Dinner’s On Me: North Carolina Man On Moped Arrested With Two Dozen Steaks Down In Pants

38122930_1833693306697237_2924888014364606464_nThere are patdowns and then there are patdowns. This one was particularly memorable for North Carolina sheriffs after they found $100 worth of steaks down the pants of a guy pulled over on a moped.  My question is what happened to the ribeyes: evidence locker or spontaneous grill taste and testing?  I certainly hope that they did not end up back on the store shelf after being down a guy’s pants as he rode down the highway on a moped.

The unidentified man allegedly stole at least 10 packages of steaks from a Walmart in Nashville, North Carolina.

The sheriff’s office then posted a photo of the steaks laid out on the hood of a deputy’s cruiser.

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29 thoughts on “Dinner’s On Me: North Carolina Man On Moped Arrested With Two Dozen Steaks Down In Pants”

  1. I had been informed once that if he was in Texas, he would not have been arrested for simple theft; he would have been arrested for cattle rustling. I don’t know if that’s true, but the person that told me was taking a phone call from a friend who did exactly that, and that was what he was being charged with.

    At the time, cattle rustling in Texas was not just a felony; it was a capital offense, and the thief was looking at life in prison for his offense.

    It’s a good thing for this thief that he was in North Carolina.

  2. That’s not a moped. A moped has both a motor (mo) and pedals (ped). That looks like one of those Chinese scooters, either gas or battery powered. If it’s less that 50 cc, most states don’t require a license or registration. They don’t have much power; a friend bought one at Target and returned it because it couldn’t make it up a hill, but for relatively flat land, they’re cheap and handy for commuting and getting around.

  3. Steak Man’s name is Keith Jordan, and he is 47 years old. He stole $160 worth of steaks. I think he has merited an Irish Poem!

    Where’s The Beef???
    An Irish Poem by Squeeky Fromm

    There once was a fellow named Keith,
    Whose britches, they BULGED underneath.
    They were stuffed full of meat,
    The kind you eat. . . not beat,
    But the Cops gave him a kick in the teeth!

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

        1. Squeeky – have you ever done readings of your work? People are usually very gentle and helpful. 😉 And I think you should enter your work.

        2. Squeek…..of course! You should enter your poetry! It’s too terrific not to share!
          Also……Open Mic nights are a great forum and way to meet lots of supportive people.

    1. Squeeky – he didn’t look roughed up and the moped looked fine. The steaks were all there, although they will be gone by the weekend. So, I don’t understand the kick in the teeth line.

      1. It is an idiom which basically means a setback. To wit:

        “If you describe an event as a kick in the teeth, you are emphasizing that it is very disappointing and upsetting.

        [informal, emphasis]
        This is another kick in the teeth for small businesses in the UK.
        Synonyms: setback, defeat, blow, disappointment ”

        https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/a-kick-in-the-teeth

        I thought it appropriate for this particularly with the food reference, and the fact that “teeth” is one of the few words that rhymes with Keith.

        I almost went with:

        Shrink Rap???
        An Irish Poem by Squeeky Fromm

        Keith Jordan, he sure took a chance,
        Shoplifting those steaks down his pants!
        They’re sooo cold one would think,
        That his package would shrink!
        And I don’t mean the Angus Steaks!

        Squeeky Fromm
        Girl Reporter

        1. Squeeky – I like this one better. When I am not pulled out of the poem and it just flows, like this one, it is my kind of poem. And every guy who reads it knows exactly what you mean. 😉 We have all been there.

    1. You’re probably right there. Anyone hear why he was pulled over? Was it on suspicion that he stole them, or was he breaking another law. I wonder what the officer thought when he/she felt those??

    1. Paul C. … A guy in Austin tried to rob the drive-thru window at a bank several years ago, with the teller looking a bit perplexed.

      These are not deep thinkers.

        1. Paul C…….LOL
          ….and when they make this story into a tv movie, I hope they change the moped to a bicycle…Much funnier

            1. Cindy Bragg – I hate when scriptwriters think they know the ultimate truth. The moped is perfect. Seriously, did you see the size of that guy????

                    1. Cindy Bragg – Hildy is not my secretary. She is actually the night janitor.

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