The Real Thing: Germany Bans Red Bull Cola After Finding Traces of Cocaine

170px-Red_Bull.svgGermany is considering a nationwide ban on the high-energy drink Red Bull Cola after traces of cocaine were found in it. The officials of the states of Hesse and North-Rhine Westphalia have stopped the sales until the drink can be produced sans real coke — to the disappointment of many no doubt.

The drink contains a de-cocainized extract of coca leaf. It can now be purchased from guys with cans taped with duct tape around their midsection as the airport.

This certainly explains why Red Bull “gives you wings.”

For the full story, click here.

9 thoughts on “The Real Thing: Germany Bans Red Bull Cola After Finding Traces of Cocaine”

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  3. Isn’t it time that someone drinks a can of Red Bull, jumps off a mountain and sues the makers for misleading advertising when he land in a heap breaking all his bones rather than gracefully flying away.

  4. So unlike Coca Cola Red Bull is indeed the real thing.

    Coke used to be the real thing in the beginning but then the cocaine was removed and only cocainless extract of coca leaves remains.

  5. remember when coca cola had real cocaine in it? that was awesome!

    /doesn’t really remember that.
    // isn’t 110 years old.

  6. Well, was it labeled correctly? Don’t take it don’t need it. Don’t drink it, don’t need it. But this must have been the best zip that they ever had.

  7. “Germany is considering a nationwide ban […]”

    Small nitpicking: this is a matter that is constitutionally in the jurisdiction of the states, so a “nationwide ban” would really mean bans in all 16 states.

    The score so far: 5 states with temporary bans, two states (B-W and Berlin) openly opposed to bans.

    This is actually a good example for the German indulgence in rules for the rules sake. Since there is no threshold value for cocaine in food, these batches of contaminated Red Bull became legally “narcotics”.

    The result are five bans purely for principle despite the fact that everyone agrees that the found traces are completely harmless…

  8. “I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake–which I also keep handy.
    W. C. Fields (1880 – 1946)”

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