Next time you think of kicking that lawn mower, you might want to reconsider. The Defense Department is funding the development of a new line of robots that will be powered by eating organic material on a battlefield, including human bodies. The Robotic Technology Inc.’s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR ) may confuse programmers from foodstuffs, but they can operate without being refueled to operate their steam engine.
I would like to be the first to welcome our carnivorous robotic overlords. I have already seen the future of such inventions and I want to make nice nice:
EATR “can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable.” Ok, they are not designed to feed on human bodies, but I just want to cover my biomass before the overlords get a hankering for humans.
Of course, humans foodstuffs may not simply be robot fuel:
It is not clear where big eatrs might prefer Chinese or Italian or simply eating out generally. It certainly brings a new meaning to Beef Wellington if the dish is not only named after but composed of the honoree. Yet, the eatrs appear to view bodies as more of a form of human sushi — best eaten raw with any other form of fuel.
Frankly, I was surprised that this was not the work of the good people at Halliburton were taxpayers cannot simply pay for such war machines but served as their fuel. Perfect balance of nature.
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14 thoughts on “Big Eatrs: Defense Department Developing Robots Which Can Feed on Dead Bodies”
There are some stories that just make me want to go back to bed, pull the covers over my head and achieve the calm nepenthe that is sleep. This is one such item.
In the words of Seinfeld: “Ow, yeah, I like this idea.”
Sounds like the DoD has been watching Stephen King’s 1986 movie, Maximum Overdrive.
Off topic, but did you read about the aphrodisiac gum allegedly dropped into Gaza? It was a weird news day, flesh eating robots coming soon on the ground and flesh craving gum from the air.
According to the article: “The story came to light after a Palestinian man filed a complaint that his daughter had experienced “dubious side effects” after chewing the offending gum, Israeli media reported.”
NONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOO! This is just wrong on every level. Cannibalistic freaking robots unleashed on your enemies?
Reality is now at the point that we live in the science fiction novels I read starting 50+ years ago. I swear I can not at all time differentiate between real-real and a joke story due to our technological expertise. Is this real-real? And if it is it’s pretty obvious from the article that slow moving or immobilized fuel targets, like wounded, disabled, infants etc. dead or alive, combatants or not, can go into the steam furnace to fuel these monsters. How exactly is it different to melt your enemy into fat for fuel vs soap? W T F ?
Is this some kind of joke story that I’m just not in on or what? Srsly, is this a joke?
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People wouldn’t be bothered by this if they humanize it. Program it so that when it starts eating a body, it plays the sounds of chewing and, “Mmmmmm.” Maybe even belch when it’s done.
What a huge waste of money! Can’t the DOD find better ways to use our tax money? How about actually outfitting our soldiers with the best equiptment possible? Use some of the robot money to build some helicopters that can be used in Afghanistan so we don’t have to “charter” helicopters from private companies!
Hey wait a minute will they have a conscience?
If not we already have our quota serving in DC that I would like to nominate. Pelosi, Bush both of em, Cheney et al. . .
Those bots are going to get fat, like their makers.
Robots are their own stream of life. For us to do this to them is an abomination.
This reminds me of my high school French Class. The teacher became sick half way thru the year and the temps knew no French, so we took it upon ourselves to teach what we felt we needed to know in life.
The only thing that stuck with me after 30+ years is “Manger Moi” (rhymes with “anger toy” in Mississippian), which has no resemblance whatsoever to the French pronunciation.
Mississippi education is better than it is chocked up as.
Queen of Sheba,
Would you like a nice purse to go with the robot you purchased?
YUK!! The defense department can think of more ways to spend more money than my shopaholic sister-in-law. This year the DOD budget is slated to hit over $640 billion. I’m sure this country could think of more useful ways to spend a large percentage of that money than inventing in new ways of engaging an enemy on the battlefield. Maybe if we would stop invading countries we wouldn’t need all those lethal toys.
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