Men are now down to programming VCRs and DVDs as our only claim on indispensability. Scientists have reportedly created sperm –threatening men with obsolescence.
Scientists used stem cells to create the sperm — a possible solution to male infertility.
However, the prospects for men are not good. This was one of our main arguments for sticking around. We now face extinction at the hands of our female overlords.
This morning I have been particularly active around the house — struggling to justify continued usefulness. I am planning to reset all of the DVD players and electronics and release mice in the house. This all began with that Marie Curie person. Women have been secretly working toward this end for generations despite efforts by men like Gen. Jack Ripper to deny them his “essence.” He warned of the international communist conspiracy to “sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.” He fought and died to “deny women [his] essence” only now to have feminist mad-scientists circumvent the men entirely. The madness, the madness. Oh tyranny, thy name is woman.
Putting aside Fellini’s City of Women, this is precisely what we were warned against in the movie In Like Flint:
For the story, click here
Spontaneous human combustion will get you all the girls Buddha! Of course, only your legs will be left to tell the tale, but what a way to go.
Gyges,
You’d have to see what I consider a serving size of anything coffee related! Yeah, it was a good thing my doc cut me back. Let’s just say if I switched to espresso, at those numbers, vibrating might be less a concern than spontaneous human combustion.
Buddha,
Well I was wrong and I was right… espresso has 2-3 times as much caffeine as the same volume of coffee, but one serving has 1/2 as much as one cup
lol
Yeah, man! You’re shattering my world view!
Gyges, you just went an ruined the placebo effect for Buddha. Please think of the dire consequences of which you speak.
Gyges,
Perhaps eating the beans then? I’ve always thought espresso was higher because of concentration per mol due to there being less water in it than a pot of coffee and but uses almost as much raw coffee although soak time has to affect concentration.
Fascinating.
But I still can’t vibrate as efficiently as an electric motor. That’s why I started playing guitar. 😀
Buddha,
One shot of espresso has less caffeine then one cup of coffee. since the water is pressed through the grounds so quickly, there’s less time for it to pick up the caffeine.
FFLEO,
It’s an issue but the plastic doesn’t bother me as much as the electric motors. I drink a lot of coffee and I can’t make any part of my body vibrate like that. I’ve tried. Alas, it was all for naught. I went for vibrating and all I got was twitchy. Oh the humanity!
Maybe I should switch to espresso.
The most popular name for a woman’s closest confident nowadays is Bob.
Alas, no man alive can stay as firm and last as long as those pick your perfect variable-sized vibrating sex toys named Bob (Battery Operated Boyfriend).
Men, we have been out performed by plastics…That guy telling the Graduate in the 1960s movie that he only needed to remember one word, PLASTICS. That guy, well, he was a prophet and a genius.
Yes, we men are obsolete and we guys over 60 are real dinosaurs…
I think of this as a major offense to the Catholic church. It’s pretty horrifying that men spill their seed naturally, now somebody’s going to make buckets of it, and you know some of it’s bound to spill out.
The Osborne Brothers sing:
“i know the world goes on,
we can’t keep livin’ in the past.
still there’s a thing or two i sure do wish could last.
i’ve got a crazy case of blue nostalgia
remembering mules and corn fields outta my past.
well, you don’t see many mules these days
you don’t see many mules,
and you don’t see many ol’ boys balin’ hay.
i ain’t knocking progress, but it hurts me some to say
that georgia mules and country boys are fadin’ fast away.”
Stay tuned for this research leading to female sperm, which has already been achieved for chickens.
Don’t worry, while spiders exist men will always be necessary!
Synthetic sperm . . . isn’t this how the Neocons got started being synthetic humans? At least it takes them one step closer to Cylons.
Johnathan I didn’t realize you had written this before I posted about the same topic on TPM: http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/coonsey/2009/07/synthetic-sperm.php?ref=recmuck
This is cute.
‘I wished I knew how to quit you’…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YRbuuQdxrw&feature=related
(Brokeback parody)
Hurry, call the science police …
http://blogdredd.blogspot.com/2009/07/science-police.html
During college I interned at Lifetime Television; back when it’s film production department was in its infancy (basically a staff of 4 executives).
Regardless, whenever I entered its headquarters at Astoria Studios, I always felt like saying …
“Hello, my name is Bob. I’m a man. And I’m sorry.”
Good. I hate women, anyway.
(THAT is such a lie).
I love women. Too much to allow this person to cum up with this. They must be spunked, er, spanked.
Oh a Dolly, you have been replaced. Ewe services are no longer needed. We have began where man has already screwed up once and now wants to continue the practice.
Now was Hitler trying to create the Master Race, I wonder if maybe his ideals were a little a head of his time? I know that this may seem like a controversial statement and I apologize for it in advance. But the amount of medical break through’s that were achieved is incredible interesting.
George Amama gets credit for the first Microwave. But if you will read history you will find that it was developed in Germany as well as isotopes, yada yada yada.