Dangerously Cheesy: Couple Arrest for Assault with Cheetos

344px-YummyCheetosA Bedford, Tennessee couple has been arrested for domestic assault. Nothing new there except for their chosen weapon: a bag of Cheetos.

Cpl. Kevin Roddy said that he responded to a call and found Taylor, 40, and Childers, 44, arguing on the side of the road. He said that he was able to conclude that the verbal altercation turned violent when “Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault.” His report states “[t]here was evidence of the assault.’ The report added “however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined.”

It is not clear why Roddy believed that thrown Cheetos merited an arrest, but seems a pretty poor excuse for an arrest. I know that Cheetos are “dangerously cheesy” but that is primarily a marketing claim.

For the story, click here.

16 thoughts on “Dangerously Cheesy: Couple Arrest for Assault with Cheetos”

  1. whooliebacon and Mike S.–OMG, what you guys wrote is hysterical (if that’s not a contradiction in usage)!

    Remind me never to speak ill of dead vegetables or vegetable-like products.

  2. The couple were arrested for bothering the police officer. He obviously had better things to do and so they must pay. Perhaps, he should have tasered them both and left it at that.

  3. Cpl. Kevin Roddy probably thought that Tennessee was a Veggie-libel state. It was, after all, the Cheetos that were impacted. The call probably went out as an 811–food disparagement in progress. Product thrown. Chester down!
    Repeat. Chester the cheetah is down!

    “by Paul Rauber

    If you don’t have anything good to say about fruits and vegetables, friends, you had better not say anything at all, or else the produce industry will sue you for every penny you’re worth. If this sounds like a joke, you must not come from any of the 11 states that have passed “food disparagement” laws, which make it a crime to criticize agricultural products without a “sound scientific basis.” Vegetable-libel laws are exceedingly vague on what constitutes sound science, however; their intent is that you’ll decide to play it safe and keep your mouth shut.”

  4. BuehlahMan,

    LOL! They weren’t sharpened, they were jagged. Kind of like breaking a bottle on the bar before you nail your opponent, only this time, it was teeth that did the trick. 20lb turkey? Why did you freeze it?

  5. I just read an article in The Dallas Morning News where a Sonic Cup full of Ice and Soda broke a windshield as it was being throw at another moving car.

  6. The article does not say whether or not the cheetos were sharpened before the assault.

    My last food assault was with a 20 frozen turkey. I don’t play.

  7. The highway was littered with the remnants of our love.
    Our vows, crushed beneath our feet, turing to yellow dust.

    Pieces rolling crazy down the road, aimless and free.
    Only to be crushed by a truck.

    A little child might pick one up. Her mother yelling for her to stop.
    But it was Cheetos that stopped our love.

    The law has intervenened now against us both.
    Regret, or is that a cheeto?, fills my throat.

    How did it all come to an end?
    Our love, like these Cheetos,
    Blowin’ in the wind.

  8. Well said:

    If you arrest someone for throwing cheetos at each other, you might be a redneck.

    Off of the link.

    Domestic Violence:

    Any victim who has been subjected to, or threatened with or placed in fear of, abuse by an adult who falls into one of the categories set forth in 36-3-601(9)(A) through (F) may seek relief under this part by filling a sworn petition alleging such abuse by the respondent.

    Well what kind of mayhem do you think would have ensued in the movie “Animal House?”

    Do you think that food fights in the school cafeteria would get ya arrested today?

    This is stupid.

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