Constitutional Crisis: My Dog Hates James Madison

I have often balked at declarations that we are facing a “constitutional crisis,” a term thrown around by politicians as a type of exclamation point for a political cause or claim. The Constitution was built for bad times, not good times. It often borders on constitutional defamation to claim a constitutional crisis. Until today…

As many know I am not just a Madisonian scholar but a devotee of all things Madison. Until Father’s Day, however, I lacked the one thing that could make my life complete: a life-sized James Madison. That problem was rectified by one of my sons and I proudly positioned (to my wife’s chagrin) Madison in our living room. It was my Christmas Leg Lamp.

That is when I learned that my dog hates Madison. Luna keeps barking at the father of our Constitution like he was some Tory loyalist.

Must I choose between my best framer and my best friend? Are Goldendoodles just irredeemably factional? It may be the fact that Madison’s pet was not a dog but a parrot named Polly but, in truth, the macaw was really Dolley’s pet.

I have tried everything. I gave Luna treats next to James. I have tried to sit with them both. Nothing works.

To paraphrase Madison from the Constitutional Convention, “the man who is possessed of wealth, who lolls on his sofa or rolls in his carriage, cannot judge the wants or feelings of the [canine].”

40 thoughts on “Constitutional Crisis: My Dog Hates James Madison”

  1. My dog and yours would get along great. He too goes berserk over inanimate objects. I need only park in a slightly different spot outside and he is driven into apoplexy. I need only neglect to shave for a few days and once I do I may as well be a stranger to him.

  2. Here is the perfect solution – – hang a small piece of horizontal cardboard from the bottom of one of Madison’s hands, and place Dog Treats on the cardboard shelf. Your dog will soon LOVE Mr. Madison!

  3. Seems You’re at a cross-roads Son. Who’s Mans Best friend?
    The Jurist may find one of the Three-Prong solution affable:

    1. Get rid of the Dog
    2. Get rid of Madison
    3. Get rid of the Wife …

    As an overwhelming & over ruling factor in this Case,
    Seems to Me that your not going to get your ‘Once-a-Week’
    – If you don’t get rid of Madison.-

    1. I concur with you Doc,

      Upon Summary Judgment, We find The Dog is right.
      Too many Roosters in the Hen House.

      Madison or Jonathan gots to go!

      And they all lived happily ever after

  4. “Luna keeps barking at the father of our Constitution . . .”

    Give the turncoat to Tribe. They’ll get along famously.

  5. The only words coming from your mouth at this point should be “I’m going to miss that dog.”

  6. Good to see the professor share a bit of his personal life with us.
    Shows the man has something of a sense of humor.
    A sense of humor, something that has been noted to be lacking in today’s society.

  7. Luna knows the country is in trouble and Luna is asking for Madison to act, leave the living room, and go to Washington. He wants Madison sitting in the oval office to restore the Constitution and the rule of law.

  8. I have a couple of thoughts. A life- size Madison…. Luna either sees him as a human and/or is challenged by Madison’s fixed stare. In dog language, a fixed stare is a challenge. Try covering the eyes and/or put a chair in front of Madison.

  9. Can you imagine the dog’s reaction if you put a life size of Hillary, Camlo, Schiff or Joey B? Before you did you would have to empty her water bowl for a week and lay plastic down.

  10. Too funny! He does sort of look like he’s saying “bad dog” – maybe that’s the problem?

  11. And by judging the comments already, your article has done what you wanted it to do, distract.

  12. Really Turley, this is how far you will go to ignore the crisis that you have been very selectively been complicit in? Protecting Trump and Barr at every turn by telling us “nothing to see here”…..Move on to your dog? A constitutional crisis that a disgraced twice impeached President is forcing us into, is not a joke.

    1. The rest of us have real lives with real day to day frustrations and joys outside of the utterly stupid world of meaningless politics. We have had to live our lives over the last two years of hell. Not sure what you are going to do after the midterm bloodbath coming.

    2. You took the words right out of my mouth, Fish Wings. If Turley were to comment on yesterday’s blockbuster testimony that proved the depths to which Trump would sink to try to get his way, that might encourage the disciples to actually watch the hearings instead of relying on Tucker, Hannity, Ingraham and Levin to say they are a “kangaroo court” because a Trump ally wasn’t there to deflect and attack the witnesses. .

      1. One person died Jan.06th. A trump supporter who was un-armed shot by a Capitol policeman. She had served in the military and whose mother blames Pelosi for her death. There was some vandalism – minimal compared to months of Black Lives Matter rioting where 50 people died with billions in damages, fires set to businesses, police stations, churches etc. Now we see CNN who are desperate, with ratings in the toilet, having people like that on screen masturbator sitting in judgement. Listen to Trump’s speech – I did. He says clearly “go and protest peacefully.” It isn’t a kangaroo court because that would be an insult to a great creature. Trump’s poll numbers have increased even more over Biden since that pathetic excuse for fascism disgraced TV screens.

  13. Luna’s instinct is to protect her pack (your family) and her territory from the stranger. So somehow you need to make her feel comfortable around Maddy.
    Feeding Luna treats near Maddy was a good Plan A. Since that didn’t work my Plan B would be to develop a plan around the fact that dogs have a super strong sense of smell.

    I’d probably take a t-shirt or sock that’s been worn all day by whomever Luna is most fond (probably the person who feeds her most often) and rub it all over Maddy and then place it on Maddy for a day or two. The familiar scent may make her feel more comfortable.

  14. It’s NOT Jimmy! It’s that damn cat of Jefferson’s that the dog smells or maybe Jefferson’s bird that made sounds like a cat. Either way, just spray a little Fabreeze

  15. Maybe your canine simply does not feel that Mr. Madison fits the decor of the room. I suspect he is right. My sister in law had a life size figure of George Strait in her house. He also did not fit the decor even though he was worshipped by my sister in law. If you have cats, they would take no heed of the figure of James, thinking to themselves “just another human to domesticate”.
    I enjoyed the post. We most takes heed of our misnamed “pets” who , indeed, rule and enrich our lives.

  16. A Bias-Test can be applied. Switch the Painting with one of Martha Washington or Betsy Ross or Martha Stewart.

    If the Canine Constituent continues to rebel. Then He’s definitely a Democrat. If He drops to the floor and rolls on His back waiting for a tummy rub. Then He’s definitely a Republican.

    Either way, If there was a the Paining of Martha Stewart there, I would be rolling on your floor ‘waiting’ for a tummy rub,
    “much to your Wife’s chagrin”!

    1. Meant: It hard to not fully enjoy this post! I love it. My parakeet loves to talk over my favorite bands like America, Chicago, Beach Boys. Prof Turley I empathize. Plus my wife loves the parakeet.

  17. Looks like Mr. Madison is taller than expected. Perhaps the dog is having an issue with that.

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