Careful What You Witch For: US Bishops Need More Exorcists

Overwhelmed by the demand for exorcisms, U.S. Roman Catholic bishops are putting out the word that “Exorcists Need Apply” and that training in Baltimore is being held today. Down to only six U.S. exorcists the “Good Shepherds” hope to raise that number to 122. Bishop Thomas Paprocki of Springfield, Illinois, thinks each parish should have their own Exorcist in residence. You might remember that Bishop Paprocki said, when asked about who was responsible for the sexual abuse crises in the Catholic Church, that “the scandal was at least in part influenced by the Devil’s taking advantage of the moral weaknesses and psychological instability and sickness of the pedophiliac priest-abusers.”  Like my idol,  comedian Flip Wilson, I see a pattern here — the Devil Made ’em Do It.

No word about causes for the rise in demonic activity in the U.S., but the bishops have put out a handy list of tell-tale signs of demonic possession. They include  scratching, cutting, biting of the skin; profound displays of strength; and a strong or violent reaction to holy water. Sounds like eczema on steroids to me, but what do I know? Also no word on why the number of exorcists have dwindled, though I suspect casting calls to Hollywood have taken their toll. I have forwarded this post to a friend in Ghana to see if I can reduce the growing unemployment of witch doctors and have them emigrate to our shores. Seems the RCC has work for them!

Source: Yahoo News

–Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

11 thoughts on “Careful What You Witch For: US Bishops Need More Exorcists”

  1. The one exorcism of a human being I’ve witnessed was almost enough to make me believe in demons; they were the ones performing the rite.

  2. I was out the other day and I can’t tell you how many devils and demons that were around harassing everyone. They were everywhere, I just couldn’t believe it until I remembered it was October 31st.

    They really should get rid of the idea of Halloween because it’s causing the problem for the Catholic Church.

    Actually the RC Church is enjoying the problem, it takes the pressure off while their own ghouls roto-root the choir boys.

  3. The church should take advantage of the increased number of possessions. They should contract with ABC for a new reality show.

    “Dancing with the Devil”

  4. Max von Sydow is one of my favorites, but can’t the Church just let him enjoy his semi-retirement in peace?

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