TSA Moves Against The Sock Monkey Menace

sockmonkey2 Despite years of bad press over arrests of TSA employees and studies showing questionable success in detecting weapons, TSA can claim a perfect record in disarming sock puppets. At least that is what Phyllis May of Redmond, Washington has reported after her cowboy sock monkey, “Rooster Monkburn,” had its tiny gun confiscated by a TSA agent as a potential weapon. It was not even a Osama Bin Monkin puppet.

The crackdown on armed sock puppets may be part of the general crackdown on humor by the TSA.

May runs a sock puppet business (yes, someone runs a sock puppet business) and says that she was on her way with her husband from St. Louis to Sea-Tac when she noticed that one of her bags was missing at security. A TSA agent then held up her bag and demanded to know “whose is this?” When May explained it was hers, the agent pulled out the two-inch gun and reportedly said “this is a gun.” When May made the obvious comment that it was a two-inch sock puppet gun, the TSA allegedly said “If I held it up to your neck, you wouldn’t know if it was real or not.” Well, particularly if you are a sock puppet pilot.

The sock puppet was presumably put through a cavity search. Rooster Monkburn likely tried to stare down the officer and refuse to give up his miniscule Navy colt but she no doubt responded that “I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat puppet.”

TSA released a statement that “TSA officers are dedicated to keeping the nation’s transportation security systems safe and secure for the traveling public. Under longstanding aircraft security policy, and out of an abundance of caution, realistic replicas of firearms are prohibited in carry-on bags.” It failed to add that these officers are the front-line defense against the sock puppet menace: a soulless, ruthless group that seeks to radicalize Western hosiery and create a sock caliphate.

Source: King5

34 thoughts on “TSA Moves Against The Sock Monkey Menace”

  1. Because of this Gestapo, I have to put all my liquids in my checked in bag & forgo regular hygene, nutrition & hydration for about 24 hours when flying. (much longer & more expensive if you forget to plan it all & have to throw out expensive, hard to replace items) The jury might be out on possible intervention on 3/11/11, but by now anyone with an inquiring mind knows that 9/11/01 was, at least in part, an inside job.

  2. Let this be a teaching moment for Christmas travelers. Don’t carry toy guns in your carry-on bags – especially 2-inch ones.

  3. If sock monkeys’ guns were outlawed only outlaw sock monkeys would have guns.

    “I will give you my gun when you pry it from my cotton, polyester hands”
    – Rooster Mockburn,

  4. So, are school officials taking jobs in the TSA, or are TSA agents moving to school districts?

    I’m assuming the gun was made of plastic. And Congress did just reauthorize the ban on plastic guns. Maybe there was a memo.

  5. The TSA allegedly said “If I held it up to your neck, you wouldn’t know if it was real or not.”

    How about if I saw it first?

    If I didn’t see it, then you can press a nickel against my neck and I couldn’t be sure if that was the barrel of a real gun or not. I’ve never had a gun pressed to my neck for comparison.

  6. http://www.scmp.com/news/china/article/1376652/chinese-scientists-upbeat-development-invisibility-cloak

    Chinese scientists upbeat on development of invisibility cloak

    One team has already made a cat ‘disappear’ with a device that has huge military potential

    “We are invisible people studying invisible technology,” said a researcher involved in the project.”

    The NSA now claim to have captured several invisible people and state that they believe they have saved the Nation from an invisible invasion!

  7. This just in…Flash…Alien Nuclear Puppet Blaster (NPB) just took out the State of Amnesia with invisible ray…. NSA now in possession of NPB,….
    ….more on NBC at NEWS @ 11.

  8. Stupidity know no bounds, but disarming a hand puppet puts a pretty good frame around it.

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