Daddy I Do

Filmmaker Cassie Jaye’s debut documentary, Daddy I Do, which won the 2010 Best Documentary at the Cannes Independent Film Festival, deals with the “purity” culture. In this culture young girls pledge their “gift” of virginity to daddy. There are “purity” balls, “purity” rings, and “purity” t-shirts.

The incestuous undertone of the “purity” movement pegs my creepiness meter.

The tux, gown, rings, vows, dancing, are all designed to mimic a wedding. Where there’s a wedding, there’s money to be made, and gullible people willing to spend it.

Beyond that, the “purity” movement teaches girls that their value, in the eyes of God, depends on them being virgins. This is not about STDs or teen pregnancy, it’s about the devaluation of girls who engage in premarital sex. Boys, on the other hand, are devalued by not having premarital sex.

This virginity fetish should not be allowed anywhere near schools. That these balls are federally funded violates any notion of church/state separation.

H/T RH Reality Check, Glamour.

-David Drumm (Nal)


32 thoughts on “Daddy I Do”

  1. FF Leo,

    I don’t recall that song. I guess I wasn’t foolish when I was young. I had discerning taste and found a great guy when I was just fifteen. We’ve been together nearly fifty years!

  2. mespo & Buddha,

    I’m joining the musical poker game with this Bobby Vee oldie:

  3. I’ll see your Maurice Chevalier and raise you an Oingo Boingo.


  4. FFLEO,

    I am not familiar with the songs of Julie London, but despite her lovely voice and the torchy arrangement (which I love), that is a really creepy yet appropriate song. lol Once again, good sir, you are a never ending supplemental education in 20th Century American music. Have you ever considered writing a book on the subject?

  5. I agree that the pledge process as described feels creepy. I also agree that there’s a total double-standard that guys are DIScouraged from remaining chaste for their future spouses.

    But I can’t follow the logic that leads to this conclusion:

    Beyond that, the “purity” movement teaches girls that their value, in the eyes of God, depends on them being virgins.

    If parents asked their daughter to pledge not to drink until 21 (assume no legal consequences for doing so), would that mean that they thought someone who DID drink before then was worthless in God’s sight? Even if they put it partly in the context of God’s desire for her? Or are they simply concerned for the health of their daughter, and believe that there is a time and a place for drinking, which she has not reached yet? Would they believe that those who drink are unwanted by God? Would they turn their daughter away if she caved to pressure and drank at a party?

    How about a pledge to refrain from drugs or smoking? How about a pledge not to run into the street until she’s tall enough? Is the implication that God and/or the parents will hate the daughter if she fails at these?

    Sex has consequences, which are damaging if not entered into carefully. There are STDs, there is pregnancy. There is extra psychological pain should the relationship fall apart. There are manipulators who will “love and leave,” or worse, abuse the attachment. So while, yes, it is ultimately the choice of any adult whether to go forward anyway, I don’t see how parents shouldn’t want their daughters to chose the safer path and wait until they’re sure that yes, this is someone precious and worth the risk.

    And it does not follow that either the parents or God will hate the daughter for choosing another path, any more than any of them will hate the same daughter for chasing a ball into the street.

  6. There are some seriously unpleasant undertones with this movement IMO. At a time when husbands and wives should be thinking about second honeymoons the male parent is marrying the daughter. !

    Most little girls want to marry daddy at some point early in childhood. In healthy families that’s objectified into a list of favorable traits to look for in potential partners, it isn’t acted out.

    This ceremony IMO keeps girl children infantilized and displaces the mother. If I recall properly the story about (gotta’ look up the spelling, darn Greeks!) Oedipus is about free will v. destiny. This ceremony is about suppressing free will and the development of a personal identity. The creep factor is as ugly as the social engineering. Mental therapists are going to make as much money off of this as the ‘wedding’ planners. 🙁

  7. You have got to be kidding.

    What anon nurse said.


    Incestuously creepy beyond belief.

  8. Politically, these people are very into Sarah Palin. Preaching about abstinence work in her family, right?

  9. This is part of the culture at many of the mega churches, and it seeps into the surrounding public schools.

  10. “This virginity fetish should not be allowed anywhere near schools.” (Nal)

    Strongly agree.

    “The incestuous undertone of the “purity” movement pegs my creepiness meter.” (Nal)

    Beyond creepy…

    (Thanks for posting this.)

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