Academia, Bizarre, Society

Connecticut’s Bubble Boys (and Girls): School Principal Outlaws Physical Contact

200px-bubble_boy_movie_posterPrincipal Catherine Williams has reportedly implemented a perfectly bizarre policy. After a boy was kicked in the groin and sent to the hospital, she announced an absolute “no touching” policy where students may not touch another student at the East Shore Middle School.

Williams sent out a letter announcing the new policy: “Observed behaviors of concern recently exhibited include kicking others in the groin area, grabbing and touching of others in personal areas, hugging and horseplay. Physical contact is prohibited to keep all students safe in the learning environment.” That would ban everything from a high fives to a hug. This has led to protests by students and parents.

I have acquired the new picture of the school uniform for East Shore Middle School to the right.180px-flashsuit

I can personally recommend the hiring of a cadre of nuns by the school to enforce the policy. Having attended many school Catholic dances policed by nuns, I can attest to the success of these ever-present, all-knowing specters in taking students a ruler distance apart. Their success in due in large part to their well-known and well-documented ability to read the minds of teenage boys.

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3 thoughts on “Connecticut’s Bubble Boys (and Girls): School Principal Outlaws Physical Contact”

  1. This woman works in a school right? Around kids? And she’s surprised by their behaviour? Silly woman.

  2. I fully support measures like this. We could use some more physical contact in all parts of society. Outlawing it will, ofcourse, only get more people interested and involved in this newly banned activity. This definitely means more kids will be getting laid tomorrow. Kudos, principal, keep up the good work!

    If only they could ban education/information, then you should see our kids learning!

  3. Prof. Turley,
    I am with you 100% on the Nuns being fully capable of bringing this school under control. I think I still have the marks on my shoulders and my back from countless rulers and yardsticks to prove the effectiveness of their rules. Although, it may be tough to find those kind of nuns anymore, most of them have retired or are on parole and have to be careful!

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