Constitutional Crisis: My Dog Hates James Madison

I have often balked at declarations that we are facing a “constitutional crisis,” a term thrown around by politicians as a type of exclamation point for a political cause or claim. The Constitution was built for bad times, not good times. It often borders on constitutional defamation to claim a constitutional crisis. Until today…

As many know I am not just a Madisonian scholar but a devotee of all things Madison. Until Father’s Day, however, I lacked the one thing that could make my life complete: a life-sized James Madison. That problem was rectified by one of my sons and I proudly positioned (to my wife’s chagrin) Madison in our living room. It was my Christmas Leg Lamp.

That is when I learned that my dog hates Madison. Luna keeps barking at the father of our Constitution like he was some Tory loyalist.

Must I choose between my best framer and my best friend? Are Goldendoodles just irredeemably factional? It may be the fact that Madison’s pet was not a dog but a parrot named Polly but, in truth, the macaw was really Dolley’s pet.

I have tried everything. I gave Luna treats next to James. I have tried to sit with them both. Nothing works.

To paraphrase Madison from the Constitutional Convention, “the man who is possessed of wealth, who lolls on his sofa or rolls in his carriage, cannot judge the wants or feelings of the [canine].”

40 thoughts on “Constitutional Crisis: My Dog Hates James Madison”

    1. “Fear?” The anti-federalist were right. We need them now more than ever.

  1. Maybe try draping one of your already worn shirts on Madison so it will get your scent.

  2. Goldendoodles are not irredeemably factional. They are irredeemably smart. Introduce something new into their settled surroundings and you’re going to hear about it. We’ve learned that from our Scotties. Rub the familiar scent of a robe on Madison’s replica and put one of Luna’s favorite toys near or on it. Something Luna can associate with the Turley family.

    1. Maybe Madison needs a Cubs ball cap or a Bears sweatshirt to make him a bit more part of the family. 🙂

  3. “Get off of my property, you self-evident heretic, and heed your own adjuration.”

    – Luna

    “[Private property is] that dominion which one man claims and exercises over the external things of the world, in exclusion of every other individual.”

    – James Madison

  4. Luna keeps barking at the father of our Constitution…

    Sonia Sotomayor keeps barking at the US Constitution.


  5. Really if it were a life size Hamilton he got all riled up over, I’d be praising him to no end.

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