Clementine Cartel Fights for Turf on East Coast

200px-LemonI warned about this lemonade cartel but no one listened after the town of Tulare California caved to the citrus criminal element. Now, New York officials are facing a new cartel on the other coast headed by a shadowy figure known as “Clementine.” Like the Crips and Bloods, the fight over territory is intense and police found Clementine Lee, 10, openly pushing lemonade on a corner. They hit her with a summons and a potential fine of $200, but now apologists rushing to her side.

The not-so-darling Clementine is a recidivist who opened a lemonade last year and is often seen “scoring” customers on hot summer days. Her father, Richard, 49, has been seen helping his daughter break into the business.

Richard says that the police “were very hostile as soon as they approached, saying ‘Where’s your permit? Where’s your permit?’ ”

What is amazing is that onlookers (probably “lemon heads” in police parlance) argued with the officers and objected to the bust.

Now, Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe has knuckled under and withdrawn the ticket. While this little lemon pusher plies her wares in the park, hard-working-god-fearing heroin dealers and porn peddlers will be pushed aside.

In New York, they will sometimes refer to the illegal beverage as “lemon cake” or “Italian ice.” Below is a rare clip of the Lemon Cartels in a New York meeting of the drink dons:

Sure, the lemonade will now be served, but will justice?

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10 thoughts on “Clementine Cartel Fights for Turf on East Coast”

  1. not many people realize the Bloods were originally involved in the ‘Raspberry Mousse with Chantilly cream garnished with citrus’ racket. Their original name was the Blood Oranges.

    true story

  2. Buddha & Gyges,

    Raoul Duke: [Narrating] Ah, devil [hard lemon aide]. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor skills. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can’t control it. You approach the turnstiles and know that when you get there, you have to give the man two dollars or he won’t let you inside. But when you get there, everything goes wrong. Some angry rotarian shoves you and you think “What’s happening here? What’s going on?” And you hear yourself mumbling…

    Raoul Duke: Dogs fu(&’d the Pope… no fault of mine.

    Raoul Duke: [Narrating] {Hard lemon aide] is the perfect drug for Las Vegas. In this town they love a drunk. Fresh meat. So they put us through the turnstiles and turned us loose inside.

  3. Humph! You people do not understand that Big Brother Govmint’ is trying to protect you by extending the American Lemon Law for automobiles to illicit Lemon Ade stands across our great land. That lawyers–especially those ambulance types–would object to this new law extension reaching to illicit brats like lil’ Darlin’ Clementine is astounding.

    Why, they even have Wall Street lemon law firms with lemon lawyers who specialize in lemon law. Bear in mind, who would you turn to if sweet Clemmie or that Tulare-girlie-punk sold you a *lemon* lemonade?

    Why, I would even come out of retirement to become a LemonLEO who got to taste *all* of the lemonade before I tased n’ cuffed little Mafioso ‘lemon standers’ throughout the Nation.

    My Lemon Cop business card reads, Have Taser Will Travel

  4. Gyges,


    You know, this could spell disaster for the biggest lemonade cartel I can think off the top of my head.


    How long until the DoJ addresses their role in this growing epidemic? Sure, it started the cherry limeade. Then they expanded in to varieties to keep the kids interested, like cranberry and mango limeades. Now, taking a tip from the CIA on the whole crack issue . . . now Sonic is mixing their citrus with pure uncut soft serve ice cream. A devilish culinary trap on an industrial scale! And they have the gall to offer their “product” with tater tots! Oh it’s going to be a hot time at the drive in when justice comes to town! And for $.50 extra, you can get cheese melted over it.

  5. Buddha,

    “…once you get locked into a serious citrus-juice-based beverage collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.”

  6. There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an lemonade binge.

  7. Lemon Aide. Next they will go after the Lime Aides. That would be disastrous. Then they will have to send in the Mexican Mafia, Costa Nostra or the MS-13. Then they will know trouble.

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