Ukrainian “Expert Commission” Calls For Ban On SpongeBob For “Promotion of Homosexuality”

The ever-watchful folks at the Ukrainian Ukraine’s National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality are reportedly moving against another invasion “aimed at the destruction of the family, and the promotion of drugs and other vices.” His name is SpongeBob Squarepants. The popular Nickleodeon characterhas been found to “present a real threat to children” and is on a list of shows to be banned with The Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama, Pokemon and The Telletubbies.

Before you go off and assume that this is just another example of government wackos trying to compel morality through senseless censorship, you need to remember that these are experts and that they have found SpongeBob’s hidden agenda of “promotion of homosexuality.” Ukraine will have SpongBob Straight Pants thank you very much.

The report published on the Catholic website “Family Under the Protection of the Holy Virgin” calls the show “a large-scale experiment on Ukrainian children” to “create criminals and perverts.” This is only slightly worse than the Teletubbies which send children into a trance and create “an imbecile who will sit near the screen with an open mouth and swallow any information.” As a teacher for almost 30 years I can attest to seeing the same phenomenon without the use of SpongeBob.

Of course, before one lambasts Ukraine, we should remember that our own religious leaders outed at least one Teletuddy years ago. Likewise, Thomas the Tank Engine was found in Canada to be a capitalist stooge.

My kids watch these programs and I can only imagine what I have done to them. Of course, when I turned on the news yesterday, the material was even more intellectually harmful. As SpongeBob would way, “Oh, Tartar Sauce.”

That is striking is that the report did not include this incriminating piece of evidence:

Source: WSJ

34 thoughts on “Ukrainian “Expert Commission” Calls For Ban On SpongeBob For “Promotion of Homosexuality”

  1. The Ukraine government does not have enough serious problems on its list that it has to worry about cartoon characters.! Who would have guessed that the RCC was involved!

  2. I’m against Spongebob. Not because he promotes homosexuality though. Because he promotes the wearing of pants among sponges. That just ain’t right.

  3. Gene – They should be happy he wears pants! Think of those degenerates like Donald Duck who run around on TV uncovered!!!

    Stupidity is so depressing. It seems to know no bounds of nationality, religion, income, gender – I don’t want to live on this planet any longer!

  4. Okay, this really pisses me off.

    I have watched literally hundreds of hours of SpongeBob with my youngest grandchild and have become a big fan.

    Perhaps the human, Patchy the Pirate, is just a tad off center but as SpongeBob Squarepants Tom Kenny is one of the best voice-actors around.

    Considering that the Ukraine was the center of the Soviet arms industry and that their Orange Revolution lacked naming imagination, I’ve decided to dismiss any opinion rendered by their National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality as totally irrelevant.

    Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

    Sponge Bob Square Pants!

    Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.

    Sponge Bob Square Pants!

    If nautical nonsense be somethin’ ya wish.

    Sponge Bob Square Pants!

    Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish.

  5. I never “got” Sponge Bob Square Pants, but my young niece and nephews thought he was great. I saw no negative behavior or thoughts from them as a result, so long live SBSP.

  6. More of the Great Cartoon Threat of the West.

    On balance here, in my case, is the very cartoon that turned me from a happy-go-lucky innocent little boy to a LSD dropping, burlesque show craving, free love partying, communist

  7. bettykath,

    According to the creator, Steve Hillenburg, “SpongeBob is born out of my love of Laurel and Hardy shorts. You’ve got that kind of idiot-buddy situation … SpongeBob is a complete innocent — not an idiot. SpongeBob never fully realizes how stupid Patrick is. They’re whipping themselves up into situations — that’s always where the humor comes from. The rule is: Follow the innocence and avoid topical humor.”

    There’s no preaching, no “Sesame Street” learning … just innocent humor meant to entertain.

    Hillenburg was a marine biologist before he took up animation which is why the show is set “under the sea”. Go with what ya know.

  8. I’m soo glad I don’t need a law degree to see through the cartoon scams, it’s
    much clearer to see and understand without it. Sometimes you get too smart to understand what’s really going on.

  9. I’m not at all sure that the Ukrainians are wrong about this. Seems they might be RIGHT, but for the WRONG reason, and that reason would be lousy entertainment value. Roadrunner and Coyote, yes, SpongeBob (along with Barney), NO!!!! ‘Won’t SOMEONE think of the children’?

  10. Lona, Banning vodka in the Ukraine would create a revolt that would make the Bolshevik revolution look like the Falklands conflict. Indeed, vodka has ravaged Russia. They have a third world life expentancy, particularly for men. But, prohibition is not the answer.

  11. As the head commissioner guy issued the report, Bugs Bunny sauntered up in a dress, planted a big ol’ kiss on his vodka hole, and asked what was up.

  12. Sponge Bob Square Pants was taken into custody:

    John W. Whitehead, president of The Rutherford Institute, said the following: “For government officials to not only arrest [Sponge Bob Square Pants] for doing nothing more than exercising his First Amendment rights but to actually force him to undergo psychological evaluations and detain him against his will goes against every constitutional principle this country was founded upon. This should be a wake-up call to Americans that the police state is here.”

    (“>Square Pants Taken Down). “I do not agree with the official 9/11 version” but that is no reason to squeeze me like this”, Sponge Bob said.

  13. Gyges,

    And Patrick has no hands!!! And he’s pink!!!

    And then there’s Sandy, the tritagonist… Sandy is one of the most intelligent and level-headed characters on the show and of course she’s female. ;)

  14. Blouise: “Gyges, And Patrick has no hands!!! And he’s pink!!!”

    Obviously Patrick is gay, and communist. And FABULOUS!

  15. Russia would fall apart without vodka. It may take a few years away from their lives but it makes life in Russia somewhat bearable.
    The Mohammedans forbid booze totally and look what it’s done for them!!

  16. Al,

    Had to look it up.

    “Most sponges are hermaphrodites as fertilization is internal in most species.”

    However, and this might interest Congressman Todd Akin, “some released sperm randomly float to another sponge with the water current.” I don’t know if that is “legitimate” rape or not.

  17. Darren, I had my epiphany when I saw this for the first time. That, and some time at Esalen with Fritz Perls helped. Alan Watts was there at the same time, among others. Funny in what tiny corners of the existential universe can you find great truths.

  18. Otteray Scribe: “Darren, I had my epiphany when I saw this for the first time. That, and some time at Esalen with Fritz Perls helped. Alan Watts was there at the same time, among others.”
    :-) Well, I hope that mushrooms or ergot derivatively were also involved. Or at least grapefruit.

  19. Otteray

    What a remarkable experience you must have had at Esalen and with those you mentioned. Not often is it a person can reflect on such experiences truly from their own point of view.

    I suppose this is one of the regrets of time, that is not being able to fully experience again what we had in the past since it is subject to fading memory. Coupled it is with the inability to fully recreate it physically.

    Looking as you have with your memories of the White Rabbit video and other cues of the past affords us some rememberance of those times but one of the struggles for me at least is I tend to view these with a measure of sadness in that there comes the realization that those times are lost and cannot be fully lived again. Though they can of course benefit us today.

    At the very least we can not take today for granted on not dwell on what cannot be.

  20. Hotsie, Totsie, I smell a Nazi. — Three Stooges. The Ukranians are gonna have to ban the Three Stooges. Especially Curley. Then they are gonna have to ban Clarabell. Perhaps when the Ukranians show up at Ellis Island and seek citizenship we should have them take a quiz on American humor. Or when the plane flies over on the way to Moscow the tenents in the head at that time can all flush at once.

  21. Clearly, the solution to make it appropriate for the Ukrainians would be to insert explicit heterosexual sex scenes into each episode, to ensure the children receive the correct education. ;)

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