In England, four prison officers were injured after discovering Charles Bronson naked in a gym and covered in butter. Ok, this might need a bit of explanation. Bronson, it turns out, is England’s most violent prisoner — a man who has spent nearly all of the last 36 years in prison for one violent crime or another. On this effort, he decided to butter himself to make it more difficult for guards to grab him — it worked. It took 12 guards to finally subdue the greased con.
His original name was Michael Gordon Peterson of Luton, Bedfordshire, but he changed his name in 1987 after seeing the “Death Wish” movie series. Here I thought this crime was brought on by watching “I Can’t Believe Its Not Butter” commercials.
It is a little curious that a felon would choose to name himself after an actor in vigilante films getting vengeance against felons. The buttered Bronson has been convicted of various crimes, including wounding with intent, criminal damage, grievous bodily harm, false imprisonment, blackmail and making threats to kill.
The inmate is a fitness nut who has written books from prison, including Solitary Fitness. The next addition is called the “The One Stick of Butter and Twelve Prison Guard Cardio Training.” Bronson is also the subject of his own film. I wonder if the original Charles Bronson had watched the movie, whether he would have changed his name to Michael Gordon Peterson.
Source: Daily Mail
16 thoughts on “Do You Want Butter With That Bronson?”
What does it smell like when you Taze someone covered in butter?
But it’s the UK, so there are rules. I worked occasionally in a Florida state prison, where the guards (“corrections officers” is the euphemism) had “extraction teams” to pull recalcitrant inmates out of their cells. Not done that often; the one time I witnessed it was when a guy was deliberately re-opening some sutured wounds on his forearms from where he had earlier tried to commit suicide by slashing himself. There are not many niceties in American prisons. It would not have taken U.S. CO’s so long, but the results would not have been pretty.
How did he get all that butter?
For prisoners here may I suggest vegetable oil … I’m certain there are large containers of it in the kitchen and it would be better for your skin and hair … olive oil would also work well.
I got lost for about 5.5 minutes listening to that fine song by Mr. Simon.
Just had the local news on. Turns out he’s in Wakefield Jail, about 40 miles from me.
Apparently the “incident” lasted 3 hours!
FYI -There is a feature-film / Docudrama about Bronson, portrayed by the very talented Tom Hardy (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1172570/)
thanks for the update on the real Charles Bronson. I thought he had passed away. You are right about eating before reading about this margarine man.
I like Paul Simon and “Slip Sliding Away” is very appropriate given the current topic!
Maybe Bronson is a fan of Paula Deen. She’s know for saying that “everything’s better with butter.” Of course, where I live we’d say it this way: “Everything’s beddah with buddah.”
(Thanks for the setup, AY.)
Bronson Brand Butter . . . if your butter doesn’t kick some ass, it ain’t Bronson Brand Butter! Ask for it by name!
I don’t suppose he is going to be branding his butter…..
I refuse to reference “Slip Sliding Away”:
The actor Charles Bronson (birth name Charles Dennis Buchinsky) died in 2003 from pneumonia and Alzheimer’s disease.
As to this story? Let’s just say I’m glad I finished my toast before I got here or I’d have been off my food all day.
Funny you should mention Clarence Carter,I had him in mind with the priest who ran up that porn bill.
With his tune “strokin”
New meaning to the practice of “slipping away.” Cue Clarence Carter:
That is one slippery Brit! Is the real Charles Bronson still alive?
Saw a documentary on him a few years back. Scary guy. Above average intelligence, but below average wisdom – his own worst enemy in many ways.
Quite well known, not only because of his books but also his cartoon artwork depicting his life in jail.
About 5 years back I worked with a guy whose son was a guard at the prison that Bronson was held in at the time. This guy took some delight in telling me how his son and workmates would constantly goad Bronson whenever they had to take him from on part of the prison to another.
There was me thinking that their job was to prevent rather than cause trouble.
So I guess there may be more to this story than meets the eye.
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