With many of us preparing for Halloween on Saturday, we have a disturbing warning from Kimberly Daniels on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s Web site: demons (real demons) have contaminated Halloween candy to invade the souls of our children (and presumably late-night candy stealing parents).
It turns out that the demonic vehicle is the candy — the clever little minions of Satan
The demon bulletin told readers:
During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.
She continues to warn:
Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference. . . .
[M]ost of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches. I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.
It can also result in weight gain. The inclusion of the witches praying over the candy at the Hershey plant is a closely held industry secret. It was only revealed briefly during labor talks over their contract and their insistence that the sandwich truck include eyes of newt and that they take off for Satanic holidays. (You know the best thing about witch employees: they always wear hats around the food preparation areas).
Robertson himself has long denounced Halloween as a “Satanic ritual” and insisted that “we ought to close Halloween down.”
Daniels carries the same torch against the holiday, insisting
Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats. It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms. The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.
Ok, we might have to skip the Daniels house this year.
Now here is a scary alternative to candy:
CBN has removed the blog but here is the original text.
I sometimes wonder if people like Daniels really believe what they’re saying–or just talk crazy like this to get attention.
But really–the witches are beginning to take over the Internet. They now have their own online encyclopedia. It called Wiccapedia.
Here’s a “witchy” poem I wrote years ago. Have a Happy Halloween, Professor Turley!!!
THERE WAS A WITCH
There was a witch who liked to race
Her supersonic broom through space.
At six o’clock last Friday night
She blasted off at speed of light.
She whizzed past Mercury and Mars…
Then headed off toward distant stars.
Across the galaxy she sped,
A black peaked helmet on her head.
An interstellar traveler, she
Explored the Milky Way with glee.
She chased swift comets here and there.
She watched bright supernovae flare.
She zipped through clouds of cosmic dust…
A witch bewitched by wanderlust.
There was a witch, I’m sad to say,
Flew near a big black hole one day.
It sucked her in just like a bean.
You won’t see HER on Halloween!
Does this mean that dentists are also the devils disciples? they both apparently thrive on candy.
Think about it, they both start with de as the first two letters.
Yep, dem mean o debils jes caint git nuf o dem sugah crisps … gotta luv it.
Well in my day we just worried about crabby old people giving out cheap home made candi-apples instead of genuine, delicious store bought satan candy. My I suggest children carry easter eggs? As an enduring symbol of Jesus’ resurrection I’m certain demons won’t be able to get into any child carrying one of those!
P.S. Jim, Do you write for Homeland Security because you’ve upped my fear level to pumpkin!
Elaine, Nice job!
This woman is crazy. She has given herself over to her delusions so completely she would deny kids candy. Candy. Cursed candy? Convince me that the she’s not psychotic.
She would have loved my house on Halloween; I handed out candy and books. I’d pick up used books in good shape during the year, mostly Sci-Fi and classic horror, and put them in a big box. Some kids actually walked to the book box (next to the candy cauldron) and turned back to leave without taking candy but with a book and when I asked them if the wanted candy they would act surprised, “I can get both?” they’d ask.
I knew there were kids that Satan had his filthy claws into some of those kids though; they’d be going through the books and ask if they could have MORE THAN ONE? Damned at such an early age.
It would make me hopeful for the future.
I still have a couple of shopping bags of Halloween books in the basement but I just didn’t feel like doing anything last Halloween. I got my black-light up (kids love black-lights and so do I) but just didn’t feel up to it on Halloween night. Never took the black-light down though so maybe this year.
Added but possibility unintended consequence: I’d get fluorescent paint or just use any white paint I had and paint a big pentangle on the porch by the door. I didn’t bother to scrub it off since it was concrete and to get it all off I’d have to use a scrub-brush and do an on-your-knees type of cleaning. Well, there would be a faint but steadily fading image for about 5 months. The religious proselytizers stopped coming around after I started doing the pentangle. (It would glow so brightly under UV light, LOL.) Coincidence or ?
Well Elaine, you sent me to Google with Wiccapedia, I wasn’t sure if your sense of humor was at work or it was a bit of straight reporting. LOL
Good poem BTW. Do you read or write a lot of children’s stories? I can see that poem illustrated and for sale.
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Jill, you mean hard-boiled eggs, right
lottakatz–
I read and own thousands of children’s and adult poetry books. I write and have published children’s poetry. I also post some of my original poems at my children’s literature blog, Wild Rose Reader, and political poems at my blog Political Verses.
I found having a well-developed sense of humor helped me immensely during my decades of teaching elmentary school.
Elaine M:
have you ever heard of Kali Dakos? She is a childrens poetrix.
The Pricipal Kissed a Pig and other clasics.
Byron–
I have indeed heard of Kali Dakos. I own some of her books–including “The Bug in the Teacher’s Coffee,” “Mrs. Cole on an Onion Roll,” and “If You’re Not Here, Please Raise Your hand
The truth is out. We Satan (opposite) worshipers have been found out. We have been trying to turn you out into our way of life and doing things our ways. As Jesus said and as the good Rabbi have said bring us your young we will teach then well. We will raise them to our way of life.
It is in the master plan.
As somebody who’s witnessed a “laying of hands” on a mini-van to heal it and drive out the evil spirit that was keeping it from running (and no, I’m not exaggerating), this doesn’t seem all that weird. A similar warning comes out every year from one Fundamentalist figure or another. It’s the Christian equivalent to “razor blades in the candy.”
This woman is bat-shit crazy (but there’s a lot of that going around)! Halloween is my favorite holiday. It’s where people cut loose and act crazy. Halloween doesn’t have that horrible obligatory christmas type gift giving, it’s real giving. Candy, and yes, even those homemade apples and popcorn balls are given with an open heart to complete strangers. (I draw the line at books lottakatz!) No wonder the fundamentalists hate it–it’s kind, creative, imaginative, silly and open hearted, everything they aren’t.
Given half a chance the Fundamentalists will return us to the Thirteenth Century. Kind of worrisome about the course of human progress. Demons indeed.
For those of us who are more scientifically minded: it’s called a sugar rush.
Elaine M., I checked out your site, it’s cool. Thanks for tthe head’s-up.
Jill: “(I draw the line at books lottakatz!)” wow, an exclamation, Why? They’re classic horror and Sci-Fi and voluntarily taken, I think of books as treats. I wasn’t a book nazi about it- ‘you can’t have your candy if you don’t take a book.’ I’m interested in your statement.
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OT but about a scary topic:
Court rules against officers in tazer death “Fatal Tasering Wasn’t Justified, Court Rules”
http://www.courthousenews.com/2009/10/29/Fatal_Tasering_Wasn_t_Justified_Court_Rules.htm
I think we really really have to worry about apple cider.
That to is made around Halloween time and Oh my God, what about apples?
Didn’t Eve get in trouble with an apple?
I am surprised she has not forbid the eating of apples, apple sauce and apple juice in her house.
Look what happened to Eve….
Honestly, this is nuts and these people are crazy. I’m just watching a documentary on Salem and the witch craft trials.
There is not much difference between those intolerant people and our own religious taliban. Where is she getting the info of the candy. I’d like to see her prove that!!!!
October fool.
lottakatz,
I’m only kidding. I think your idea was wonderful and I was touched by your account of the kids taking the books. I was just complaining about books because they might give kids ideas and I know you don’t want that anymore than I do!
Check out Kim’s “War Room”
http://kimberlydaniels.com/WarRoom.php
The interesting thing about this insanity is how it mirrors the insanity of the elites in our society. Accordingly, we are a Christian nation going to war to establish a Christian world (see Blackwater) and the ideology of The Family.
There is another wing of bat shit crazies in our elites who follow a man named Leo Strauss. These are the wonderful people who gave us the Iraq war. It is their belief, “…that society is founded on and held together by myths…By nature the masses are credulous; their credulity is necessary to the existence and preservation of society…” which allows the best, the few to rule.
So while we may believe that it is mostly the poor and ignorant middle class who believes crazy things, this is only because the elites take steps to hide their own vision of society.
That quote was from “Democracy Inc. by Sheldon S. Wolin. I recommend watching Jeff Sharlet on Rachel Maddow for info on the Family, and Jeremy Scahill for info on Blackwater’s chrisitan soldiers.
Jill, that’s why I asked, I thought you were joking since you have never struck me as one that would not love books. You might though be someone that wouldn’t want your children ‘programmed’ by free books handed out by the krazy kat lady down the street. I would understand that entirely.
No parents ever showed up at my house to complain, thank goodness. Once a man walking with his kid started looking through the book box with him (a little guy about
and the dad asked if he could have one of the books. He said that he had read Sci-Fi when he was much younger and didn’t think he had ever read that particular Heinlein book (or Del Ray or Pohl or another author that had written like, 47 books) so I told him to help himself too.
Correction: “(a little guy about eight)” If you use the numeral and a close parenthesis mark it is code for a sunglasses’ wearing face, I did not know that.
Gyges:
“As somebody who’s witnessed a “laying of hands” on a mini-van to heal it and drive out the evil spirit that was keeping it from running (and no, I’m not exaggerating), this doesn’t seem all that weird.”
Do you think they could help me with my sons’ 1997 Jeep Cherokee?
(8)
lottakatz:
thanks for the info 9)
Byron,
Only if it’s God’s will (and you later take it to a mechanic).
God work’s in mysterious ways, that usually involve you doing something on your own.
Got a little apostrophe happy there, sorry change that too:
“God works in…”
Agreed, the Family is dangerous. That they have a Congressional frat house full of our elected is not a good thing. ‘If one of the chosen does it, it can’t be wrong’ (and of course we are the chosen because we’re here after all) as a guiding principle.
Gyges:
““God works in…””
your ellipses is incorrect it should be:
God works in . . .
That is about the only grammatical construct I know and to be able to use it, is well . . .
Hey! Someone should start a huge class action lawsuit against Cadbury, Hersheys, Lindt, Godiva, Fanny Mae, etc etc for allowing witches into their factories to dedicate and pray over the candy. Who the hell do they think they are anyway? Kimberly Daniels could be an expert witness.
The damages must be huge. I know I almost pass out from satanic possession every time I eat chocolate (suger rush, my arse, it’s Lucifer!).
What would the cause of action be? Conspiracy to subvert jesus? Satan-fixing? Beelzebub battery? Cloven hoof conversion? Or is it just a straight-forward conspiracy to torture, plus intentional infliction of emotional distress?
Someone needs to get on this right away.
My husband passed a church whose sign said: “Evil Awareness Party Oct. 31″ Are YOU aware today???
P.S. Did you ever notice that question marks turned upside down look like 6???
Happy Halloween to Everyone. Tomorrow we’ll all be demons.
Jill,
Tomorrow All Saints Day is celebrated and then All Souls Day. It was a way to honor and recognize the very best that humanity had to offer. Then it became a religious sales event of who could give the most money to and that way you were to get canonized sooner. This event usually took about a day to complete.
Today, it will take a minimum of 75 years from start to finish. This is unless the pope changes that to for another celebrated fund raising event.