Submitted by Elaine Magliaro, Guest Blogger
Back in 2007, Christopher Hitchens penned an article for Vanity Fair titled Why Women Aren’t Funny. In it he wrote:
Men are overawed, not to say terrified, by the ability of women to produce babies. (Asked by a lady intellectual to summarize the differences between the sexes, another bishop responded, “Madam, I cannot conceive.”) It gives women an unchallengeable authority. And one of the earliest origins of humor that we know about is its role in the mockery of authority. Irony itself has been called “the glory of slaves.” So you could argue that when men get together to be funny and do not expect women to be there, or in on the joke, they are really playing truant and implicitly conceding who is really the boss…
If I am correct about this, which I am, then the explanation for the superior funniness of men is much the same as for the inferior funniness of women. Men have to pretend, to themselves as well as to women, that they are not the servants and supplicants. Women, cunning minxes that they are, have to affect not to be the potentates.
So—according to Hitchens—women are really “the bosses” because they are the baby makers. Men are the funny ones because they mock the authority of women who have wombs…and, therefore, the power! Who knew?
I get it. I think this explains why so many men in the GOP these days are proposing reproductive legislation. These male vagina vigilantes—“uterati” is what I call them—must believe that their extreme legislation will give them (the funny guys) authority over women (the humorless baby makers). They’re trying to gain authority over the opposite sex by taking control of contraception…and women’s bodies.
The uterati’s strategy seems to be working because women have been getting their “funny” on lately. They are using social media and sarcasm in order to get their point across that they will not stand by humorlessly while proposed legislation that could have a negative impact on their lives is being discussed and voted upon. That must mean that women will soon be seen as the supplicants and servants—at least according to the Christopher Hitchens equations:
funny people = supplicants and servants
unfunny people = authority figures
Unfortunately, the vagina vigilantes just don’t seem to find much humor in what these women are doing.
So…let’s take a look at some some of the sarcastic things that women are doing, shall we? You can let me know if you think they’re funny.
In Mockery: Women’s new weapon, an article that appeared in Salon, Tracy Clark-Flory wrote:
From a proposed sex strike to mock legislation restricting access to Viagra, women are coming up with increasingly creative ways to respond to attacks on reproductive rights. Many of them are relying on something ladies are often said to be without: a sense of humor.
In case you didn’t catch on, the sex strike is tongue-in-cheek. Annette Maxberry-Carrara, founder of Liberal Ladies Who Lunch — the group that proposed the “Access Denied” protest — tells me with a laugh, “We’re not looking at it as a literal strike.” But they are making a serious political statement. The event’s tagline reads, “If our reproductive choices are denied, so are yours.”
Here are some examples of the mock legislation being proposed by women–and some men who respect women (God love them!)——courtesy of ThinkProgress:
EVERY SPERM HAS A RIGHT (OKLAHOMA): To poke fun at a “personhood” bill that gives full rights to a zygote, state Sen. Constance Johnson (D) introduced an amendment that would also declare every sperm to be sacred. “However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child,” her amendment stated.
NOTE: Senator Judy Eason of Tulsa, Oklahoma, attended a protest of the state’s extreme “Personhood” bill at the State Capitol recently. She borrowed a sign from another poster that read: “If I wanted the government in my womb I’d fuck a senator.” (Freak Out Nation)
CHILDREN DENIED BIRTH BECAUSE OF VASECTOMIES (GEORGIA): State Rep. Yasmin Neal (D) introduced legislation that would limit vasectomies. “Thousands of children are deprived of birth in this state every year because of the lack of state regulation over vasectomies,” Neal explained. Her measure is in response to a bill that would ban abortions after 20 weeks on the grounds that a fetus can feel pain — a claim disputed by doctors.
MORE HOOPS TO CLEAR FOR VIAGRA (OHIO): In response to Ohio’s so-called Heartbeat Bill, which would prevent abortions once a fetal heartbeat is detected, state Sen. Nina Turner (D) will introduce a bill that would make men jump through hoops, like a psychological screening, before they could obtain Viagra and similar drugs for erectile dysfunction. “All across the country, including in Ohio, I thought since men are certainly paying great attention to women’s health that we should definitely return the favor,” Turner said.
Note: A man would also have to get a notarized affidavit that was signed by his sexual partner affirming his impotency.
RECTAL EXAMS FOR A VIAGRA PRESCRIPTIONS (VIRGINIA): To protest Virginia’s bill requiring women to receive an ultrasound before an abortion, state Sen. Janet Howell (D) attached an amendment to the bill that would have required men to receive a rectal exam and pass a cardiac stress test before doctors wrote them a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication. “We need some gender equity here,” Howell said. The Virginia Senate rejected her amendment, but both chambers passed the ultrasound requirement after clarifying that women would not be forced to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound.
KNOW THE SIDE EFFECTS OF VIAGRA (ILLINOIS): State Rep. Kelly Cassidy (D) decided to push back against GOP attacks on women’s health by offering an amendment that would require men to watch a “horrific video” about the side effects of Viagra before they received a prescription for the drug. His bill is in response to a measure requiring women to undergo an ultrasound before an abortion. “If we are going to do this, we need to do it in a way that is applied equally,” Cassidy said.
PROTECT ALL SPERM (DELAWARE): Mocking the “personhood” measures, the town council in Wilmington, Delaware approved a satirical resolution “that asks state legislatures and U.S. Congress to enact laws that forbid men from destroying their semen.” The resolution notes that if lawmakers think a female egg has full rights, then they should say the same thing about sperm.
Women have also taken to leaving sarcastic comments on their governors’ Facebook pages. It was reported in The L Magazine that women had begun “wall bombing” and “sarcasm bombing” the pages of politicians who were attempting to “roll back women’s rights.”
Written to Gov. Bob McDonnell of Virginia
Dear Doctor Governor-I have an issue with my vagina. I’m having a terrible flow and cramping. This happens every month. I’m not sure if it is related to the lack of an ultrasound or the lack of a pill (I know one is mandated but my poor addled lady brain can’t wrap my head around this issue). I’m guessing that it may be the ultrasound since I heard the men folk on the teevee telling us that contraception and the like is one step from abortion. What do I do Dr. Gov? Should I come to your office for the exam?
Written to Gov. Tom Corbett of Pennsylvania
I know this has nothing to do with this, but being a woman and all, I can’t stop thinking about my lady parts. You suggested women close their eyes when getting a transvaginal ultrasound, or Wand of Light, as we lovingly call it in some places. Do you also close your eyes when getting a mandatory anal probe for unrelated legal medical procedures? What else do you close your eyes for? I’m curious, your advice is so fascinating!
Written to Gov. Sam Brownback of Tennessee
I just called your office, and they wouldn’t let me schedule a pap smear. I’m confused, aren’t you taking care of all this now?
And
Governor, maybe you can help me. I have a funny rash on my labia. If I send you a photo, can you tell me what it is? I’m asking you because you seem to be an expert on women’s health, and I know I can’t be trusted to know anything about my own body. I’m just a woman, no better than livestock. It says so in the Bible…
Written to Gov. Rick Perry of Texas
I promise to vote for you during the next run if you’ll allow me to incorporate my uterus.
Another tactic being proposed by a group called Government Free VJJ is the “Snatchel Project.” Government Free VJJ is encouraging women to knit uteruses and send them to male members of Congress. One of the group’s slogans is “If they have their own, they can leave ours alone!”
I’m a woman. I think this is all quite hilarious. How about you? Who do you think are the potentates now? Which do you think is the funnier sex?
SOURCES & FURTHER READING
Mockery: Women’s new weapon (Salon)
Why Women Aren’t Funny (Vanity Fair)
As Anti-Abortion Bills Gain Steam, Legislators Push Back With Legislation Mocking The Extreme Bills (Think Progress)
Women Knit Uteruses For Lawmakers (Think Progress)
Georgia Republican Compares Women to Cows, Pigs, And Chickens (Think Progress)
‘Dear Doctor Governor … ‘: Women Protest On GOP Govs’ Facebook Walls (TPMDC)
4 Ways To Combat the GOP’s War On Women (The L Magazine)
The 10 Most Ridiculous Things Old White Men Have Proposed About Women And Vaginas (The L Magazine)
10 Reasons The Rest Of The World Thinks The U.S. Is Nuts (Huffington Post)
Nursing Chastity (Bangor Daily News)
Sen. McIntyre holds a sign at protest: ‘If I wanted the govt in my womb I’d fuck a Senator’ (Freak Out Nation)
BRON: “I would rather pay some extra on my private premium for people who need access than to have government pay for it/provide it.”
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Even when it carries a 15-35% surcharge called profit and executive compensation/benefits? That just doesn’t make sense from a fiscal point of view. Same for over-inflated, un-negotiated drug costs.
Bron, it’s a risk but IMO better than what we have now. When everybody’s health and medical care as well as tax dollars are at stake maybe things are different than when laws are couched in terms of capitalism and religious freedom and the other ruses used to make medical care laws and rules.
Also, regarding your reply to Puzzling and the prospect of people being ‘killed’ with single payer, it seems that the opposite is what is happening – or likely to happen, in Portugal:
http://real-economics.blogspot.com/2012/03/and-now-portugal-one-more-time.html
“Portuguese death rate rise linked to pain of austerity programme
Portugal’s health service is being forced into sweeping cuts as last May’s EU/IMF bailout terms begin to bite”
lottakatz:
it seems to me that it would depend on which party was in office.
That appointed panel is a real sticky point. They will be the ones controlling health care in this country. And it will depend on their philosophical outlook.
You get a bunch of pro-life Christians on that panel and you can kiss reproductive freedom good bye.
bettykath:
“but government providing ACCESS to medical care”
What exactly does that mean? If government pays for it then they are providing it. The goal is a single payer national plan.
We have access to health care now, a friend of mine had a stroke a couple of years ago and she has no health care insurance at all. She was taken care of as well as someone with insurance, she even got rehab services.
I would rather pay some extra on my private premium for people who need access than to have government pay for it/provide it.
puzzling:
and what about that 15 person panel? I cant wait for a republican administration to appoint people to that panel and basically shut down abortion in this country.
I dont think people have really thought through this government run health care thingy. It sounds good to have everyone covered but you get that security at the cost of your liberty. You become nothing more than a pet and your owner is the government. They are the ones paying so whatever they want is what is going to get done.
I wonder how long it will be until people with expensive medical problems will get the figurative needle in the “leg”, a Rx for some opiate with enough “pain” killer to shut down respiration.
Government and health care seem to be incompatible, these recent legislation’s concerning women’s reproductive rights should give all sensible people pause for thought.
Pete, I love your sense of humor and am so glad you spend time here.
“rick santorum and the vagina vigilantes
sounds like a butthole surfers cover band”
One suspects they just might be 🙂
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Debates like these wouldn’t even be had if the this country wasn’t brainwashed to feel that insurance=health-care. It doesn’t. Health-care is what happens between you and your doctor and the labs/hospitals/pharmacy’s your doctor sends you to. Insurance is how it gets paid for as is ‘out-of-pocket’ and ‘do-without’. We wouldn’t be having this conversation if the two were divorced as they should be. Single payer is the force majeure in the war on women.
bettykath – EGGS-ACT-LEE!
The rest of the civilized world has government run health care and none of those are mandating the sort of insane crap the GOP is trying to pull here.
There is a huge difference between providing coverage for your health care and dictating what health care your doctor can provide. Only a pea wit would be unable to tell the difference.
the “uterati”
that’s a good one
rick santorum and the vagina vigilantes
sounds like a butthole surfers cover band
Bron, Just to clarify: What we need isn’t government itself DOING medical care but government providing ACCESS to medical care (which really has little to do with health). And we don’t need government telling us what kind of care we must have, or not. That’s what the doctors are for. Legislators doing medical stuff is extremely dangerous.
Elaine, thanks for the post. These legislators are bringing back the feminist movement!!
“Uterati”. Priceless.
Here’s another take on the knitting thing, the whole podcast is worth a listen. I seldom if ever miss a “Professional Left” podcast. NSFW, they don’t mince words. They have a firm grasp of the landscape and their “This is what I do with a string and two sticks” concept is brought full circle in the larger, national question.
http://driftglass.blogspot.com/2012/03/professional-left-podcast-120.html
anon nurse,
“That’s wonderful, Elaine M. A brilliant twist.”
Do you know that you get a double word score for using a double (and arguably triple) entendre?
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=twist
BTW … this psychopathic contraption you illustrated with your words, operating within out society, “inspires” some engineers to make some gaudy foreign policy religions.
Dear Senator Sainted Rum:
Thank you for your concern over women who get pregnant and wish not to have the child of the person who knocked them up. Since you are named after a famous Italian libation and have seven children of your own absorbing the government dime on that Congressional healthcare program you are entitled to for life let me ask you to come by the birthin baby clinic here in Texas and look after all the little ones poppin out with no daddy and a mentally retarded mommy who cannot tie a diaper. There does not seem to be an adoptive set of good Catholic parents out there that will adopt little Ricky because he is obviously mentally challenged and so we ask that you come and take him on yourself.
Very funny Elaine!
Bron,
Women should be concerned that the Obama administration’s Kathleen Sebelius overruled the FDA science panel recommendations on emergency contraception. The administration dictated that females under eighteen see a doctor for a prescription before getting the Plan B emergency contraceptive, and further requiring women over 18 to plead with a pharmacist for access to the medication.
Limiting reproductive freedom is a bipartisan effort.
I am convinced that the only men who are fanatically concerned with controlling female contraception are the men who actually believe that women think of themselves the way they are portrayed as thinking on porn sites … a fantasy that these men have convinced themselves is reality.
Thus the uterati are simply men addicted to porn and thus unable to deal with the reality of femininity. Making fun of them and the women who hang with them is a practice that will continue to grow.
Elaine, The General weighed in on the matter of knitting lady parts a few days ago. This post made me snort coffee on my computer screen.
http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/2012/03/knitting-lady-part-for-congress-is.html
it is all very funny.
But just one question, if women are so concerned about government staying out of their wombs why are these officials probably in favor of national/government health care?
To be consistent I would think they would be against any government involvement in any area of human health. Do they really think government isnt going to dictate procedures and level of care provided for all human health issues?
I think there are two strains of the disease. The controlling, sexually inadequate, dictator wannabe is pretty clear here. But the second kind is the heart and soul of the anti-woman movement. The ‘puritan’ those jokers live in fear that someone out there somewhere is having an enjoyable time. This type reached their most recent zenith during the Victorian age when nightgowns had a small hole in the front so that intercourse could take place with as little contact as possible and everyone was taught that sex was dirty and was meant to be endured not enjoyed.
Together this team makes quite a spectacle of itself to the detriment of us all
“These male vagina vigilantes—“uterati” is what I call them…” -Elaine M.
That’s wonderful, Elaine M. A brilliant twist.