In Defense of Man-Cow Relations: New Jersey Judge Drops Charges Against Police Officer for Having Sex with Cows On the Grounds That They May Have Enjoyed It

JINDICT03a250px-New_Forest_calfNew Jersey police officer Robert Melia Jr. will not face criminal charges for allegedly having sex with five calves under a perfectly bizarre ruling by Judge James J. Morley. We previously discussed the case, here. Morley dismissed animal cruelty charges on the grounds that the cows may have enjoyed having sex with Melia.


Morley ruled that oral sex with cows cannot constitute animal cruelty since the cows aren’t talking and may not have been “tormented” or “puzzled” by the experience.

In a simply amazing exchange with prosecutors, Morley went into the uncertainties of man-cow relations: “If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, ‘Where’s the milk? I’m not getting any milk,'” You are allowed to drop your coffee in amazement at this point.

Morley went on to explain that children are comforted by pacifiers and perhaps cows are equally pacified by police officers in these cases: “They [children] enjoy the act of suckling,” the judge said. “Cows may be of a different disposition.” You are allowed to throw up in disgust at this point.

Morley ignored that one cow head-butted Melia in the stomach and appeared far from happy. The prosecutor objected that the cows were “very upset” by Melia’s action and stated “I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man’s penis in the mouth of a calf is torment. It’s a crime against nature.” The problem is that New Jersey does not currently have a ban on bestiality as opposed to animal cruelty.

Morley did note “I’m not saying it’s OK. This is a legal question for me. It’s not a questions of morals. It’s not a question of hygiene. It’s not a question of how people should conduct themselves.” That is reassuring. However, since the cows can never complain about sexual abuse, Morley’s view would effectively end cruelty prosecutions absent physical injury. While “no means no,” “moo” means nothing in Morley’s court. Any defendant could use the Morley defense of “the cows enjoyed it.”

916568Melia is currently on suspension from the force in Moorestown. His girlfriend, Heather Lewis, is also accused in a case alleging sexual assault on three young girls. Child pornography was also allegedly found in his home.

Lewis is also accused of sexually assaulting a juvenile male.

Not does it defame “Jersey” cows everywhere, but Morley’s ruling gives Moorestown the unique claim to fame as the new vacation spot of choice for the bestiality set (New slogan: “You Can’t Say Moorestown Without Moo.”). I simply cannot understand the judge’s reasoning. While Melia will likely be put away on the other charges, Morley has created some disturbing precedent in this ruling that needs to be appealed by the prosecutors.

A man in Mumbai was less lucky with his judge. He claimed that he could not be charged with having sex with a dog because the dog could not swear out a complaint, here. The court rejected the claim.

For the story, click here and here.

109 thoughts on “In Defense of Man-Cow Relations: New Jersey Judge Drops Charges Against Police Officer for Having Sex with Cows On the Grounds That They May Have Enjoyed It

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  3. i completely disagree with the verdict, for obvious reasons. but I also completely agree with Dave point of view.

    most of the arguments surrounding Dave’s orginal post are just hysterical reactionary knee jerks. The laws in that area don’t prohibit such activities as the defendant was charged with therefore no charges can be brought upon him.

    Whether Dave decided to use Gay marriage as his example of “icky” or whether it was the collected works of de Sade, or slavery of any other thing the individual may find tasteless or offensive is beside the point.
    He was clearly making the statement that “I think people here are getting too caught up in their own, personal disgust of bestiality. Whatever your feelings about its morality or hygiene, bear in mind that the law is under no obligation to take your personal feelings into account.”

    the law needs to be impartial, beyond whatever the current zeightgeist is. it’s needs to be ruthless, cold and even heartless at times. But more precisely it needs to be exacting to the letter we have defined it as. We are ultimately responisble for the laws that are created.

    i’m not condoning the behaviour of this pig.
    i’m saying we make the laws,
    1) why the f**k aren’t there laws against beastiality in New Jersey ?
    2) why the f**k aren’t there laws against beastiality in New Jersey ?

  4. This “normal person” has some pretty abnormal ugly thoughts that are fine for the outhouse wall but have no place around here.

  5. This guy should paint spots on his ugly fat cow girlfriend and put his penis in her mouth for a legal way of pleasure. Its not a crime to like an ugly person. The poor cow could do much better than these child molesting psychos. I hope they get it one way or another and end up someones b*tch in jail so they can have all the nasty penis they want.

  6. You all just need to shut the fuck up, and mind your own business, thats what is wrong with the world today,, people need to stop being nosey, if people like having sex with animals let them,,, but if there is abuse or cruetly,, them take them down,, but there are some people out there that have love with animals with passion. just like a man loving a women.

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