Charles S. Morrison, 31, of Greensburg, Pennsylvania proved that a person with a temper and a garden gnome can be a dangerous combination. Morrison was convicted of five criminal charges, including aggravated assault for throwing a 2-pound concrete garden gnome through a glass door at his stepdaughter.
The glass from the door struck Kelsey Anderson above her right eye. ,
In case you spot the culprit, the gnome is described as “about a foot tall, wore a hat, a blue shirt over a bulging stomach and a wide grin.” If spotted, you should avoid contact and call the police.
At the trial, Anderson testified that Morrison was drunk on the morning of Feb. 4th and threatened to hit her while calling her offensive names. She pushed in out the door and he responded by throwing the gnome.
He insisted that he was not aiming for Anderson, but the jury took only 90 minutes to convict him. It certainly did not help that before the gnome toss, Morrison smashed a telephone and cut the phone lines into the house.
He is facing up to 10 years in jail and a lifetime of being hounded by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes (PETG).
The verdict will not result in any significant change in lifestyle for Morrison. He is already serving 15 months to five years in prison after he pleaded guilty to a sixth drunken driving offense since 1997.
For the full story, click here.
I’m glad Morrison is headed to jail. As to Gnomes–I believe they are the evil love child of mimes and trolls. Sacre under a bridge!
Jill,
I never did like those sneaky garden Gnomes. However, this Morrison nut needs a long cooling off period behind bars.
I am very concerned that Professor Turley is advocating a grass roots movement against the entire gnome population. Why no stories of Smurf excesses? Those little blue creatures stake no claim to perfection either. I also note with interest that not one fairy or elf has ever incurred his wrath, and he cites Harry Potter characters with stunning regularity and approval. He positively gushes over Yoda and that gang of diminutive ruffians from a galaxy far, far away. To make amends I suggest that he venture off his high horse of gnomish fanaticism, and come down to earth with the rest of us and enjoy the simple pleasures of Leprechauns!
Gnominally mespo, I agree!
Mespo, you and I may have to take him aside, sit him down and have a long and honest conversation about the the whole embarrassing black (white-face) jockey coachman scandals, the ongoing tackiness introduced by the first pink flamingo yard placement and, of course, the never ending questionable, scandalous, Gazing Balls.
I think it’s time…
Patty C:
I echo your sentiments and will resolve to have that conversation in a quiet moment with our host.
There’s no place like gnome
I’ll be gnome for Christmas
There’s no place like gnome for the holidays….
etc.
Come on man… leave the guy a-gnome.
Mespo,
Leave Papa Smurf out of this!
Are we sure it wasn’t just the little guy from the Travelocity commericals?
Maybe the Travelocity guy is a relative of this garden Gnome!
The guy should have gnome better than to behave this way. Also, AP reports the Travelocity Gnome could not be reached for comment …
That’s cause he’s in Alaska.
I strongly contest the suggestion of people like Mespo that I am anti-Gnome. Some of my best friends are gnomes.
I will note that Jill has made anti-troll comments without a single note of objection. If there is a major civil rights battle brewing over mythical creatures, think of the trolls. No one wants a troll on the front yard. No one ever says “you’re as smart as a troll” or “you’re as tough as a troll.” Yet, trolls have lived for thousands of years under bridges in balance with nature. Indeed, if they have one flaw (besides eating people who cross bridges) it is that they are too trusting (unlike gnomes who are notoriously suspicious). Consider those juvenile delinquents: the three Billy Goat Gruff. Their victory and the death of a defenseless troll is celebrated in nighttime stories.
So, while Gnomes on Travelocity and other sites are raking in the green, trolls remain at marginalized insular minority. This historical abuse would not occur if we had a National Association for the Advancement of Troll People or the People for the Ethical Treatment of Trolls (PETT) or a Trollpeace organization. If you believe in justice, forget those self-engrossed gnomes and go to a bridge and embrace a troll.
Methinks the good Professor doth protest too much! And as for glossing over the pogrom against the Billy Goat Gruff family, I say “shame.” In protest, I shall never cross another bridge unless enveloped in a motor vehicle for protection and I shall race through any so-called tolls which I know directly support the work of these nefarious creatures, hell-bent on the distortion of the sterling record of achievement of the gnomes. Gviva Gla Gnomes!
What about blog-trolls?
If you prick us, do we not bleed?
Hey Cro-Mag, you had your fifteen minutes with the Caveman commercials.
Now the professor has got me thinking about trolls … and frankly I do feel a bit ashamed. Except, you know, gnomes are just “cuter”. Nobody would have made so much of a fuss over baby seals or dolphins if they looked more like hyenas or halibut.
I’m just saying …
Here, Here Mojo. Trust me, there will come a time when a song by a Troll will be lip synced by a gnome in a future Olympics. It is all about the cute factor and that little quirk of eating people crossing bridges.
JT
JT -
Ha-ha, hilarious! And a fair point. I don’t mind the eating people so much, but their appearance–maybe the trolls could try some botox or something. Those fuller lips might make a big difference …
Speaking of the Olympic lip-syncing, The Daily Show said about it, “And you thought your childhood was tough. Imagine the entire government getting together and deciding you weren’t cute enough!”
I was speaking ill of mimes!
[McClane and Zeus are speeding through Central Park]
Zeus: Are you aiming for these people?
John McClane: No. [Pauses] Well, maybe that mime.
(I think that’s from Die Hard with a Vengence.)
Jill -
I think mimes may just be people who are so bad at their craft that they feel the need to cover their faces with make-up so nobody will recognize them …
Can you imagine your surgeon showing up with a face covered in white make-up, or your attorney in court?
Alright, I just got in my mime dig.
Well they did use to wear those ridiculous white wigs in England! But perhaps the Joker taps into an archetypal fear of mime/clowns with his white makeup?
JT:
“Some of my best friends are gnomes.”
***********************
After your comments there is severe doubt about this statement. Let me quote one of your beloved trolls and we’ll have the blogosphere decide who is the most worthy of the wee people:
“The smallest Billy Goat Gruff was first to reach the bridge. Trippity-trop, trippity-trop
went his little hooves as he trotted
over the wooden planks.
Ting-tang, ting-tang went the little bell round his neck.
” Who’s that trotting over my bridge ? ”
Growled the troll from under the bridge.
“Billy Goat Gruff,” squeaked the smallest goat
in his little voice.
“I’m only going up to the mountain
to eat the sweet spring grass.”
“Oh no, you’re not!” said the troll.
“I’m going to eat you for breakfast!”
Never heard a gnome say that. Facts (and statements on the record) are pesky things!
From the site: becomeagnome.com under FAQ
Q: Now that I am a gnome what do I eat?
A: Most gnomes eat a diet of mushrooms, grass, various eggs and the occasional small child.
http://becomeagnome.com/faq/
It would appear gnomes are less benign that previously thought.
Mojo, I hate those commericals.
So easy “even a caveman can do it”.
What a joke.
I mean, do you think it’s easy starting a dinner fire with a piece of shale?
JT, just remember.
A Gnome, by any other name…
JT
“Some of my best friends are gnomes.”
Perhaps, but would you let one marry your daughter?
Jill:
“A: Most gnomes eat a diet of mushrooms, grass, various eggs and the occasional small child.”
*******************
Troll propaganda and projection! See Billy Goat Gruff above.
I want JT to know that I am personally funding and establishing the Human Gnome Project. No not the one by Francis Collins and his glamorous yet socially and scientifically bankrupt GEnome Project, but one dedicated to better human-gnome cooperation and the unyielding, relentless exposure of trolls and their deleterious effects on the ecosystem. Goat eating indeed. I am also setting up a defense fund to protect against unwarranted attacks, and I defy ICE to deport any of my heroic wards. They’ll never catch them.
You know JT, I think it’s the general Gnomenclature of the subject that keeps this thread moving.
Mespo,
Isn’t Ted Stevens from Gnome? I rest my case! You must desist in trolling for affirmations of gnomes.
Mespo, launch a garden AMEX ‘Gnomes – Priceless!’
ad campaign and then seriously plan when to release the first ‘iGnome’…
I think that George W. Bush is a closet gnome and his VP Dick Cheney is the meanest troll on the block.