Ukrainian “Expert Commission” Calls For Ban On SpongeBob For “Promotion of Homosexuality”

The ever-watchful folks at the Ukrainian Ukraine’s National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality are reportedly moving against another invasion “aimed at the destruction of the family, and the promotion of drugs and other vices.” His name is SpongeBob Squarepants. The popular Nickleodeon characterhas been found to “present a real threat to children” and is on a list of shows to be banned with The Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama, Pokemon and The Telletubbies.

Before you go off and assume that this is just another example of government wackos trying to compel morality through senseless censorship, you need to remember that these are experts and that they have found SpongeBob’s hidden agenda of “promotion of homosexuality.” Ukraine will have SpongBob Straight Pants thank you very much.

The report published on the Catholic website “Family Under the Protection of the Holy Virgin” calls the show “a large-scale experiment on Ukrainian children” to “create criminals and perverts.” This is only slightly worse than the Teletubbies which send children into a trance and create “an imbecile who will sit near the screen with an open mouth and swallow any information.” As a teacher for almost 30 years I can attest to seeing the same phenomenon without the use of SpongeBob.

Of course, before one lambasts Ukraine, we should remember that our own religious leaders outed at least one Teletuddy years ago. Likewise, Thomas the Tank Engine was found in Canada to be a capitalist stooge.

My kids watch these programs and I can only imagine what I have done to them. Of course, when I turned on the news yesterday, the material was even more intellectually harmful. As SpongeBob would way, “Oh, Tartar Sauce.”

That is striking is that the report did not include this incriminating piece of evidence:

Source: WSJ

34 thoughts on “Ukrainian “Expert Commission” Calls For Ban On SpongeBob For “Promotion of Homosexuality””

  1. Gyges,

    And Patrick has no hands!!! And he’s pink!!!

    And then there’s Sandy, the tritagonist… Sandy is one of the most intelligent and level-headed characters on the show and of course she’s female. 😉

  2. Sponge Bob Square Pants was taken into custody:

    John W. Whitehead, president of The Rutherford Institute, said the following: “For government officials to not only arrest [Sponge Bob Square Pants] for doing nothing more than exercising his First Amendment rights but to actually force him to undergo psychological evaluations and detain him against his will goes against every constitutional principle this country was founded upon. This should be a wake-up call to Americans that the police state is here.”

    (“>Square Pants Taken Down). “I do not agree with the official 9/11 version” but that is no reason to squeeze me like this”, Sponge Bob said.

  3. cartoons you see as a child can seriously affect your adult life. i still use “jinkeys” as a my safe word.

  4. As the head commissioner guy issued the report, Bugs Bunny sauntered up in a dress, planted a big ol’ kiss on his vodka hole, and asked what was up.

  5. Lona, Banning vodka in the Ukraine would create a revolt that would make the Bolshevik revolution look like the Falklands conflict. Indeed, vodka has ravaged Russia. They have a third world life expentancy, particularly for men. But, prohibition is not the answer.

  6. Well, vodka abuse is a cause of sexual assault but they won’t be banning that, now will they.

  7. I’m not at all sure that the Ukrainians are wrong about this. Seems they might be RIGHT, but for the WRONG reason, and that reason would be lousy entertainment value. Roadrunner and Coyote, yes, SpongeBob (along with Barney), NO!!!! ‘Won’t SOMEONE think of the children’?

  8. I’m soo glad I don’t need a law degree to see through the cartoon scams, it’s
    much clearer to see and understand without it. Sometimes you get too smart to understand what’s really going on.

  9. bettykath,

    According to the creator, Steve Hillenburg, “SpongeBob is born out of my love of Laurel and Hardy shorts. You’ve got that kind of idiot-buddy situation … SpongeBob is a complete innocent — not an idiot. SpongeBob never fully realizes how stupid Patrick is. They’re whipping themselves up into situations — that’s always where the humor comes from. The rule is: Follow the innocence and avoid topical humor.”

    There’s no preaching, no “Sesame Street” learning … just innocent humor meant to entertain.

    Hillenburg was a marine biologist before he took up animation which is why the show is set “under the sea”. Go with what ya know.

  10. More of the Great Cartoon Threat of the West.

    On balance here, in my case, is the very cartoon that turned me from a happy-go-lucky innocent little boy to a LSD dropping, burlesque show craving, free love partying, communist

  11. I never “got” Sponge Bob Square Pants, but my young niece and nephews thought he was great. I saw no negative behavior or thoughts from them as a result, so long live SBSP.

  12. Okay, this really pisses me off.

    I have watched literally hundreds of hours of SpongeBob with my youngest grandchild and have become a big fan.

    Perhaps the human, Patchy the Pirate, is just a tad off center but as SpongeBob Squarepants Tom Kenny is one of the best voice-actors around.

    Considering that the Ukraine was the center of the Soviet arms industry and that their Orange Revolution lacked naming imagination, I’ve decided to dismiss any opinion rendered by their National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality as totally irrelevant.

    Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

    Sponge Bob Square Pants!

    Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.

    Sponge Bob Square Pants!

    If nautical nonsense be somethin’ ya wish.

    Sponge Bob Square Pants!

    Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish.

  13. Gene – They should be happy he wears pants! Think of those degenerates like Donald Duck who run around on TV uncovered!!!

    Stupidity is so depressing. It seems to know no bounds of nationality, religion, income, gender – I don’t want to live on this planet any longer!

  14. I’m against Spongebob. Not because he promotes homosexuality though. Because he promotes the wearing of pants among sponges. That just ain’t right.

  15. If they don’t like Sponge Bob what will they think of the pink starfish, Patrick?

  16. The evangelical comic books are spreading around the world.

    Comic jihad and counter jihad are in foment.

    yippee-i-o-ki-ay …

  17. The Ukraine government does not have enough serious problems on its list that it has to worry about cartoon characters.! Who would have guessed that the RCC was involved!

Comments are closed.