Dinner’s On Me: North Carolina Man On Moped Arrested With Two Dozen Steaks Down In Pants

38122930_1833693306697237_2924888014364606464_nThere are patdowns and then there are patdowns. This one was particularly memorable for North Carolina sheriffs after they found $100 worth of steaks down the pants of a guy pulled over on a moped.  My question is what happened to the ribeyes: evidence locker or spontaneous grill taste and testing?  I certainly hope that they did not end up back on the store shelf after being down a guy’s pants as he rode down the highway on a moped.

The unidentified man allegedly stole at least 10 packages of steaks from a Walmart in Nashville, North Carolina.

The sheriff’s office then posted a photo of the steaks laid out on the hood of a deputy’s cruiser.




29 thoughts on “Dinner’s On Me: North Carolina Man On Moped Arrested With Two Dozen Steaks Down In Pants”

  1. I had been informed once that if he was in Texas, he would not have been arrested for simple theft; he would have been arrested for cattle rustling. I don’t know if that’s true, but the person that told me was taking a phone call from a friend who did exactly that, and that was what he was being charged with.

    At the time, cattle rustling in Texas was not just a felony; it was a capital offense, and the thief was looking at life in prison for his offense.

    It’s a good thing for this thief that he was in North Carolina.

  2. That’s not a moped. A moped has both a motor (mo) and pedals (ped). That looks like one of those Chinese scooters, either gas or battery powered. If it’s less that 50 cc, most states don’t require a license or registration. They don’t have much power; a friend bought one at Target and returned it because it couldn’t make it up a hill, but for relatively flat land, they’re cheap and handy for commuting and getting around.

  3. Steak Man’s name is Keith Jordan, and he is 47 years old. He stole $160 worth of steaks. I think he has merited an Irish Poem!

    Where’s The Beef???
    An Irish Poem by Squeeky Fromm

    There once was a fellow named Keith,
    Whose britches, they BULGED underneath.
    They were stuffed full of meat,
    The kind you eat. . . not beat,
    But the Cops gave him a kick in the teeth!

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

    1. Miss Squeek…..Brava! Finally a poem I can sink my teeth into. 😊

        1. Squeeky – have you ever done readings of your work? People are usually very gentle and helpful. 😉 And I think you should enter your work.

        2. Squeek…..of course! You should enter your poetry! It’s too terrific not to share!
          Also……Open Mic nights are a great forum and way to meet lots of supportive people.

    2. Squeeky – he didn’t look roughed up and the moped looked fine. The steaks were all there, although they will be gone by the weekend. So, I don’t understand the kick in the teeth line.

      1. It is an idiom which basically means a setback. To wit:

        “If you describe an event as a kick in the teeth, you are emphasizing that it is very disappointing and upsetting.

        [informal, emphasis]
        This is another kick in the teeth for small businesses in the UK.
        Synonyms: setback, defeat, blow, disappointment ”


        I thought it appropriate for this particularly with the food reference, and the fact that “teeth” is one of the few words that rhymes with Keith.

        I almost went with:

        Shrink Rap???
        An Irish Poem by Squeeky Fromm

        Keith Jordan, he sure took a chance,
        Shoplifting those steaks down his pants!
        They’re sooo cold one would think,
        That his package would shrink!
        And I don’t mean the Angus Steaks!

        Squeeky Fromm
        Girl Reporter

        1. Squeeky – I like this one better. When I am not pulled out of the poem and it just flows, like this one, it is my kind of poem. And every guy who reads it knows exactly what you mean. 😉 We have all been there.

  4. I’m guessing he spent his party money on beer, and had to improvise in order to have any food.

    1. You’re probably right there. Anyone hear why he was pulled over? Was it on suspicion that he stole them, or was he breaking another law. I wonder what the officer thought when he/she felt those??

    1. Paul C. … A guy in Austin tried to rob the drive-thru window at a bank several years ago, with the teller looking a bit perplexed.

      These are not deep thinkers.

        1. Paul C…….LOL
          ….and when they make this story into a tv movie, I hope they change the moped to a bicycle…Much funnier

            1. Cindy Bragg – I hate when scriptwriters think they know the ultimate truth. The moped is perfect. Seriously, did you see the size of that guy????

                    1. Cindy Bragg – Hildy is not my secretary. She is actually the night janitor.

                  1. Paul C. She’s the janitor? Well that would explain the monogrammed overalls.

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