The Arresting Look: English Police Denounce “Shrek” Felon as “Too Ugly” for Crime

This is a bit harsh. Police has nicknamed David Holyoak, 33, as “Shrek” and publicly stated that he is “too ugly” for crime and a menace to criminal gangs.


The Manchester man was sentenced to three-and-a-half years in jail for robbery and police officers used the occasion to warn people of entering a life of crime without a more appealing appearance: “This man only needs to look at himself in the mirror to realise crime is not for him.”

The police noted that “[w]ith his big ears and rotund features he stands out a mile, and the officers have no trouble spotting him. He must be a total liability when he is part of a gang. He has already been dubbed Shrek and must be one of the ugliest robbers in the country.”

Jez, officers, the man is already going to jail as a bank robber.

It is clear that English officers are looking for a more handsome criminal element. The ideal must be Cary Grant in It Takes a Thief:

Then there is always Gabriel Byrne in The Usual Suspects:

Then there is John Travolta in Pulp Fiction:

On the female felon side, there is Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct:

For the story, click here.

18 thoughts on “The Arresting Look: English Police Denounce “Shrek” Felon as “Too Ugly” for Crime”

  1. Maaarrghk!!!

    Thanks! Hot Thai soup and a good night’s rest has helped. Thank goodness–because I’ve got to get a train to Philly this morning.

  2. Maaarrghk!–

    Thanks for the idea! I’m a bit under the weather at the moment…so that ode may have to wait. Must go have some hot soup.

    I should also pen a farewell poem to Lou Dobbs–lest he be forgotten.

  3. I think I vaguely remember that someone has done this type of research some years ago Elaine and it came up with just such findings. Attractive looking criminals do tend to get lighter sentences.
    I think it was some criminology department at a UK university.
    Now how about an ode to an ugly criminal?
    Oh, go on, please!

  4. That mug shot reminds me of when Ross Perot said, “If anybody has any better ideas, I’m all ears.”

    The J.T. video reminds me of a good 1960s rock song “You Never Can Tell” by Chuck Berry and a neat dance style I remember.

    I shall not comment regarding of what the ‘S. Stone’ video reminds me.

  5. Speaking of ugly . . .

    Doesn’t it seem like Bart Stupak (D-Mich.) should not only be removed from office for threatening to impede health care reform on religious grounds so he can pander the right? He should be Planned Parenthood’s poster child should they start to endorse retroactive abortions.

    Ugly really is to the bone in some cases.

  6. Actually I think this guy is both tall and ugly. The photograph seems to have been taken from well below his head height.

  7. It is true that ugliness is a liability in all walks of life, not just crime. Experiments show that good looking people are perceived more favorably than are ugly people. also tall people tend to earn more than short people.

    The police comments are cruel but accurate. That a statement is true does not stop it from being cruel.

  8. Hey now, we have Karl Rove, GeoII, Dick Cheney, John Wayne Gacy, John Gotti, Ted Bundey, Scooter Libby. Just to name a few that are too pretty for work too…..

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