We have previously discussed the issues surrounding decisions to raise children according to their non-biological sex at a young age. Now, a Massachusetts couple has decided that their five-year-old daughter must be a boy and has decided to raise the child a such. I will readily admit that I am not an expert in this field, but as a parent of four I find such a decision to be highly troubling and premature. A five-year-old child seems far far too early to make such an extreme change. Indeed, this determination was made a year earlier.
The child is now called Jack Lemay rather than Mia Lemay. The change occurred after, at age four, the parents took the child to a family therapy team which concluded that the four-year-old was transgender.
The mother, Mimi, insisted that what she saw as a “psychological burden that I don’t think anyone should have to deal with, especially not my child.” She said that the child began early on saying that she liked boy things and saying that she was a boy. The father, Joe, said that “he was showing real signs of a lot of shame and self-hatred.” Now, as Jacob, they say that the child is thriving.
They are indeed the parents and must act according to their best judgment for their child. However, as a friend, I would have strongly discouraged such a change at such an early age.
What do you think?
Source: CBS
I am no doctor and have no credentials, but have been reading quite a bit on this topic for about a year. While of course each person has their own reasons for feeling as though they are “supposed” be the opposite gender, there are several theories that attempt to explain how/why this happens. I am not vouching for any of these, but am simply putting them here for discussion and perhaps to promote further understanding of this issue. Some seem more plausible than others, but most have at least some glimmer of merit. Some of these “causes” of transgenderism I’ve read about include:
• Exposure to an atypical combination of hormones during pregnancy.
• Females who wish to be males may be dismayed at how females are treated by society and desire to be male in order to enjoy male privilege.
• Females who wish to be males may conclude they must be male if they do not fit the ultra-feminine, sexy female stereotype prevalent in the media.
• Kids or teens who fear growing up may wish to be the other gender in order to avoid the stresses and expectations put upon them by society — if you’re a man, society says you must be virile, powerful and successful; if you’re a woman, society says you must be sexy and subservient.
• Parents who are seeking attention, or want to be “cool” or “progressive,” or perhaps even have Münchausen syndrome by proxy.
• Parents who want their child to be “special” or famous.
• Doctors who too readily push puberty blockers, hormones and transition as the only treatment, or as a cure.
• Radical trans activists seeking out and pushing the radical trans agenda on perhaps-gay children, convincing kids and their parents that these gender-bending kids must transition in order to find happiness
• Anti-gay sentiment: changing your child’s gender is better than allowing them to be gay. Change her gender, and your girl-loving girl is now a girl-loving boy.
• Anti-female sentiment: girls are worthless; turn them into boys so they will have value and be more interesting and powerful.
• YouTube and Tumblr “teaching” kids about transgenderism and convincing them to transition, that it is the only way for questioning kids to achieve happiness.
• It’s a fad among the Tumblr teen crowd, much as bisexuality was a few years ago. Shy, misfit teens who want to belong to a group might say they are trans in order to be “edgy” or “special.” In the last few years, the number of girls on Tumblr who say they are trans has exploded.
• Some say Tumblr teens are in a contest to see who belongs to the most put-upon, disrespected, misunderstood minority, and being trans certainly scores big in this fight to belong to the most downtrodden, marginalized group.
• Some say most males who transition actually experience autogynephilia, a form of fetishism, and desire to become a woman in order to satisfy their sexual desires.
• Some radical feminists feel that men who transition are doing so to invade the female culture and take positions of power for themselves, deliberately stealing back the power women have gained.
• Some believe men who transition are doing so in order to gain access to females in restrooms and locker rooms in order to satisfy a sexual fetish.
• A female with PTSD resulting from physical or sexual abuse may desire to become male as a way to feel more powerful and safe.
There are no easy answers. What seems to be a recurring theme of late is an emphasis on the fact that a good number of those who star in YouTube videos, which show them gloriously whooping it up as they take their hormone shots, find that transitioning does not solve their problems and in fact creates new ones. Many end up unsatisfied and eventually de-transition (to the point that they can). Some accuse the trans community of looking down upon those who detransition. Some who have detransitioned say they were bullied into keeping quiet because telling their stories — which did not have happy endings — would make the trans community look bad, or let the cat out of the bad that transition might not be the be-all, end-all answer.
Personally, I think five years old is too young. I think 15 is too young. In my opinion, let these kids grow up, well into adulthood, and see if things change naturally before performing such drastic and potentially harmful procedures that often end up not being enough to end the dysphoria, or end up causing other problems.
I feel so badly for anyone who is so dysphoric with the gender they were born as, that they feel the need to transition. These are people whose minds tell them it necessary to remove healthy tissue from their bodies — how bad must they feel about themselves be to want to chop of healthy body parts? Also, transitioning makes finding a life partner very difficult, as a potential mate who is attracted to females wants a female, and a potential mate who is attracted to males wants a male. It is biologically impossible for a transitioned person to actually be the opposite gender — they can get as close as medically possible, but the person does not completely become the opposite sex. It is just not possible.
I know this is terribly un-PC, but doesn’t it seem like it would be easier to change someone’s mind to fit their body than to attempt to change their body to fit their mind? Many of these treatments are so dangerous, causing higher rates of cancer, as well as other medical problems.
At the link is very poignant essay written by female who at one point was transitioning to be a male, then realized that wasn’t working to fix her life. She detransitioned back to female, but realized that she could not go back fully. My heart aches for her, as she no matter what she did, she never felt comfortable with who she was. http://the-tusk.com/2015/04/20/uncomfortable-people/
Mr Turley
I hope you take some time and view the entire interview. I’ve linked it above and then the crapy YouTube version. Listen to the parents and understand how this child, as a girl, was withdrawn and starting to hurt herself. Since this transition has begun, Jacob is a bright active and fully self aware young boy who now loves life. I’m not sure that keeping him as a girl, ney, forcing him to remain a girl would have been a positive choice to make. Please look at the statistics of young children and how they chose death over struggle to maintain an “accepted” or “normal” self worth in a society that doesn’t or refuses to accept their own genuine self.
Jacob was hitting all the triggers and signs of gender dysphoria. I’m sure their doctor agreed… even if you don’t.
“There’s two different things here. Sexuality is who you personally are attracted to—who turns you on— male or female. But gender identity has to do with who you are as a person and your soul, and who you identify with inside, okay?”
~ Bruce Jenner
Aridog and Max-1 – you might have the young man watch the foreign film Ida. I think he might identify somewhat with Ida. Of course, there is always Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a great little film. He might also identify with that. I would get permission from the parents for either or both.
Airdog
Re: your friend
You’re doing good. My concern is his mental well being and his personal outlook at his life and how that manifests itself in his daily life. You’ve shared a bit about how he’s hesitant to get close to a woman. That makes sense and counseling can help, albeit the ‘correct’ counselor, as you suggested, is required. It must be tough for him. I’m sure he’s glad to have you around.
Airdog
re: Video cards
Built in motherboard video drivers… updated?
Usually updating the OS works. good luck.
on 1, April 24, 2015 at 7:35 pmMax-1
Annie,
Thanks for adding the video’s above. It is important that people understand that children are people, too.
************************
You’re welcome Max. I see the “experts” here who reject those who are probably far more qualified than they in the field of transgendered children, just kept on and on. Thanks to Joan the MD for trying to educate them, but alas….
Max-1 … I try hard to be the best I can be for his benefit. I am becoming a soft old man as I age, and it’s actually better than the cold hearted SOB I was not long ago. The surgery call is soon to be made and I hope I can help him in his decision. It really is his call, just as you said. He does have access to counseling before it, however much or little that may help. I don’t hold out much confidence in psychiatrists or psychologists….with a few exceptions.
Max-1 … all of those things are those that I need to examine deeply. Power cycled today…but more to do. I do have updates for Win 7 Pro that I’ve not downloaded yet. And of course the sundry near daily Adobe (free ware stuff) and Java updates demanded. I’ve no problems with Adobe paid for software, just the “free” stuff….the “free-ware” stuff always makes my PC nuts….have to delete all prior versions and download new ones, updates just cause problems. Not sure what the video card is (likely a built in version on the mother board, since I am not a “gamer” nor a movie watcher on the PC, I don’t stipulate special & optional video cards)…will check that and let you know.
Airdog
re: I know one young man
Watch the BBC documentary I posted just above. Share it with him if he hasn’t seen it yet. And continue to be strong for him, you’re being a good mentor, if only through brief shared moments. Remember, you’re creating memories and good ones at that. As far as surgery goes, that’s his call. He’ll need counseling going into it. I hope he has access to counseling now to address self image/esteem and body image issues. It can’t be easy… be a firm shoulder for him to lean on and be a safe place for him when he needs comfort.
Squeeky this SITE covers all things “Dervish” and lists their appearances in the USA. Usually in the early spring. Cathy Jordan is one of those Irish songstresses whose flawless Gaelic is easily “felt” even if you don’t know the words.
Wade, some people should never teach children, much less have them. Toxic households affect the maturing brains of children negatively, poor kids.
Aridog
re: ghost images
Have you power cycled your computer recently? Also check for updates for your browser and operating platform i.e windows updates. Also, what kind of video card do you have and are the drivers updated?
Cockroaches… anyone?
It’s the innate ability one posses to dehumanize a person or people so as to buttress their agenda. Puppies… Cocker Spaniels, to be exact.
BFM
More here Re: Bruce
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2015/04/22/3649811/fox-news-transgender-jazz-cocker-spaniel/
It’s the framing of her argument that matters… the belittling of transgender children, she compared them to when she thought f herself o be a puppy. OK… why would she make such associations like that? As if she has experience of being a transgendered person? Nope… so why the absurd equivocating on her behalf? She prefaced her arguments, “It’s insane to say that somebody has a boy’s body and a girl’s brain. What’s a girl’s brain?” Yep… she went there. Puppies. She should have said ponies… YES?
@Max-1: ” the belittling of transgender children, she compared them to when she thought f herself o be a puppy.”
My recollection was, and the article confirms, that it was Lipkins who said “It’s insane to say that somebody has a boy’s body and a girl’s brain. What’s a girl’s brain?” – not Bruce. It seems to me that is a valid scientific question.
It is my understanding that Lipkins raised this question to point out the uncritical assumptions made by the book ‘I am Jazz’. ‘Jazz’ may be terrific as a description of the challenges faced by a trans child – I have not read the book and make no claims about it. But the emotional truth of the book does not necessarily support the validity of the books explanations for what is going on with the child.
I am no expert but my recollection is that we believe that brain anatomy accounts for the fact that women as a group do better verbally than men and perhaps are better at multitasking as well. I am sure that a reader with a little more background in psychology and brain function could tell us many more differences between males and females.
A reasonable question then would be when do those changes begin, when do they have significant effect, and what if any implications do those differences have for trans children? At this point I would argue that we just do not know the answers to those questions.
Further, I do not agree that Bruce belittled trans children or implied that their view of them selves is not any different from her view of herself as a cocker spaniel. Bruce was not saying trans children are like children who think of them selves as cocker spaniels. On the contrary, she was pointing out that there is a huge difference. The difficult and important problem lies in determining which children are trans and which children are just exploring.
BTW, if you cannot admit that with our current state of knowledge there is the distinct possibility that some children are exploring (rather than trans) then you are the one who disrespects children and the validity of their personal view – not Tammy Bruce.
I stand by my previously stated understanding that Bruce was pointing out that children have many fascinations as they grow up and that the difficult and important question is to figure out which of those interests will matter years later. It seems to me that with our current state of knowledge that gets it just about right.
BTW, I am not even a Tammy Bruce fan. I used to listen to her occasionally just to get incited into an argumentative mood. Now, I wouldn’t mind blasting a couple of hundred rounds with an M1911 and then going to knock back a few cool ones with her. After all, a gun toting lesbian is bound to have some interesting stories. But agree with her? Not so much.
Airdog
re: Intersex
Me, My Sex and I
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0139jv4
http://bbc.in/PQw71p
@Aridog
Oh, thank you for those two songs!!! I have never heard that canticle, or of Dervish before, sooo I downloaded them and will get some more of Dervish’s stuff!
I do that too, about keeping either youtube and/or my VLC player open while I am on here and other places. That way I can always get a break. Even while I am typing.
Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter
Nick…I’ve got a scroll wheel on my mouse, and that is all I need to by-pass the inane and insane. 🙂 When I am “down” this SONG and this SONG always pick me up. The latter is in my profile as a creed I try to live by. Translation of the latter song is in the block for the piece, in parentheticals.
BFM, Thanks for intervening. We people who try and discuss w/ integrity are hindered by this ilk, who dissemble to try and make their point. JT has to make a decision, is DISSEMBLING and taunting part of his free speech credo? This guy was run out of here a while back. But, like bad pennies, they always return.
Paul C. …the doctors should have waited and not tried to create a destiny, albeit I suspect their motives were positive. “Science” is not infallible and reliance on it when it comes to people with genetic issues is often folly, when “when in doubt, wait and see” would have been a better hypothesis. Humans are just not like modeling clay and we cannot shape them to our will…and they should have known that at one of the most prestigious University Hospitals in the country. I suspect that with todays near 2 decades later advances in science that those doctors would now agree with me or at least have had a better grasp of what the kid really was. There had to be “markers’ to be observed via testing, in today’s world anyway.
I will keep it up. Ive known him since infancy and provided him with pure bred German Shepherd dogs to be company, unfettered adoration is something we all need now and then. I’ll give up driving every other day before I quit this young man. However, there’s no danger of that at present.
I really am open to suggestions. Anyone who has one, please speak up.
Max-1 beats me as your post now shows the link you intended. I am going to have to run a thorough, more so than usual, deep scan of my PC, to see if anything trojan/virus like is there.
I did a screen save to Excel, but I have no idea how to post that here to show you. Email me (it’s in my profile) and I can send it to you. Or tell me how to take it from Excel and post it here. A bit more knowledge won’t hurt me…:D
Since it has appeared on more than one person’s posting, I now suspect it is an issue on my end, although I have no automatic feeds set up to look at comments here or elsewhere, and I am not the only one cited in the weird screen.