Gnome de Guerre: Pennsylvania Man Convicted of Aggravated Assault with Garden Gnome

Charles S. Morrison, 31, of Greensburg, Pennsylvania proved that a person with a temper and a garden gnome can be a dangerous combination. Morrison was convicted of five criminal charges, including aggravated assault for throwing a 2-pound concrete garden gnome through a glass door at his stepdaughter.

The glass from the door struck Kelsey Anderson above her right eye. ,

In case you spot the culprit, the gnome is described as “about a foot tall, wore a hat, a blue shirt over a bulging stomach and a wide grin.” If spotted, you should avoid contact and call the police.

At the trial, Anderson testified that Morrison was drunk on the morning of Feb. 4th and threatened to hit her while calling her offensive names. She pushed in out the door and he responded by throwing the gnome.

He insisted that he was not aiming for Anderson, but the jury took only 90 minutes to convict him. It certainly did not help that before the gnome toss, Morrison smashed a telephone and cut the phone lines into the house.

He is facing up to 10 years in jail and a lifetime of being hounded by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes (PETG).

The verdict will not result in any significant change in lifestyle for Morrison. He is already serving 15 months to five years in prison after he pleaded guilty to a sixth drunken driving offense since 1997.

For the full story, click here.

33 thoughts on “Gnome de Guerre: Pennsylvania Man Convicted of Aggravated Assault with Garden Gnome”

  1. Mespo, launch a garden AMEX ‘Gnomes – Priceless!’
    ad campaign and then seriously plan when to release the first ‘iGnome’…

  2. Mespo,

    Isn’t Ted Stevens from Gnome? I rest my case! You must desist in trolling for affirmations of gnomes.

  3. You know JT, I think it’s the general Gnomenclature of the subject that keeps this thread moving.

  4. I want JT to know that I am personally funding and establishing the Human Gnome Project. No not the one by Francis Collins and his glamorous yet socially and scientifically bankrupt GEnome Project, but one dedicated to better human-gnome cooperation and the unyielding, relentless exposure of trolls and their deleterious effects on the ecosystem. Goat eating indeed. I am also setting up a defense fund to protect against unwarranted attacks, and I defy ICE to deport any of my heroic wards. They’ll never catch them.

  5. Jill:

    “A: Most gnomes eat a diet of mushrooms, grass, various eggs and the occasional small child.”


    Troll propaganda and projection! See Billy Goat Gruff above.

  6. JT
    “Some of my best friends are gnomes.”

    Perhaps, but would you let one marry your daughter?

  7. Mojo, I hate those commericals.

    So easy “even a caveman can do it”.

    What a joke.

    I mean, do you think it’s easy starting a dinner fire with a piece of shale?

  8. From the site: under FAQ

    Q: Now that I am a gnome what do I eat?
    A: Most gnomes eat a diet of mushrooms, grass, various eggs and the occasional small child.

    It would appear gnomes are less benign that previously thought.

  9. JT:

    “Some of my best friends are gnomes.”


    After your comments there is severe doubt about this statement. Let me quote one of your beloved trolls and we’ll have the blogosphere decide who is the most worthy of the wee people:

    “The smallest Billy Goat Gruff was first to reach the bridge. Trippity-trop, trippity-trop
    went his little hooves as he trotted
    over the wooden planks.
    Ting-tang, ting-tang went the little bell round his neck.
    ” Who’s that trotting over my bridge ? ”
    Growled the troll from under the bridge.
    “Billy Goat Gruff,” squeaked the smallest goat
    in his little voice.
    “I’m only going up to the mountain
    to eat the sweet spring grass.”
    “Oh no, you’re not!” said the troll.
    “I’m going to eat you for breakfast!”

    Never heard a gnome say that. Facts (and statements on the record) are pesky things!

  10. Well they did use to wear those ridiculous white wigs in England! But perhaps the Joker taps into an archetypal fear of mime/clowns with his white makeup?

  11. Jill –

    I think mimes may just be people who are so bad at their craft that they feel the need to cover their faces with make-up so nobody will recognize them …

    Can you imagine your surgeon showing up with a face covered in white make-up, or your attorney in court?

    Alright, I just got in my mime dig.

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