Daddy I Do

Filmmaker Cassie Jaye’s debut documentary, Daddy I Do, which won the 2010 Best Documentary at the Cannes Independent Film Festival, deals with the “purity” culture. In this culture young girls pledge their “gift” of virginity to daddy. There are “purity” balls, “purity” rings, and “purity” t-shirts.

The incestuous undertone of the “purity” movement pegs my creepiness meter.

The tux, gown, rings, vows, dancing, are all designed to mimic a wedding. Where there’s a wedding, there’s money to be made, and gullible people willing to spend it.

Beyond that, the “purity” movement teaches girls that their value, in the eyes of God, depends on them being virgins. This is not about STDs or teen pregnancy, it’s about the devaluation of girls who engage in premarital sex. Boys, on the other hand, are devalued by not having premarital sex.

This virginity fetish should not be allowed anywhere near schools. That these balls are federally funded violates any notion of church/state separation.

H/T RH Reality Check, Glamour.

-David Drumm (Nal)


32 thoughts on “Daddy I Do

  1. “This virginity fetish should not be allowed anywhere near schools.” (Nal)

    Strongly agree.

    “The incestuous undertone of the “purity” movement pegs my creepiness meter.” (Nal)

    Beyond creepy…

    (Thanks for posting this.)

  2. There are some seriously unpleasant undertones with this movement IMO. At a time when husbands and wives should be thinking about second honeymoons the male parent is marrying the daughter. !

    Most little girls want to marry daddy at some point early in childhood. In healthy families that’s objectified into a list of favorable traits to look for in potential partners, it isn’t acted out.

    This ceremony IMO keeps girl children infantilized and displaces the mother. If I recall properly the story about (gotta’ look up the spelling, darn Greeks!) Oedipus is about free will v. destiny. This ceremony is about suppressing free will and the development of a personal identity. The creep factor is as ugly as the social engineering. Mental therapists are going to make as much money off of this as the ‘wedding’ planners.😦

  3. I agree that the pledge process as described feels creepy. I also agree that there’s a total double-standard that guys are DIScouraged from remaining chaste for their future spouses.

    But I can’t follow the logic that leads to this conclusion:

    Beyond that, the “purity” movement teaches girls that their value, in the eyes of God, depends on them being virgins.

    If parents asked their daughter to pledge not to drink until 21 (assume no legal consequences for doing so), would that mean that they thought someone who DID drink before then was worthless in God’s sight? Even if they put it partly in the context of God’s desire for her? Or are they simply concerned for the health of their daughter, and believe that there is a time and a place for drinking, which she has not reached yet? Would they believe that those who drink are unwanted by God? Would they turn their daughter away if she caved to pressure and drank at a party?

    How about a pledge to refrain from drugs or smoking? How about a pledge not to run into the street until she’s tall enough? Is the implication that God and/or the parents will hate the daughter if she fails at these?

    Sex has consequences, which are damaging if not entered into carefully. There are STDs, there is pregnancy. There is extra psychological pain should the relationship fall apart. There are manipulators who will “love and leave,” or worse, abuse the attachment. So while, yes, it is ultimately the choice of any adult whether to go forward anyway, I don’t see how parents shouldn’t want their daughters to chose the safer path and wait until they’re sure that yes, this is someone precious and worth the risk.

    And it does not follow that either the parents or God will hate the daughter for choosing another path, any more than any of them will hate the same daughter for chasing a ball into the street.

  4. FFLEO,

    I am not familiar with the songs of Julie London, but despite her lovely voice and the torchy arrangement (which I love), that is a really creepy yet appropriate song. lol Once again, good sir, you are a never ending supplemental education in 20th Century American music. Have you ever considered writing a book on the subject?

  5. FF Leo,

    I don’t recall that song. I guess I wasn’t foolish when I was young. I had discerning taste and found a great guy when I was just fifteen. We’ve been together nearly fifty years!

  6. Buddha,

    If you listen to the lyrics of ‘My Heart Belongs to Daddy’ they really do not make much sense if done by a songstress; for example, “While tearing off a game of golf, I might make a play for the caddie”

    The song was written by Cole Porter in the 1930s and very few women played golf then. Although Porter was married, he was bisexual and was openly homosexual. Therefore, the lyrics were most likely from a gay man’s perspective and that is why the song is a bit creepy when done by a woman, although many of the great songstresses have performed it very well, as the sultry Julie London did.

  7. FFLEO,

    I did not know that was a Cole Porter tune. I’ve learned something new thing today, so it was a day not wasted. I like it when that happens. Thanks.

  8. Buddha,

    Mr. Porter was an interesting musical genus. My favorite song of his is ‘Don’t Fence Me In, which surprises many people who would not think it as as Cole Porter composition.

  9. Like Bing says, that’s a great song. I’ve never heard this version though, also great. The Andrews Sisters had a wonderful sound.

  10. Buddha,

    Regarding writing a book on 20th Century American music, I certainly have enough music related books as references, including many of the consummate music historian/author Joel Whitburn’s books (19 of those at last count).

    Ever since the early 1950s—when as a little kid listening to Hank Williams on the radio and hearing the sounds of honky-tonk music emanating from country bars—I wanted to be a professional musician; however, my life took a much different direction. I did not use the bulk of my GI Bill for schooling and I once strongly considered getting another degree, but this time in music. Alas, I am unlikely to write a book on music and I will have to be content to live my musical literary aspirations vicariously through the talents of others.

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