The scourge of sex texting has continued to spread. This week, Swiss scientists announced that dairy cows will now text farmers to tell them when they are in heat. Sensors have been implanted in cows to detect and report shifts in heat and will then send text messages in German, French or Italian as well as English or Spanish. The Jersey cows tend to be the most crude. I believe the message reads simply “I’m horny.”
The heat detectors are attempts to deal with a growing problem in the Swiss dairy industry where cows “feel pressured to produce greater quantities of milk are reportedly less frequently in heat than ever before.” It is the classic case of work overwhelming personal relationships. The result is that 80 percent of cow impregnations are now done by artificial insemination rather than the old days when a bull would ask a cow to tie on a feedbag, take in a moooovie, and then check out his collection of hair balls by the tool shed.
Now the farmers will receive a text like a cow called a 1-900 number and a bull will be delivered like a call
girlbull. I suggest 1-900-wild-cow or 1-900-beef-luv.
Bovine sextexting could be a breakthrough for the normally restrained Swiss. Swiss cows still remain quite proper in their personal relations as opposed to those pornography watching pandas: