Can You Guess What This Person Was Charged With?

Van-BangerIf you said, attempted sex with a van, you need help. That bizarre charge was filed against Michael Henson, who (not surprisingly) appeared intoxicated. I would hope so.

Police were called around 8 pm to the scene after a report of a man who was pulling down his pants and swinging on a stop sign. When they arrived, he was only wearing black gym sport and shoes and attempting to have sex with the grill of a van parked on the street. Now that is one thing that most people would not anticipate in trying to find a parking space safe from things like getting dinged or dented.

The man then appeared to pass out on a nearby yard. The charge is a simple public indecency count since there is no other crime that fit sexual assault of a vehicle.

Nissan_NV350_CARAVAN_Microbus_GX_(E26)_frontThe make of the van is not released. While it is customary to withhold the name of a sexual assault victim, this does not appear to be the reason. A couple of possibilities would be the Isuzu Filly; Daihatsu Xenia; GAZ GAZelle; and the forever bewitching Suzuko Rascal.

By the way, this is hardly unheard of as a crime. (here and here). The objects of such affection in past cases have included cars, car vacuums, helicopters, and mailboxes. Most are charged out as indecent exposure . . . and over exposure on the Internet.

18 thoughts on “Can You Guess What This Person Was Charged With?”

  1. Darren is correct about the autoeroticism, but van-ity goes along with autoeroticism, as among infantile traits, as Carl Jung has pointed out.

    I would also like to suggest a special feature whenever Professor Turley presents one of these “guess what the person was charged with” articles. A “can you match the perps” quiz should accompany the article, with photos of a handful or so of persons so charged from previous articles, marked, say “a” to “e” — along with the charges, out of order, of course, labeled “1” to “5.” There seems to be no shortage of such novel charges.

  2. I don’t know what this guy was arrested for but if my dog had a face like that I’d shave its ass and make him walk backwards!

  3. The grill? Ouch!

    This guy needs to be banned from all car shows in case he gets too excited.

  4. Tin, Darren, Squeek and Jay w/ a witty start to Friday. Thanks for the laughs. Would the grill constitute oral copulation and the tailpipe anal? Asking for a friend.

  5. Oh my, this could have ended very badly! That sounds like a segue into an Irish Poem!

    Honest Engine???
    An Irish Poem by Squeeky Fromm

    There once was a very drunk man,
    Who tried to have sex with a van!
    He raised up the hood,
    And said ” It’s all good”
    ‘Til his “thing” got whacked off by the fan!

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

  6. What makes you think the van is female? Anyway, it’s a good thing that no animals were in the vicinity……

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