Ugandan Official Asks For Wads of Cash To Be Placed Into Casket To Bribe God

300px-god2-sistine_chapelCharles Obong, 52, a deceased Ugandan government official, appeared to be quite concerned about being called to account for his life and actions. Accordingly, he instructed that at least $5,700 (roughly P280,000) be placed inside his casket as an “offertory” to forgive God for his sins and “save him from hell fire.” Given his view of not only the susceptibility or ease of bribing the Almighty, I expect he has good reason to be concerned. While I am still a bit confused of why the Almighty would want Ugandan dollars or where he would use the cash, such attempted bribes are generally viewed as beyond the reach of criminal codes — even ones with really really really long-arm jurisdiction.

I am intrigued about his reliance on his relatives or counsel to honestly place the wads of $100 notes in the coffin. Not that I would be tempted, of course. I am an honest lawyer. I would take the cash and place a personal check for the full amount in the casket to be cashed anytime that God wants the money.

36 thoughts on “Ugandan Official Asks For Wads of Cash To Be Placed Into Casket To Bribe God”

  1. Maybe he’s starting to believe his own email scams. Isn’t Uganda supposed to be the prime originator?

    Should we explain to him that Indulgences are no longer available? I suppose there is a point in everyone’s life where even atheists and the corrupt believe in God and get worried.

  2. Well, it couldn’t hurt. At that point, what else is he going to do with the money?

    Any sensible person would have already spent the money on wine and women, or the horses.

      1. @Nick Spinelli: ” I bet Chicago people do this as well.”

        I think I have to agree – on both sides of the equation.

        Chicagoans certainly know how to party with wine and woman.

        And if anyone can make that special connection with cash, it has to be somebody from Chicago where so many have shown so much skill handling money.

        I would have to say, if it can be done with cash, someone from Chicago knows how to do it.

        Now don’t get me wrong. I love Chicago, one of the truly great cities for architecture, and Harold’s fried chicken.

  3. Morticians seldom make it into heaven. They have taken things out of caskets that God only knows.
    I was at a funeral and the sister of a dead guy came up to the open casket and began talking to him. When she was done talking she took a pearl handled revolver out of her purse, check to see it was loaded, and placed it in the coffin near his right hand. She said, “Here Harold, you will need this where you are going.” I overheard this. I came up to the mortician who had over heard it and saw her put the nice pistol in there. I said: “When the wife dies we are digging up the casket and moving it to her gravesite. If that gun is not in there then we will be back to see you. I don’t need to explain who we are cause you know the last name and that we are Mafiosa.” I left. The pistol was still in here a few years later when we moved the casket from one grave to another.

  4. I was wondering that as well Paul. Perhaps it was an amount slightly higher than what he received for bribes. Anything less he God would feel insulted.

    1. Olly – I suppose this is just me being cheap, but maybe 5700 is the price of the funeral and he is trying to get his friends to pay for it, not his estate. The funeral parlor will take out the money before sealing the coffin.

  5. I am not sure who God decided on the sum of the bribe in this case. That has me bothered theologically.

    1. There are intricate formulas and equations only available to the true believer and decipherable only to the recipients of all that wealth. These are some of the ‘mysteries’. Get down on your knees and take part. For the unbelievers, no vaseline.

  6. This does remind me of the old story about the parishioner who comes back to the sacristy and finds the priest throwing the day’s money from the collection plate into the air. So he asked him what he was doing. The priest said that every Sunday, after Mass, he would take the day’s collections and throw them into the air. Anything that stayed was God’s. Everything that fell to the floor was his.

  7. Visit pretty much any religious edifice, observe the lifestyle at the top of pretty much any religious representative, visit the Vatican, and you will see that which far eclipses this. There is nothing here out of the ordinary. Turley is diddling again.

  8. In Catholic school we were taught to say prayers that provided a certain number days out of purgatory. Long prayers and short prayers called ejaculations (no kidding) were encouraged. At least we didn’t have to shell out the cash for indulgences like in medieval times.

  9. One does not go up to see God in the casket. One goes up to the Pearly Gates on foot. One gets an interview before being let in the Gates. One gets in the Gates to Heaven if one passes the interview. If one fails the interview they lay you on a handbasket and send you straight to Hell. If you are in the interview they will not let you bribe Saint Peter with cash. You must have a Discover Card number. Not the card itself. No bribe will work to get you in if you were real bad like say Hitler.
    The bribe goes to a charity of Saint Peters choice back on Earth.

    In the Ugandan situation the money will still be in the casket if it made it into the ground. Wait until dark and go dig it up. Dead guy’s body might still be in there. If it is then he got into Heaven. If its gone then he went straight to Hell in the handbasket from the Pearly Gates. I know it sounds a bit far fetched but no religion is uncomplicated. If you are a dog and croak on Earth then you get the interview at the Pearly Gates and if you were a good dog you come back to Earth for another life as a dog and if you are a bad dog then you come back as a human and if a real bad dog then you come back as a dog in Morocco. There you will get treated like apcray.

  10. What does this have to do with the current state of our country?

    Nothing — absolutely nothing.

    So glad the George Town Enquirer is on top of important issues.

    1. Waa, start your own site then. There has always been a diversity of topics posted.

    2. Allow me to translate for you Jose.

      “There’s nothing on this thread to troll.” 🙁

      Your welcome.

      1. You’re both so funny! I come here for entertainment; the Pavlovian responses never fail in this regard.

  11. Reminds me of Mike Wallace obtaining a Nigerian passport years ago.

    I wonder if his being white might have raised some suspicions that the passport was bogus.

  12. One would think donating that money to charity is a better way to suck up to a celestial dictator.

  13. Prayer–which many people think is a constructive activity is asking god to change his mind. Putting $ in
    a coffin is showing god you really mean it.

    I’m sure the $ will be stolen.

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