The marriage vows may say “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health,” but Rev. Pat Robertson told his “700 Club” viewers that divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer’s is just fine. Robertson says that the vows say “until death do us part” and Alzheimer’s should be viewed as a type of death.
Robertson was asked on this television program for advice for a friend whose wife has started suffering from Alzheimer’s and has started to see another woman. Robertson responded “I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her.”
When he was reminded of that vows concerning “for better or for worse” and “until death do us part,” Robertson explained “If you respect that vow, you say ’til death do us part.’ This is a kind of death.”
I have always been fascinating by these programs with Muslim or Jewish or Christian figures dispensing advise to the faithful. No one ever asks, “are you just making this stuff up as you go along?” This seems a pretty massive change in the plain meaning of those vows. I hate to lawyer the language, but what is the basis for this new interpretation that the term “death” extends beyond the obvious meaning of the end of life and can include constructive death. It brings a new meaning to the phrase “you are dead to me.”
Source: Yahoo
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Mike, Sorry for putting my own feelings of Robertson as if they were yours. You said “Pat Robertson’s comments on any issue are generally mindless, useless, pointless or all three. He is not one to consult on any serious issues.” I said he was a useless #$#%*&^%(*&^. I did not mean to imply that you thought he was useless . And I do agree that it is a difficult decision to make if you are faced with it. I don’t think badly of anyone for making that decision. Alzheimers is a disease that destroys more lives than just the one of the person afflicted.
Blouise, I agree with you. Men should have equal rights and responsibilities to their children, I think too often when the mother has most of the custody and child support from the ex the father starts to resent the mother for the inequality and this resentment is always felt by the children. Being a good parent is a reward in itself,
Mark I agree with you also. Pat Robertson is a useless #$#%*&^%(*&^. But he is listened to by his followers as speaking with authority from God. The action of leaving a sick wife should not be supported by a Christian minister speaking with that authority I can see him using his personal feelings as the basis for his comment and I understand the desire to have companionship. But this was said not as his personal feelings but as an answer to a fellow Christian speaking from the pulpit as his whole show is his pulpit. Be ashamed Pat.
I don’t mean to be insensitive to the seriousness of Alzheimer’s but … this thread has rambled all over the place … seems apt
Feminists believe that women should have rights equal to men. That’s it … feminists do not want more rights than men, we simply want rights equal to men. Very slowly but very surely we are achieving that goal.
However, there is one huge area where I believe men have been systematically cheated of their rights and that concerns their children when divorce is being sought. For some ridiculous reason the courts seem to think that a child needs his/her mother more than his/her father. Claptrap! Children need their fathers and fathers need to be with their children as much as mothers do. Courts are wrong to subject fathers and their children to such heartless custody rulings. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Woosty, I agree with you on the “easier said than done” part. But I think it important that spouses give each other permission, as it were, to continue living.
I would want my wife to be able to enjoy the companionship and emotional support that one can only get through a relationship with another adult.~Mike A.
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yes, and I would even say that whether or not there was a divorce involved in that scenario would be necessitated by multiple factors …not just societal norms. As far as the guilt and exhaustion…and moving on go…often easier said than done, especially if there is a living spouse no matter what thier condition if it was a successfull marriage…
Pat Robertson’s comments on any issue are generally mindless, useless, pointless or all three. He is not one to consult on any serious issues.
Alzheimer’s is only one of many illnesses that put strains on marriage relationships and family finances that few other than those who experience them can appreciate. I am almost 9 years older than my spouse. Should I eventually succumb to dementia or some other debilitating condition, I would want my wife to be able to enjoy the companionship and emotional support that one can only get through a relationship with another adult. I would certainly not expect her to live out my last days in a state of guilt and emotional exhaustion. This is a topic that couples should thoroughly discuss early on
SWM,
There goes that evil malignant side of your last two posts. You know that the first one is a dig to set me off and the second was a threat. Play it any way you want. I have wished you well and adieu. It is what it is. No more digs, please?
I don’t know what Salon said but I wonder why she didn’t offer to join him instead of feeling all sorry for herself….a little communication goes a long way… 😉
and auto-eroticism is …well..pretty damn erotic!
Published today at Salon:
http://www.salon.com/entertainment/col/2011/09/16/ask_wayne/index.html
Dear Wayne,
My husband of eight months now prefers masturbation, with or without porn, to having sex with me. He had a stroke four months ago and claims that he is afraid if we have sex that he will have another stroke.
It is humiliating to have him prefer his hand to me and deny that he is masturbating when I walk in the room as he is climaxing. Then he gets up — still denying the act! — and drips ejaculate across the carpet.
What can I do? I am a healthy, willing and able female and did not get married to continue auto-eroticism as my sole sexual outlet.
Notice how caring this woman is. Guess what she is told? Woosty? Want to guess?
Some commenters think this is Salon’s idea of a joke, as it is published in “entertainment” and the author wrote a book called “Humiliation”. If it is a joke though, it’s a pretty sick and misandric joke.
More will be revealed…
Sounds like a plan. Good luck to you and s.not n.
That’s all that ever had to be said. You chose not to admit you made those statements, they speak for themselves….Now, I know what I am dealing with. I bid you well as I’ll have nothing else to do with you baruch sheptaranu…
I choose not to.
Yes, Thanks LK….for Cherry Picking on this….Still can’t see where someone else may be wrong….Makes the rest of your posts more credible…..
I checked as well…Still can’t apologize for saying what you said….Didn’t think so…
There you go LK…..
Cherry Picking…You only read what you wanted to….I even said the last email was September 1 and text August 29 or so….Regarding attacking me….
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You said: I know what I read and if there’s more- off blawg, which you imply there is but SM says is not the case, THEN KEEP IT OFF BLAWG. You start putting bits of it on the blawg then you invite comment. Don’t give me some yada,yada because I don’t want to be burdened by a public snit you were haunting every thread with.
That it. I’m off this thread.
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She said: Swarthmore mom
1, September 16, 2011 at 6:15 pm
There has been no email discussion of anything since Sept. 1. The Huntsman thread was well after that.There have been no texts since August when I was texted about El Paso County.
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Wouldn’t that say…something to you…or have you picked all of the cherry’s….and you can’t read or comprehend. That yes…I even said the Huntsman thread was after that….
What would be best if you did not comment…or take sides without reading the whole thing….Seems to make sense to me….But what do I know….
All’s it would have taken when I said something initially was an apology….Do you have a problem apologizing when you may be wrong……..But if you Cherry Pick you can’t be wring right?
I double checked and there have been no off blog emails since Sept.1. Thanks LK. Like I said I am grieving my dog of fifteen years, and I don’t need this. I hope it ends here now. I don’t want to be part of any blog wars, and there is no other communication going on.
AY, “The way I see it…you don’t know the whole story, but chose to get involved anyways….”
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I know what I read and if there’s more- off blawg, which you imply there is but SM says is not the case, THEN KEEP IT OFF BLAWG. You start putting bits of it on the blawg then you invite comment. Don’t give me some yada,yada because I don’t want to be burdened by a public snit you were haunting every thread with.
That it. I’m off this thread.
Anon: “And of course the elephant in the room Woosty, is that even though you haven’t found a creep that would leave *his wife*, you and I both know that women initiate the vast majority (70%) of all divorces. And apparently we are all good with that.
Personally, I think it’s really creepy that society thinks this sort of ratio is okay. I suspect it says a lot about the pathology of women.”
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Man, you really don’t seem to have a clue. Here’s how it works and I’m assuming you’re too young to have given it much thought or research.
I refer you to Woosty’s statement: : I HAVE seen couples married for 40+ years talking about divorcing in order to protect the families assets and prevent loss of a house or to be able to get some kind of help with the astronomical medical bills. The stress of economic hardship to people in the throes of medical catastrophe is immense and uncivilized and inhuman.”
Men get sick earlier because they don’t live as long and have traditionally performed more toxic work. Divorce early on in the process of institutionalization of a spouse is often the only way to maintain a decent standard of living for both or even one. Eventually, it comes down to one. Unless you are wealthy, die before your money runs out, or stay real healthy until you die, you, like almost everyone will end up in a ‘nursing home’. Yo’ll be living on what Medicaid provides and your spouse will end up with whatever your state determines is appropriate to prevent spousal impoverishment- after she spends all of the savings (maybe/probably has to sell the house- sorry kids) and is reduced to virtually no liquid assets. Divorce can moderate what happens to the two of you. If you plan ahead you won’t be stuck in the (illegal, but present) Medicaid ward of a ‘nice’ nursing home, for a while anyway.
That’s why I said I hoped PR was considering economic issues with his advice; divorce is, as Woosty correctly observed, not necessarily abandonment. I still won’t trust his motives until he clarifies though.