The Secret of NIMH: Scientists Develop Super-Smart Rat

200px-The_Secret_of_NIMH200px-Rattus_norvegicus_1Scientists have made a breakthrough in research increasing brain activity and memory. They have created Hobbie-J, the world’s smartest rat. Hobbie-j is the result of a sinister organization known NIMH. Ok, it is less sinister when spelled out: U.S. National Institute of Mental Health.

Hobbie-J can remember things 300 percent more than an ordinary rat due to modifying a single gene.

This could either promise huge increases in human intelligence or a race of super rat overlords who will use us as slave cheese makers and cat killers. I want to go on record that the Turley blog will continue its policy of surrendering to any new animal overlords that demand slavish allegiance, here, here, here and here. I just wish someone would tell us whom to surrender to.

Hobbie-J can perform amazing analytical tasks due to the overexpression of the gene NR2B. One only has to compare this performance to the recent Larry King/Carrie Prejean interview to see the inevitable domination of rodent overlords.

For a glimpse into our future, here is a video from the Nimh labs:

For the full story, click here.

43 thoughts on “The Secret of NIMH: Scientists Develop Super-Smart Rat”

  1. Rats are so smart that when a new food source is introduced into their territory they force the oldest and weakest rats to eat first, and then they wait to see if it’s safe. That’s why effective rat poisons take several days to work so that the rats won’t connect the deaths with the food source.

    And somebody wants to make them smarter?

  2. Tom,

    “[A]re the rats smart enough to have Open BSD installed on them?”

    No, but unless you pay the researchers $20 per rat, they do come with Windows pre-installed. I personally prefer a nice blank rat I can program just the way I want.

  3. Byron,

    “But he was like a dog, although he did not eat his own poo.

    I think you just started a poem or story line for Elaine with that one! Tom, that is funny!

  4. I, for one, welcome our new rat overlords!

    (Man, am I the only computer (blog) geek here? Over on Slashdot, there’d be a freaking war to get that line posted first!)

    Just imagine a Beowulf cluster of those smart rats!
    In Soviet Russia, rat traps you!
    yeah, but are the rats smart enough to have Open BSD installed on them?

    Oh, I crack myself up!

  5. Elaine:

    well at least he dosent eat his/her own and it makes the litter box that much easier to clean.

  6. Buddha:

    ok, ok, most dogs eat their own poo. My golden doesn’t but my doxie does, it must be the German in him and their proclivity for “sausage”.

    My GR is actually the reincarnation of my cat JJ, now that was a cat. But he was like a dog, although he did not eat his own poo.

  7. Byron,

    The subject was dogs and cats. Primate poo flinging and consuming is well documented elsewhere in this blog. For examples, I direct your attention to any story involving the Senate. Believe it or not, I almost put in a primate exclusion clause but then I thought, “Shirley, he wouldn’t go with the species most likely to be fecalphiliacs” followed rapidly by “I wonder if he doesn’t like being called Shirley?” Ergo, the one and only correct answer is dogs.

  8. Or,

    So the climax can be when he hits Dick Cheney over the head with a water board (after stopping him from using one the original copies of the Constitution as toilet paper) and says some terrible one liner like “That’s a constitutional use of a water board.”

  9. Nal,

    So the climax can be when he punches Dick Cheney (after stopping him from using one the original copies of the Constitution as toilet paper) and says some terrible one liner like “I bet you’re glad I didn’t use a water board.”

  10. nal,

    To protect the innocent, of course. Not everyone knows about JT’s time as a pirate on the Barbary Coast nor would they understand.

  11. JT,

    Saddly I fear Nal will become an editorial John Henry, they’ll find him collapsed over the manuscript of a fictionalization of your life, still clutching a red pen in each hand.

  12. nal:

    I understand that my subtlety in dealing with Tim in SF is hard to convey in print, so I will ignore your vituperative response. No doubt brought about by my implication that cats are inferior to dogs.

    Good day sir.

  13. Vince–

    Sorry I missed that. I should have had my cup of java this morning before commenting at the Turley blawg.

    I bow to Buddha for his excellent taste in children’s books.

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