Synchronized sleeping is a sport that the United States should aggressively pursue. American couch potatoes can clearly sleep away the competition if we are only given a chance. The permanent dip in my living room couch is a testament to my rigorous training program and commitment to the purity of the synchronized sleeping sport. It takes years to perfect low breathing, regular snoring, and the cutting edge “double loaf with a back flip when reclining position.” I can sleep Nadia Elena Comăneci under the table and roll over Mary Lou Retton with a yawn. Stay tuned and see you in London.