour of our Arab brother’s in Gaza, this wouldn’t have happened,” said Um-Mahr, a 66-year-old resident of East Jerusalem.

    Akram Jwaeibis, 58, said Arab leaders today were afraid to do more than voice criticism of the Israeli government’s actions. “Most of them just talk. That is why we are waiting for Nasrallah. Or Haniyeh to do something more than talk.”

    Diplomatic efforts to contain the crisis were growing after Israel’s surprise offensive in the days after Christmas caught the world off guard. “We are working toward a ceasefire that would not allow a re-establishment of the status quo ante where Hamas can continue to launch rockets out of Gaza,” said Condoleezza Rice, the outgoing US Secretary of State.

    “It is obvious that that ceasefire should take place as soon as possible, but we need a ceasefire that is durable and sustainable,” she said.

    A high-level European delegation is due in the region at the weekend, as were Nicolas Sarkozy, the French president, and Tony Blair, the international community’s envoy to the Middle East.

    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/middle_east/article5434559.ece

  2. mespo727272
    1, January 2, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    “Where do you get those great avatars,and how do they work?”

    Well the Avatars are just pictures of me. All except for the one I had up last week of the late great Harvey Lembeck, aka Eric Von Zipper. The current one is me when I was like 8. I’m wearing my Captian Kirk Dress gold tunic. Try buying one of those now. I was going to leave my current pic up but too many people complained about my not so sweet visage so I figured a little Wayne was easier on the eyes.

    As for how they work I just signed up with WordPress. Its easy and you can just add them to your profile after that.

  3. waynebro:

    “Hell if I had that much money I’d have the limo drive me home so I could keep boozin all the way.”

    *********

    Me too, but see my law of “making lots of money” above. I think his goose is pretty much cooked given these facts. Remember we lawyers can’t change facts, just spice them up a bit!

    Where do you get those great avatars,and how do they work?

  4. mespo727272
    1, January 2, 2009 at 7:55 pm
    waynebro:

    “I think that’s right under their implied consent law, but it is only a civil infraction by refusing in most states. You lose your license for a year, but a guy like Barkley can afford the driver–hell even the limousine.”

    I see. And given Barkley’s bucks his attorney probably could argue illegal search or something on it. I’ve heard that law in MD is contestable. As for the limousine I’ve never understood why rich types like this get DUI’s. Hell if I had that much money I’d have the limo drive me home so I could keep boozin all the way.

  5. waynebro:

    I think that’s right under their implied consent law, but it is only a civil infraction by refusing in most states. You lose your license for a year, but a guy like Barkley can afford the driver–hell even the limousine.

  6. Donald,
    I know facts are not important in your troll world, but Barkley is a Republican and was considering a run for office in Alabama as a Republican.
    Mespo,
    It is amazing how some people can’t keep their mouths shut to save their lives. I did like his unique defense attempt. Who would have thought of the tattoo of the butt defense, other than the Round Mound of Rebound?

  7. In Maryland if you refuse an alcohol test I think its an automatic revocation of your drivers permit. Isn’t that right?

  8. Lest you think that it takes smarts to make lots of money, I give you exhibit A to the counter argument. According to the report, Barkley’s bodyguard, a police officer, advised him previously not to take the field sobriety test for DUI. Also at the time the test was offered Barkley was only guilty of disregarding a stop sign and had a “strong” (it’s never “weak” or “medium” btw, and I defy anyone to persuasively articulate the differences) odor of alcohol emanating from his person–not enough evidence to convict for DUI in most states. However our sports millionaire took the field tests and the blood test and likely convicted himself. Who needs lawyers? Barkley did.

  9. Democrat U.S. governors seek $1 trillion federal assistance
    Fri Jan 2, 2009

    PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) – Democrat Governors of five U.S. states urged the federal government to provide $1 trillion in aid to the country’s 50 states to help pay for education, welfare and infrastructure as states struggle with steep budget deficits amid a deepening recession.

    The governors of New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Ohio and Wisconsin — all Democrats — said the initiative for the two-year aid package was backed by other governors and follows a meeting in December where governors called on President-elect Barack Obama to help them maintain services in the face of slumping revenues.

    http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE5014F120090102

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE! NOW WITH A DEMOCRATIC CONGRESS AND A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT IN 3 WEEKS, DEMOCRATIC GOVERNORS OF FIVE STATES WANT 1 TRILLION (TRILLION!!!!) DOLLARS IN BAILOUT MONEY!

    hAAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHEWEEE! OH GOD I AM GOING TO BE SICK!!!!!!!!

  10. I met Mr Barkley back in the mid 90’s in the food court of a mall in Utah. He was there with a few other team members, standing near the Shaved ICE stand munching some ICE and flirting with what appeared to be a gaggle of local school girls. The oldest looked 17. I remember asking for his autograph when he told me to “shove off, can’t you see I’m busy” and went back to getting telephone numbers from some of the girls.

    A week later I read in the Salt Lake Tribune that he and the other players were in trouble for possible sex with underage girls in a Utah Hotel room. I don’t recall how the story played out but I do recall losing all respect for the man that day.

    1. Waynebro emailed me to say that his prior entry was not posted. All comments are posted without review unless pulled for preview by the spam system. I am not sure where this one went to but here is Waynebro’s entry:

      ” I met Mr Barkley back in the mid 90’s in the food court of Crossroads Mall in Salt Lake City, Utah. He was there with a few other team members, standing near the Shaved ICE stand munching some ICE and flirting with what appeared to be a gaggle of local school girls. The oldest looked 17. I remember asking for his autograph when he told me to “shove off, can’t you see I’m busy” and went back to getting telephone numbers from some of the girls.

      A week later I read in the Salt Lake Tribune that he and the other players were in trouble for possible sex with underage girls in a Utah Hotel room. I don’t recall how the story played out but I do recall losing all respect for the man that day.”

      Waynebro

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