eurocuptrophy80mm2008Well, the results are in and weeks of defamatory attacks on our opposing bloggers and the unrestrained use of the politics of personal destruction have paid off: the Turley blog was voted the Number One law professor blog and legal theory blog in the annual survey of the American Bar Association’s survey. Earlier, it was selected as one of the top 100 legal blogs overall. That is not bad for a blog that is only roughly a year old and it is entirely due to our regulars at the cyber bar we called the Turley blog. Your overindulgence, obsessive compulsiveness, and general lack of restraint have made us what we are today, a group of dysfunctional miscreants. But we are now the Number One dysfunctional miscreants in our category. Well done Team Turley (if I may be so bold). Not to overplay the victory, but this is the first key step to total blogosphere domination and eventual control of the time space continuum.

Here is the finishing line up:

1. JonathanTurley.org
2. Mirror of Justice
3. TaxProf Blog
4. Professor Bainbridge
5. The Faculty Blog (University of Chicago)
6. The Feminist Law Professors
7. The Becker-Posner Blog
8. Balkinization
9. Concurring Opinions
10. ACS Blog
10. PrawfsBlog
12. The Conglomerate
13. The Lessig Blog
14. Law School Innovation
15. Empirical Legal Studies

Now for my victory speech:

“Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the [the survey]. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth. I have been in [teaching for over] seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans.

“Look at these grand men. Which of you wouldn’t consider it the highlight of his career just to associate with them for even one day? Sure, I’m lucky. Who wouldn’t consider it an honor to have known Mespo? Rafflaw, Patty C, Mike Spindell, FFLEO, Jill, Buddha is Laughing, WayneBro, Bob, Vince, Sally, Seamus, Sherry, RCampbell, Gyges, Mojo, MASkeptic, jonolan, BuelahMan, C.Everett Kook, LindyLou, Mike Appleton, . . . Sure, I’m lucky.

“When the Giants, a team you would give your right arm to beat, and vice versa, sends you a gift – that’s something. When everybody down to the groundskeepers and those boys in white coats remember you with trophies – that’s something. When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter – that’s something. When you have a father and a mother who work all their lives so you can have an education and build your body – it’s a blessing. When you have a wife who has been a tower of strength and shown more courage than you dreamed existed – that’s the finest I know.

“So I close in saying that I may have had a tough [blog], but I have an awful lot to live for.”


  1. Excuse me if I get a little teary here, but I’m quite moved.

    ” … this is the first key step to total blogosphere domination and eventual control of the time space continuum.”

    And I think I speak for all of us when I say, that’s pretty much been our goal this whole time.

    Three cheers for JT!

  2. Congratulations, Prof.

    When mastery of the space/time continuum is achieved, I’d like to placed in charge of entropy. Just a request. If it doesn’t come together, hey, I understand sometimes things just fall apart. It occurs to me that with someone else in charge of entropy, life wouldn’t have to be this way. If you already have someone in mind for Secretary of Entropy, I’d be interested in the Generalissimo of Gravity position too. Who needs the illusion of political power when you can wield that basic forces of the universe, muahahahahaha!

  3. via para-time space/time continuum communicator:

    Congrats, Prof!

    You are a big hero here, and a relief from basic cable.

    D.B. Cooper

  4. Well I had a vision last night and was able to copy it to the net. In it our famous parliamentarian gave both congratulations and a challenge. I consign it to us all!

    Viva Pax Turley!!

  5. And as just one word of caution, I have it on good authority that Empirical Legal Studies will not take this lying down. They are even now amassing their spreadsheets on the borders.

  6. I hope you are asking Karl to design your overlord costume? Great news, and well deserved!


    I’ve got a shredder moat waiting for those spreadsheets. They won’t get far.

  7. Jill:

    Stand ready and do not shred until you see the whites of their pages. I nominate you for Defender of the Faith.

  8. Prof. Turley,
    Congrats on the achievement. It has been fun being part of the assault on the time/space continuum. Don’t fret, we will defeat the T/S Continuum crowd before too long. As to the rumored imminent attack from the evil Empirical Legal Studies regime, we have nothing to fear, unless they use Geometry based weapons. I hate Geometry!

  9. “We Lived to Tell the Story: Lebanon Rescued Us: Cynthia McKinney”

    My personal, and I know the group’s, thanks must go to Al Jazeera, that allowed three of their reporters to be onboard with us on our voyage. As a result, Al Jazeera carried the story of the Dignity live, from castoff in Cyprus when our spirits were high, right up through the manacing maneuvers of the huge, super fast Israeli ships before they rammed us, ………… Al Jazeera carried our story as “breaking news” and performed a real service to its audience and to us.

    What a total farce! McKinney had THREE Al Jazeera “reporters” on the vessel when they tried to run the Israeli blockaide! Unbelievable that Mr. Turley would put this on his blog without the little details like Al Jazeera being the ones doing the reporting of the incident along with the likes of Cynthia McKinney! This is an insult to every Israeli alive & dead!

  10. >This is an insult to every Israeli alive & dead!

    Got hyberole? Imagine the nerve of al Jazeera being there with cameras rolling to show that what Ms McKinney claimed to have happened actually happened.

  11. Rcampbel: I am just happy that it was a complaint about Al jazerra. I thought the Turley blog coming in first was viewed as an insult to every Israeli alive & dead.

    Michele: I resent that. I have plenty of nutters from other channels.

    Jill: Indeed, Karl is making me a Mussolini-like uniform made out of baby chinchillas.

  12. I noticed that Balkinization lists dozens of links to other sites, but there is no mention of Jonathan Turley dot org.

    Why do they fear the Turley site?

  13. How warmly I bask this morning in vicarious glory. Yes there is a small voice in the back of my brain saying “today the ABA award tomorrow the universe,” but our collective patience is infinite as we bide our time. Most importantly the Professor has received his precious and knowing his intestinal fortitude we can be assured it will only be used for good. I would request for all of us a picture of it, no doubt residing on his mantel, so that we can further exult in our labors to honor his continuing fight for legal justice and sanity.

  14. 670 to 256?

    That’s not a win; that’s a juristic spanking (so to speak)

    Congratulations Professor Turley.

    You truly deserve the honors; if only as karmic payback for refraining from screaming profanities while attempting to help Olberman on Countdown alert the nation on Countdown how the Bush Administration was shredding the Constitution.



  15. Congratulations JT and All on The Turley Team!

    Victory Deserved Indeed!

    As the great Willie Mays once said:

    “It isn’t hard to be good from time to time in sports.
    What’s tough is being good every day.”

    It is highlight to spend time with as you all are good every day!

  16. Oops-

    More like : You are All so good everyday it is always a highlight spending time with you!

    You Bet’cha!
    (such as some people can’t afford maps; such as in the Iraq…)

  17. What wonderful news! Yes, the Constitution needed a strong spokesperson, and we cheer at this house when we hear you on the TeeVee. This blog is addicting! Where else can we learn the real story behind things like the doctor’s fatmobile! I’m still laughing. And the extra second–I would never have known if not for this blog.

    Thank you for allowing me to float on your cosmic balloon, it’s an honor. Knowing you’re such a family guy, let’s talk a little Steven Hawking.

    “The universe could be seen as a kind of huge, rapidly inflating balloon, with the stars and galaxies moving around the surface like points….

    As far as Hawking was concerned, the essential thing was the probability that our furiously vibrating cosmic balloon would have developed somewhere, at some time, a bulge in its side similar to an aneurysm. This “aneurysm” could billow forth and, expanding indefinitely, create an entirely new universe. Hawking called this new entity a baby universe.

    ‘The field of baby universes is in its infancy,’ Hawking joked once at a seminar, then he typed into his computer, ‘but growing fast.'”

    From Masters of Time by John Boslough.

    I appreciate your ambition regarding the time-space continuum, but please don’t think of me when looking for a nanny for infant universes. I’m strictly an Earth mother.

  18. Hey since we’re so powerful now and omnipotent and all can we look into this new “Travel Tax” thing the state of Oregon is trying to pull?

    It seems the State feels that not enough taxes are collected on fuel for the new more fuel efficient vehicles so they want to start taxing how much a person drives. And here’s the rub.

    You’d think they’d do it by simply counting your odometer every year at some sort of vehicle inspection station but noooooooo. They want to install some sort of GPS TRACKING DEVICE in all new cars!!! This tracking device won’t (supposedly) be like a TomTom or something and track you street by street, but it will tell them when you are in certain “ZONES” and it will tell them WHEN you are driving the car!!!

    This seems to me to be a milestone in the path towards a police state. I cannot in my wildest dreams imagine anyone allowing this in a free country but apparently its on the board in the state of Oregon and several other states as well.

    Can’t we do something to stop this? This is unconstitutional.

  19. As the accolades pour in worldwide, let me add my praise for your contributions to the new field of canisprudence, and please consider a submission for the forthcoming Canine Law Review, to be published by the law students at Rover Veternary Law School.

    “No one knows your dog is on the internet.”

  20. Turley, you and the regular commenter’s here should all be justifiably proud to be acclaimed the the “Number One Dysfunctional Miscreants” in any category. I can only hope some of that dysfunctionalism will rub off on me for hanging around here.

  21. For BigFella:

    “For over a thousand years Roman conquerors returning from the wars
    enjoyed the honor of triumph, a tumultuous parade. The conqueror rode
    in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before
    him. And a slave stood behind the conqueror holding a golden crown and
    whispering in his ear a warning: that all glory is fleeting.”

    –From the movie Patton.

    The heck with that. Let the cyber party begin!!

  22. Big Fella 1, January 3, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    “Turley, you and the regular commenter’s here should all be justifiably proud to be acclaimed the the “Number One Dysfunctional Miscreants” in any category. I can only hope some of that dysfunctionalism will rub off on me for hanging around here.”

    I was already pretty much a dysfunctional miscreant when I got here.

    But even pro’s need practice once in a while.

  23. The win represents a bit more than 400 of the small MSNBC audience wackos doing what they were told by Rachael Maddow & Keith Olbermann. I would be ashamed of winning in such a manner.

  24. brandon 1, January 3, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    “The win represents a bit more than 400 of the small MSNBC audience wackos doing what they were told by Rachael Maddow & Keith Olbermann. I would be ashamed of winning in such a manner.”

    Yes, Rachael appears to me in my room every evening with wacko instructions and brainwashing devices.

    …only in these visits, she’s mysteriously hetero.. temporarily.

  25. …or was that wackoff instructions?

    Sorry, it’s a little hazy after she applies the brain-absorber device.

  26. Now this is the kind of stuff I live for. Not only do I get to live vicariously, but I get to do it for someone I’ve never met.

  27. I am confused. Why DID god let a godless, pro-abortion, terrorist loving group win this award? He appears to have sided with some of the same people during the Rose Bowl as well.

  28. Brandon: Rachel and Keith told us to hold a secret poll and…well…you won. I realize this news will probably make you too ashamed to be seen here at the blog again but hey..you won

    Rachel and Keith are actually Wilbur and Eliza

  29. mespo727272 1, January 3, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    For BigFella:

    ‘…The heck with that. Let the cyber party begin!!…’



  30. After knowing you as long as I have, I tremble at your world domination comment. Do aspiring dictators ever actually say that out loud?

    In any case, congats. Open some wine, dance with your wife, and enjoy this accomplishment – you deserve it.

    Everyone else: lets not wait. Let’s get the reconciliation trials setup now.

  31. For the regulars, that Chris Turley is indeed my brother, who (like my late father) is an architect in Chicago. However, my plan for world domination is precisely to guarantee that I do not have to dance at mandatory events. It is already 11 am, so (as always) a bottle of wine is already open at my house.

  32. JT:
    Well Augustus had Marcus Vitruvius to handle his architecture and write the first book on the topic. Judging by his website, Chris seems a worthy successor. Let the commission for the throne room begin, and remember what the French say, “You can judge an [empire] by its statutes and public buildings.”

    Only one question though without a dance floor in the throne room where will those young ladies do the Dance of the Seven Veils ? You really can’t have an empire without that. Maybe holograms will work!

  33. For all the regulars, here is an interesting interview that will let you get to know brother Chris Turley.

  34. Hello Chris,

    I was hoping you would design a castle capable of interdimensional travel. Please put giant fire sconces in it like Stargate does with all their alien ships. I don’t care what the building code says, if you’re going through a wormhole you want to have fire sconces.

  35. JT,

    Here’s a good role model for someone aspiring to world domination. It’s from a sendup of the Hemingway mythos (also celebrity in general) called: I Killed Hemingway by William Henderson.

    “You’re saying Ernest Hemingway was–what, a magician? A warlock? It fits. He was drawn to expert knowledge…Black magic was just one more step along the line he lived on. It started with eating bull balls and drinking hero bloood. One thing leads to another and before you know it you meet a vampire. You experiment a little. And presto–you’re on th other side of the wall, you’re an undead. Cuba is full of that kind of power.”

  36. However, my plan for world domination is precisely to guarantee that I do not have to dance at mandatory events.

    brilliant subterfuge

    If you’re in search of vice-dictator or something, I have a few things I would like to get out of doing as well.

    I’ve been vetted

  37. Yes, we shall make them all bunny hop to our tune (maniacal laugh here). If I were Barry Manilow, I would be assuming a new identity about now.

  38. I’m surprised to see that no one else caught JT’s typo – Mr. Cruise is not the Generalissimo of Gravity, but the Generalissimo of Gravitas!

    And y’all have entirely too … questionable lives to have generated all this banter on a weekend!

  39. And Congratulations! As Bob,Esq alluded to – your margin of victory sets a new standard for space-time continuum breaches. Well done, Prof. Turley!

  40. Gravitas? Cruise? What?

    No, no, no. Only one American actor working today has the right to use the label gravitas and use it legitimately:

    Morgan Freeman

    ‘Nuff said.

  41. Congratulations Prof. Turley! Your blog is great and this award is well deserved. As a former student I read along every day and pretend that I’m still in your class.

    Alas, my only regret is that my 2,000 votes for you weren’t counted! (From the ABA Journal Weekly Newsletter: “Because any online poll can be subject to subterfuge, we instituted a series of checks behind the scenes to make sure only legitimate votes were counted. For a handful of blogs, multiple votes were cast from the same computer in quick succession. Some of those votes came from blog owners, but others were coming fast and furious from computers overseas that were apparently unconnected to the blogs for which they were voting. After voting closed on Jan. 2, we stripped those bogus votes out of the totals.”)

    Oops! Who knew they would figure that out? Consider me an overzealous fan!

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