Principal Catherine Williams has reportedly implemented a perfectly bizarre policy. After a boy was kicked in the groin and sent to the hospital, she announced an absolute “no touching” policy where students may not touch another student at the East Shore Middle School.
Williams sent out a letter announcing the new policy: “Observed behaviors of concern recently exhibited include kicking others in the groin area, grabbing and touching of others in personal areas, hugging and horseplay. Physical contact is prohibited to keep all students safe in the learning environment.” That would ban everything from a high fives to a hug. This has led to protests by students and parents.
I can personally recommend the hiring of a cadre of nuns by the school to enforce the policy. Having attended many school Catholic dances policed by nuns, I can attest to the success of these ever-present, all-knowing specters in taking students a ruler distance apart. Their success in due in large part to their well-known and well-documented ability to read the minds of teenage boys.
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