New Jersey police officer Robert Melia Jr. will not face criminal charges for allegedly having sex with five calves under a perfectly bizarre ruling by Judge James J. Morley. We previously discussed the case, here. Morley dismissed animal cruelty charges on the grounds that the cows may have enjoyed having sex with Melia.
Morley ruled that oral sex with cows cannot constitute animal cruelty since the cows aren’t talking and may not have been “tormented” or “puzzled” by the experience.
In a simply amazing exchange with prosecutors, Morley went into the uncertainties of man-cow relations: “If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, ‘Where’s the milk? I’m not getting any milk,'” You are allowed to drop your coffee in amazement at this point.
Morley went on to explain that children are comforted by pacifiers and perhaps cows are equally pacified by police officers in these cases: “They [children] enjoy the act of suckling,” the judge said. “Cows may be of a different disposition.” You are allowed to throw up in disgust at this point.
Morley ignored that one cow head-butted Melia in the stomach and appeared far from happy. The prosecutor objected that the cows were “very upset” by Melia’s action and stated “I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man’s penis in the mouth of a calf is torment. It’s a crime against nature.” The problem is that New Jersey does not currently have a ban on bestiality as opposed to animal cruelty.
Morley did note “I’m not saying it’s OK. This is a legal question for me. It’s not a questions of morals. It’s not a question of hygiene. It’s not a question of how people should conduct themselves.” That is reassuring. However, since the cows can never complain about sexual abuse, Morley’s view would effectively end cruelty prosecutions absent physical injury. While “no means no,” “moo” means nothing in Morley’s court. Any defendant could use the Morley defense of “the cows enjoyed it.”
Melia is currently on suspension from the force in Moorestown. His girlfriend, Heather Lewis, is also accused in a case alleging sexual assault on three young girls. Child pornography was also allegedly found in his home.
Lewis is also accused of sexually assaulting a juvenile male.
Not does it defame “Jersey” cows everywhere, but Morley’s ruling gives Moorestown the unique claim to fame as the new vacation spot of choice for the bestiality set (New slogan: “You Can’t Say Moorestown Without Moo.”). I simply cannot understand the judge’s reasoning. While Melia will likely be put away on the other charges, Morley has created some disturbing precedent in this ruling that needs to be appealed by the prosecutors.
A man in Mumbai was less lucky with his judge. He claimed that he could not be charged with having sex with a dog because the dog could not swear out a complaint, here. The court rejected the claim.
Buddha, ol’ buddy,
Somehow I was acutely aware of your fashion sense, given your *eye* for colors
I couldn’t resist writing a little love poem in the voice of officer melia:
I’m in love, I’m in love
With a creature divine…
A ruminant fair.
How I wish she were mine.
She’s a sweet, lowing voice.
She’s got limpid brown eyes.
She swishes her sleek tail
At hovering flies.
She’s a beauteous bovine,
A cow of great charm.
I’ve been trying to court her
Out here on the farm.
Classic buddha!
Re: This story, I search my consciousness and the message it’s sending back to me is:
Help! I’m trapped in Bizarro world and it’s becoming weirder, and weirder, even though I’ve turned pro!
“that to have sex with another man (or woman) is as immoral as having sex with an animal.”
Dave,
Are you or are you not implying that homosexual sex is immoral, if less so than bestiality on the morality continuum?
Elaine:
Thank you, you are most generous and correct.
Welcome to the finest cyber classroom on the planet.
Why does one see others wearing a Jersey but never a Guernsey? I guess I’ll never understand fashion.
More “chins” than a Peking phone book..
Said Girlfriend’s mug shot: Cow wearing a gray “Jersey”.
Case Dismissed by reason of analogy.
Bravo Byron!
Dredd,
I am not sure if this is good news or bad, but I had *exactly* the same first thought that you wrote…great minds, I trust….
To CCD:
I think you mean “udderly” ridiculous.
Judge Morley’s ruling is utterly ridiculous.
Of course the calves were moolested by Melia.
Who may or may not have consent from their owner.
Byron,
Oh yeah, it was wrong in the funny way.
On the lighter side: I think this might be a good case to bring up in moo-t court.
Gyges,
Like bestiality, paedophilia is a question of consent. Can a minor give the informed consent necessary for sex with an adult human to be legal? I don’t believe so; I believe that the age of consent exists for a reason, and that reason is to protect those who cannot yet make an informed decision.
Animals, on the other hand, are different. If we say that an adult dog is less capable than a human child to make decisions, surely that would render ALL sex between animals (dog-dog sex, not just dog-human sex) as statutory rape.
The question of consent is a tricky one. Do YOU think that a 14-year-old human can give consent? Do you think an adult, sexually experienced dog (say) can give consent when it has sex with another dog? Can it give consent with it has sex with a human?
Dave,
The point is that it’s not a matter of “icky” it’s a matter of abuse.
Like I said, you should consider your word choice a little more carefully in the future. If you consider something a throw away statement, perhaps it’s not really worth saying.
Dave,
Can a 14 year old human give consent to a 30 year old human? Seems like they’ve got a lot higher decision making abilities then dogs.
Hmmmmmm
To Gyges:
Read what I wrote to Elaine. I was not equating them, insofar as I’m not saying that to have sex with another man (or woman) is as immoral as having sex with an animal.
You’ll notice that it was a single line at the end of my post. I find it interesting that people latch onto a single throw-away statement. If it offends your sensibilities, then replace it with, say, interracial marriage, or omnivorism.
And, for what it’s worth, I’m a gay man myself. I’ve heard the insults too, y’know.
Dave,
I just want to echo what Elaine said. That you would equate bestiality with homosexual sex is just offensive, as well as incredibly inaccurate. Now maybe you meant it as an innocent analogy, but after years of hearing about how gay marriage will lead to incest, child abuse, and bestiality it doesn’t come across that way. I suggest thinking through your choice of words a little more carefully in the future.