By Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger
Late Fall 1975, I was sitting in my living room that we never sat in with my father’s tie on. A coach from some nondescript college was talking to my Dad about me coming to play for him. “Never saw a missed block all night,” he crooned. “Your son can play.” My Dad, obviously flattered, asked the coach about academics and was edified that “Look, the books are the same wherever he goes, but we can do more for him. We can make him a man … you know, build his character.” “That’s our job,” Dad replied. Dad ushered him politely out of the house.
South Beach Bully
The nation’s been riveted by the revelations coming out of the Miami Dolphins locker room. Stanford educated right tackle Jonathan Martin abruptly left the team before a big game and checked into a local hospital claiming emotional exhaustion. The fatigue was not caused by the grinding NFL schedule but, according to Martin, from constant bullying by fellow offensive lineman Richie Incognito and others over a two-year period. Martin’s lawyers filed a complaint with the league for denying their client the right to earn a living by promoting or permitting a hostile work environment. Proven league bad-boy Incognito was suspended indefinitely.
A victim of bullying himself (according to his dad who makes Jim Piersall’s father look positively Howard Cunningham-ish by comparison-just read his message board comments sometimes), Incognito claims the coaches asked him to “toughen up” Martin. The Dolphins refuse to admit or deny any role in the hazing despite some persistent questioning from the press on the topic. Nicknamed “Big Weirdo” by Incognito and other NFL millionaires, Martin played left tackle for tough guy coach Jim Harbaugh during his college career and anchored one of the meanest o-lines in the country at Stanford. No matter, in today’s thuggish NFL because second round pick Martin didn’t drink, carouse, use racial epithets, get into fights with waiters, and generally behave the fool (like allegedly harassing women with a golf club to their private parts) like Incognito, Martin was not of the right stuff. Didn’t have the right character, you know.
Once the guffaws died down in the locker room, Martin’s teammates were quick to come to Incognito’s defense. Incognito, they said was Martin’s “best friend” and protector. Despite a grotesque voice mail message where Incognito called the mixed race Martin a “half-ni**er” and threatened to defecate in places too obscene to mention, the gridiron pros from South Beach decided breaking the Code of Silence so prevalent in all all-male institutions was worse than threatening to assault someone’s mother or vowing to kill a teammate or wishing to take part in a gang rape of your sister.”If I’m not mistaken,” one teammate said, Martin played the voice mail before members of the locker room fraternity laughing all the way. “If I’m not mistaken”? You’d think you’d recall with certainty the biggest story in the country’s key piece of damning evidence, but group think does have the tendency to make your forget facts and perhaps even morals, it seems.
Heartfelt From the Heartland
Change the scene from sin-city Miami to America’s heartland in Ypsilanti, Michigan: Former hot college coach Ron English, once defensive coordinator at football factory Michigan and other lesser members of the football cabal which dominates our consciousness on Saturday afternoons — and Tuesday nights, and Thursday nights, takes a new job and vows to “change the culture” at hapless Eastern Michigan University. That was 2008 and four plus years later all the Eagles have to show for that culture change is a 1-8 record this season losing eight straight games by an average score of 48-18. The previous years under English weren’t much better. He’s gone 11-46 since his arrival. Now frustrated at his players lack of “character,” English lashes out at the 18-22 years olds who beat themselves silly every day risking real injury as football’s concussion scandal has now shown, trying to please the man in the green golf shirt with the whistle around his neck:
* “You’ll always be (bleeped) up.”
* “How did so many young guys go bad?”
* “This is (bleep) football, as bad as I’ve ever been around.”
* “You have no respect for yourself.”
* “I respect football players … you ain’t no football players.”
You can listen to the “character building” yourself. Warning: Poor audio containing harsh but common football language including the seemingly obligatory homophobic slur:
Recorded by a player, the rant forced English out as coach even before his winning (or lack thereof) percentage did. The mavens of academe (who obviously have a wolf by the ears) issued a statement that reads like an epistle from St. Paul:
“We hold our coaches and staff to high standards of professionalism and conduct and there is no place, particularly in a student environment, where the language is appropriate. The statements made by Coach English are absolutely unacceptable. My decision to make a change in leadership of our football program was the culmination of a lot of factors including the comprehensive review of our program, the competitive performance and this tape.
“Our primary interest is in the well-being and success of our student-athletes and this will continue to be our priority in every decision we make and every action we take. My focus moving forward is on the quality of our student-athletes’ experience as well as the search process for the next leader of our football program.”
Well, maybe it reads more like an episode from Lassie: “What’s that girl? You say there’s bullying going on by adults over teenagers and 20-year olds who come to our school? Quick, Lassie get to the university legal affairs office for help! We need a statement now.”
What kind of character?
Maybe, if I was more savvy back in 1975 I would have the presence of mind to ask the coach in my living room just what kind of character he had in mind for me. Judging by the two recent debacles I think I’m getting the idea. I was to be machismo incarnate — tough, hostile to gays, intolerant of “weakness” real or imagined. A carouser, a harasser of women, respecting only those in the game and no one not associated with its savage charms, in short I was to be a football player in today’s NFL.
The sad and ironic thing is that the game really can build character. Time and scores of kids I’ve coached have showed me that. It can take shy kids like I was and, when it’s done right, allow them to earn confidence and acquire leadership skills. My high school coaches, as imperfect as they were, showed me that but I was too immature to see it. At 18, all I could understand was that Dad had just dismissed one of the few coaches in the world who thought I was good enough to put on a jersey for their team. How could Dad take away my dreams and forgo whatever financial scholarship bone the coach was willing to throw my way? Boy in 1975, I was mad.
Thanks, Dad.
Sources: USA Today; NY Daily News
~Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger
Richie Incognito’s bully reputation goes back to 2002
Brent Schrotenboer, USA TODAY Sports
http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/2013/11/05/incognito-bully-accusations-nebraska-freshman/3439819/
Excerpt:
Richie Incognito once bullied a teammate so badly that the teammate suddenly got up from the ground and stomped out of football practice.
It was early 2002 — long before Incognito was accused of similar behavior with the Miami Dolphins. Incognito was just a freshman at Nebraska, but that didn’t stop him from picking fights or harassing teammates, in this case a non-scholarship offensive lineman named Jack Limbaugh. Incognito plowed into Limbaugh’s back during practice, knocking him to the ground for no apparent reason.
Limbaugh responded by getting up, grabbing his equipment and walking out, according to the diary of teammate David Kolowski.
“Richie was a guy who came in with all the talent in the world, and Jack was an easy mark for a guy like Richie, who came across as a bully,” Kolowski told USA TODAY Sports on Monday. “Jack was a walk-on just trying to make the team. There was a bit of that kind of bullying with Jack. He didn’t appreciate it, but in that culture you don’t run and cry to the coaches.”
Limbaugh didn’t immediately return messages seeking comment. He rejoined the team and graduated in 2004. But the pattern stuck for Incognito. And this time might finally be his last. The Dolphins suspended Incognito on Sunday amid allegations he bullied a younger teammate, Jonathan Martin, who left the team.
“Hate is a strong word but I’ve always hated Incognito,” Lawrence Jackson, a former NFL defensive end, said Monday on Twitter. “Just for perspective, he’s the guy that makes you want to spit in his face.”
So how is he still employed in the NFL?
One word: Talent. In football, mean streaks can be assets as long as they stay under control. But that has always been the issue for Incognito: Can he control it this time after not being able to control it previously?
The answer — again — appears to be no. Since his freshman year at Nebraska, all of his college and pro teams have ended up suspending him, cutting ties with him or both.
Not all two-parent households are places where young men have male examples to emulate. There are many abusive fathers–just as there are abusive mothers.
I do blame the men, as does Whitlock. And, you are the first person ANYWHERE to call me a racist. I am not. Even people here who despise me will tell you that. This is a good and very important topic. Please keep it civil and lay off the personal. Thanks for your anticipated cooperation.
“But the social science is unequivocal, a fatherless boy has 2 strikes against him growing up. Only a man can teach a boy how to be one. Same for a woman and a girl.”
Um…..Nick,
What social science teaches that Gospel? Probably you can find some social scientists who believe that, but then one can find social scientists believing a lot of things that haven’t been conclusively proven. I think our President did pretty well for himself without a Father present and Michelle seems to think he is man enough. Perhaps though you would ascribe his success to the fact he had White Grandparents, or that it took a Kenyan Village to raise him?
Mike Spindell:
I think some people need welfare. In fact, I have been wondering since 1980 why a person on welfare couldnt make more money and not have all of their benefits taken away. Why they had to limit themselves.
So I would say, liberals wanted an all or nothing system to force people into dependency so they could perpetuate their power.
“I have been wondering since 1980 why a person on welfare couldnt make more money and not have all of their benefits taken away. Why they had to limit themselves.”
Bron,
Curious you pick 1980 the year Reagan was elected. Perhaps you remember his campaign pitch about “welfare queens driving Cadillac’s,?” The limitation of benefits via outside earnings has always been a Conservative belief and in truth during my time to even get welfare one had to be totally indigent and remain so while getting it. Supremely stupid, but something that politically has come from those of conservative mind.
**mespo727272 1, November 12, 2013 at 11:05 am
Mike & Oky:
I think Whitlock is saying rampant illegitimacy (he calls it “Hurricane Illegitimacy”) is causing the self-loathing on an individual level which in turn gives rise to social problems in that community. He draws a distinction between raising a child by parents and just growing up without parental involvement and believes two committed parents are needed even if there is a divorce.**
Here’s Whitlock’s analysis:
Let’s call it “Hurricane Illegitimacy.”
Its victims are primarily black and brown, but Hurricane Illegitimacy is not a black or brown problem. It’s an American problem that is denied and exacerbated on the left and mischaracterized and exploited on the right. **
**
Like climate change, Hurricane Illegitimacy is powered by man-made factors: **
Needless injected propaganda meant to reinforce in minds of those already sold/those they wish to sell the idea to, on the concept of Climate Change, meant to bring higher taxes for Wallst crooks benifit, payed for by citizens as opposed to charging the Polluters to pay for their own messes.
**
1. A lack of proper restraints on welfare entitlement programs for single mothers and fathers.
2. America’s bogus war on poor people who use and sell drugs.
3. Turning incarceration into a for-profit business model.
4. A refusal to recognize that investment in the education of our poorest and weakest citizens could strengthen our entire society.
5. Our collective lack of courage and resolve to combat popular-culture forces that celebrate, normalize and profit from baby-mama and criminal culture.
Because of this melting-pot-country’s history, we’ve been conditioned to identify the race of a person misbehaving and examine the racial implications. We would be far better served looking at the family history.
**
Mespo,
We can see one case study of 1800s/1900s American History a conscious/preplanned effort by the govt to destabilize the family unit/community structure of Native American culture as the govt shipped their children off to boarding schools.
We witness that type of “Brainwashing” through “Education” stll today at religious schools, public schools here in the USA & in places like Saudi Arabia.
When the US military brings in new recruits the mil. has them take tests, evaluates the individuals info and then retrains/brainwashes the recruit to serve the mil. needs.
So when I hear people/politicians harping that they want more money for education, I look at what’s already been spent and it’s results and ask myself just what it is the intend to “Educate/Brainwash” these young people to be?
Money/effort isn’t the problem, the problem is the govt’s goal and regardless black/brown/white/red we see the govt has been very successful at achieving the govt’s/wallst’s goal of producing communities that fail on a grand scale.
The govt/Wallst “Object” has been a complete collapse of families. That’s why the govt/Wallst Banks/Insurances co’s have built all of their preplanned ghettos coast to coast.
As a land developer/builder I see them everywhere.
Others see things as I do. I point out Infowars all the time not because he’s the only one I hear there, but because infowars has a grasp of what the complete picture looks like for everyone to see.
IE: The master blue print of the complex that’s being intentionally built by Wallst.
Wallst wants this country in chaos looking like Argentina, Greece, most Europe, etc…
It’s a preplanned scientific military style operation to destroy this nation & it’s citizens using all the info Wallst has acquired from all recorded history of tyrannies.
So when I see the govt/Wallst poisoning kids before they are even born I do not hold them 100% responsible for turning out rotten in many cases.
We might not be able to fix all the ones damaged already, but we can change the game for the ones that haven’t be born yet.
And as I & others always go back to the 1st thing that has to be fixed to address all these problems is for the people to regain control over what is used as currency.
IE; See the Paul Volcker piece above & I’ve many other pieces like that filling in all those blanks in that area. Elaine, Rafflaw,others have also posted many on this msg bb
BTW: I thought more the a decade back it might take me more then the rest of my life on that issue of currency so I guess I’m right on schedule yet the people of this country could fix it tomorrow if the understood why it’s in the interest to do so.
Until then it’s just more gang bangers, hoodrats, authoritarian police states & for profit prison industrial complex.
“Why do they do that? Why dont/didnt the government have incentives to stay together?
Did you ever question the system?”
Bron,
It was done because the thrust of racism and the thrust of conservatives is to come down more heavily on the males. It was done because conservatives, like you, felt that people didn’t really need welfare.etc.
Question the system? I fought it from the inside and got away with it.
Mike Spindell:
Why do they do that? Why dont/didnt the government have incentives to stay together?
Did you ever question the system?
Juliet:
I think the only conclusion we have drawn is that having an intact, 2 parent household is a good thing.
What are the statistics on boys raised in single parent households?
I have read that boys who are raised by single mothers have a much harder time in adulthood.
What I like about this venue is the record will reflect who came in and started the personal epithets. The time….5:31pm Eastern. How about saying what you think, Julia.
My name isn’t “Julia” and I’m weary of your bigoted epithets and your racism.
Boys grow up to be bullies, in part, because they are taught that being kind and considerate is weak. If they also happen to have absent fathers, blame the sperm donors, not the women who stick around to raise them. A culture of violence is much more complicated than those awful black women having babies when they aren’t married. Perhaps it isn’t the absense of a father that’s the main problem. Perhaps it’s the absence of a single, responsible parent who has to work two or three jobs to survive. Perhaps if our society provided enough help to the working poor such that they can actually have time to parent, we could begin to solve these problems.
Threads adjust, take left/right turns and evolve. If a person were to read the Whitlock pieces that mespo references, it makes sense.
I read it. There’s some self-loathing going on, for sure. It’s overly simplistic. And there’s no science to back it up. But that’s what I’d expect from people who get their social science from ESPN.
So, sports bullying is now the fault of unwed, black mothers? That’s the conclusion you Rhodes scholars have drawn?
“So, sports bullying is now the fault of unwed, black mothers? That’s the conclusion you Rhodes scholars have drawn?”
Juliet,
Oh think of the scholarship that went into developing these deep theses!
Mespo:
I agree. Children without fathers have a hard way to go in this world.
Elaine:
Yep, I agree with that conclusion. I wasnt specifying race, a single parent, fatherless household is bad news for children of any race.
It is a shame that more people dont understand they arent perfect and cut their spouse some slack.
I am guessing one of the reasons for college educated people to be married is that they probably had a 2 parent intact family.
We will eventually, as a society, pay the price for single parent households.
Sowell and Williams both say that there are 3 things which contribute to getting and staying out of poverty:
1. at least a high school education or some sort of viable trade.
2. staying married.
3. not having children unless you are married.
Seems like good advice to me.
For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage
By JASON DePARLE and SABRINA TAVERNISE
Published: February 17, 2012
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/18/us/for-women-under-30-most-births-occur-outside-marriage.html
Excerpt:
LORAIN, Ohio — It used to be called illegitimacy. Now it is the new normal. After steadily rising for five decades, the share of children born to unmarried women has crossed a threshold: more than half of births to American women under 30 occur outside marriage.
Once largely limited to poor women and minorities, motherhood without marriage has settled deeply into middle America. The fastest growth in the last two decades has occurred among white women in their 20s who have some college education but no four-year degree, according to Child Trends, a Washington research group that analyzed government data.
Among mothers of all ages, a majority — 59 percent in 2009 — are married when they have children. But the surge of births outside marriage among younger women — nearly two-thirds of children in the United States are born to mothers under 30 — is both a symbol of the transforming family and a hint of coming generational change.
One group still largely resists the trend: college graduates, who overwhelmingly marry before having children. That is turning family structure into a new class divide, with the economic and social rewards of marriage increasingly reserved for people with the most education.
“Marriage has become a luxury good,” said Frank Furstenberg, a sociologist at the University of Pennsylvania.
The shift is affecting children’s lives. Researchers have consistently found that children born outside marriage face elevated risks of falling into poverty, failing in school or suffering emotional and behavioral problems.
nick:
The Atlantic reports that part of that figure is due to the decline of married black women having babies thus elevating the percentage among unmarried black women. The figure do show that unwed black women are having fewer babies but the overall percentage of 72% is disturbing. Still the rate for some inner cities is 80% birth rate to unwed black women.
http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2009/02/the-math-on-black-out-of-wedlock-births/6738/
Bron,
I understand about children who are fatherless. That said, there have been many children who were left fatherless after war. They didn’t all turn into bullies.
You’re missing the point about our culture. Many people here idolize athletes. They get away with shenanigans when they are young that other kids would be punished for. It isn’t just the boys who are fatherless. Lots of these young athletes get pretty much a free pass with regard to their behavior in some places.
72% of black babies are born to unwed mothers.
Bron:
I think the devastating effects of illegitimacy are greatly underrated especially in impoverished communities.
Elaine M:
maybe they dont have fathers in the house as nick and Mespo have pointed out.
Maybe the problem isnt football but single mothers raising boys?
nick/Mespo:
An intact, 2 parent household is a huge plus for raising well adjusted children. Fathers are very important. Mothers nurture but fathers help build self-confidence and other positive traits.
The culture today puts little value on 2 parent households or fathers for that matter.
It is too bad more people dont understand that.