Can You Guess What This Man Was Charged With?

colinmurphy16If you answered the earlier mugshot challenge correctly, you are a genius. If you answer this one, you are a God. This is Colin Murphy, 23, who was arrested at a Kroger store in Cincinnati after stripping naked (apparently a trend this week) and defecated on a self-checkout scanner. I assume that folks moved to the next counter for a while.

The police say that Murphy smelled of alcohol and had slurred speech when he entered the Kroger and “stripped naked in front of” a male employee. Murphy “defecated on U-Scan it.” There is no word what the scanner read, but police charged him with disorderly conduct and public indecency charges.

If the pooping on a scanner is a felony but running naked with only bells on (our previous case) is a misdemeanor. The choice is yours.

He was given a $2000 bail and later released.

18 thoughts on “Can You Guess What This Man Was Charged With?

  1. Apparently, he’s now vying for the current job opening for a Silverback Lowland Gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo, after seeing that benefits include an enclosure and two females.

  2. If the drunk, Colin meets up with Sheriff Stockburn and his deputies, watch out. Maybe he should keep his mouth shut, be sober, belt buckled and pants zipped.

  3. Check out clerks can be fastidious about keeping those scanners clean, using Windex to keep the scanner clean and efficient. But, this is above and beyond the call of duty.

  4. This doesn’t seem like a high enough charge, considering what the owners or employees are going to have to go through to clean that counter. Or maybe they’ll just throw the entire thing away, counter, scanner, and all. How many thousands of dollars will that cost? And how many customers will be grossed out and not now want to shop there because they think there’s poo cooties on the scanner?

    And what if he exposed him to any number of diseases in his feces, which is a common means of transmission? (See Medieval diseases spread by raw sewage in the street.)

  5. Woman in the checkout line realizes that the scanner where her fresh fruit is getting run through is likely the one someone just crapped on…How many customers are going to shop elsewhere, regardless of what kind of germicide they use? You can clean a toilet brush all day long, but people are still going to be grossed out if you use it to scrub their peaches in the sink.

  6. He has a version of szophrenia called Spike 4. That means his illness has one single focus and in this case it is the scanner. He thought he had worms and wanted his turds scanned for worms. He should be put back in the nut house for a year or so and given some treatment.

  7. Thank you fellow readers. After digesting with disgust and sadness the previous postings that reveal the breadth and depth of federal corruption, thank you for the comic relief. “Scrubbing peaches in a sink with a toilet bowl scrubber ,” was the best. I am still chuckling.

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