Police in Florida have been dealing with the long-ignored menace of trolls. While we are all taught how to trick trolls in the “Three Billy Goats Gruff,” the victim forgot the “rob-me-when-I’m-fatter” trick when Jimmy Lee Morris (27), Dylan Patrick O’Shea (18), and Christopher L. Johnson (24) demanded that he “pay a toll to the troll.”
The Pasco County Sheriff’s Office says the man was walking from his work at a Toyota dealership (as if he didn’t have enough problems these days) and ran into the three trolls at a vacant gas station. He was on his way back from buying a burger for lunch (the perfect set up for the “wait until I’m fatter” pitch.
The man was told that, “before he could cross the bridge,” he would have to pay a toll. He ran when he said O’Shea began to pry a metal bar from the ground. He left his burger at the scene. (He could have also offered to let the men drive one of those Toyotas without brakes — a modern variation of the Gruff tale).
Florida does not have a trolling law so the men were charged with strong arm robbery.
Troll kalla mik – They call me Troll;
tungl sjötrungnis – Gnawer of the Moon,
auðsug jötuns – Giant of the Gale-blasts,
élsólar böl – Curse of the rain-hall,
vilsinn völu – Companion of the Sibyl,
vörð náfjarðar – Nightroaming hag,
hvélsvelg himins – Swallower of the loaf of heaven.
hvat’s troll nema þat? – What is a Troll but that?
These three appear to be classic bridge trolls as opposed to haugtrold (mound-trolls) or bergtroll (mountain-trolls). They tend to be the easiest to bribe and rarely take prisoners. Moreover, the Troll Defense Fund will point out that there has long been an anti-troll prejudice that permits any cruelty or trick to be played on trolls, who merely try to scratch out a living under bridges while people drive them crazy by going “trip, trap, trip, trap, trip, trap” over their heads. Consider the original conclusion of the Three Billy Goats Gruff:
“Now I ‘m coming to gobble you up,” roared the troll.
Well, come along! I’ve got two spears,
And I’ll poke your eyeballs out at your ears;
I’ve got besides two curling-stones,
And I’ll crush you to bits, body and bones.
That was what the big billy goat said. And then he flew at the troll, and poked his eyes out with his horns, and crushed him to bits, body and bones, and tossed him out into the cascade, and after that he went up to the hillside. There the billy goats got so fat they were scarcely able to walk home again. And if the fat hasn’t fallen off them, why, they’re still fat
Poked his eyes out, crushed his bones, and tossed him into the cascade. Is that nice? At this blog, we have tried to treat our trolls with fairness and a level of disinterest. Despite our desire to poke their eyes out, we let them vent until they go away to feed on other sites.
For the full story, click here.