Next time you are at Denny’s for that Grand Slam breakfast you might consider their special on weddings. Denny’s has announced that its Vegas location will feature a full bar and a wedding chapel.

Your Denny’s wedding can be handled quickly at the Las Vegas Neonopolis shopping complex and the wedding party will have a ready made menu of specials and classic dishes. This includes an array of wedding cakes made of Denny’s Pancake Puppies.

As someone who eloped on New Year’s Eve, I can attest to the fact that there are stranger forums. In our case, we were married in an office surrounded by pictures of Dan Quayle in various poses and scenes. It appears that our official had some infatuation with Quayle and had pictures of him golfing, walking, waving, and every other activity. With us in the waiting room was remnants of a shotgun wedding of two teens with the aunt of the girl screaming profanities at the boy in a scene worthy of Jerry Springer. The boy just stood in the corner with a cocky attitude as the girl sat across the room staring at the floor.

We were taken first. All I remember is the official proceeded snapping his fingers at every line like a mob wiseguy.

“So what do you want to be called?” Snap.

“What?”

“Should I say Jonathan or John or Mr. Turley” Snap.

“Jonathan I guess.”

“Ok” Snap. “Johnny, do you take this woman as your loving wife?”

“I do”

“Great” Snap.

“Do you Leslie take his man as your loving husband?”

“I do”

“Great” Snap. “By the authority given to me by the State of Virginia, I pronounce you man and wife” Snap.

It happened so fast the room was spinning with pictures of Dan Quayle as we slipped through the warring clans in the waiting room who were now dropping F-bombs and pulling people apart. We then went outside and found a guy on all fours in Alexandra puking his brains out in the gutter. I turned to Les and said “well, it can’t get much more romantic than this.”

Denny’s would have been an improvement. At least you could get hush puppies. Of course, the success of my marriage has been keeping expectations as low as possible. That way I always do better than expected.

It did get more romantic . . . and more pricey. My mother was overjoyed at the news that day and then asked when the “real” wedding would be. We were married later AGAIN at the Willard Hotel with both a priest and a Rabbi.

Source: CBS