With many of us preparing for Halloween on Saturday, we have a disturbing warning from Kimberly Daniels on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s Web site: demons (real demons) have contaminated Halloween candy to invade the souls of our children (and presumably late-night candy stealing parents).
It turns out that the demonic vehicle is the candy — the clever little minions of Satan
The demon bulletin told readers:
During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.
She continues to warn:
Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference. . . .
[M]ost of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches. I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.
It can also result in weight gain. The inclusion of the witches praying over the candy at the Hershey plant is a closely held industry secret. It was only revealed briefly during labor talks over their contract and their insistence that the sandwich truck include eyes of newt and that they take off for Satanic holidays. (You know the best thing about witch employees: they always wear hats around the food preparation areas).
Robertson himself has long denounced Halloween as a “Satanic ritual” and insisted that “we ought to close Halloween down.”
Daniels carries the same torch against the holiday, insisting
Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats. It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms. The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.
Ok, we might have to skip the Daniels house this year.
Now here is a scary alternative to candy:
CBN has removed the blog but here is the original text.
I think that ppl are crazy. Not this one though. We had better take heed. Participating in Pagan hollidays come with thier own curse anyway. So why not use a dark day such as that s a gateway to our children.
Claire,
There may be a God, but there ain’t no Satan. That figure was just thrown into your religion by people who wanted to scare and control you. If God is love, why would the Deity allow Satan around? If God is omnipresent and omnipitent how can that be? The only way would be that Satan is God’s creation and since God controls all of creation then God controls of and approves of Satan. That one explanation not only doesn’t make sense it is blasphemous. I think you need to re-think your religious beliefs and realize that some of your religious teachers are either wrong, in it for the money and/or just want to control you through fear.
Claire,
Are you home yet? Click your heels together and say there’s no place like home 3 times.
“telling them that”
This response also applies to the above kind of nonsense. If pagan holidays are your issue, start celebrating Christmas in June or July where it should be – if that’s your bug-a-boo, accuracy and non-paganism. Halloween isn’t a threat to Jesus. It’s a threat to kid’s (and parent’s) waistlines and there is that whole battle of the trees versus toilet paper, but it’s mostly a fun holiday for kids to play dress up. Holy shit! Deploy the National Guard! Costumed kids begging candy are going to destroy civilization and all of Christendom! Forget fascism. That’s the real threat.
Unlike telling that that they should kill to defend or promote their flavor of God.
Which isn’t a threat at all.
If you like dead as a state of being.
http://jonathanturley.org/2010/01/10/lost-address-president-obama-delays-state-of-the-union-speech-to-defer-to-lost-episode/#comment-103648
Ah, organized religion! Is their anything you can’t screw up for everyone else? (Rhetorical.)
You who mock this person who is trying to warn you out of LOVE for you, do not know what you are saying. You think you are clever but you have been blinded by Satan who seeks to destroy your lives. He stands and laughs at your silliness. And you think you are so clever with your words.
Lord Jesus, God of all, have mercy and forgive them, for they know not what they say.
Jill,
Tomorrow All Saints Day is celebrated and then All Souls Day. It was a way to honor and recognize the very best that humanity had to offer. Then it became a religious sales event of who could give the most money to and that way you were to get canonized sooner. This event usually took about a day to complete.
Today, it will take a minimum of 75 years from start to finish. This is unless the pope changes that to for another celebrated fund raising event.
My husband passed a church whose sign said: “Evil Awareness Party Oct. 31” Are YOU aware today???
P.S. Did you ever notice that question marks turned upside down look like 6???
Happy Halloween to Everyone. Tomorrow we’ll all be demons.
Hey! Someone should start a huge class action lawsuit against Cadbury, Hersheys, Lindt, Godiva, Fanny Mae, etc etc for allowing witches into their factories to dedicate and pray over the candy. Who the hell do they think they are anyway? Kimberly Daniels could be an expert witness.
The damages must be huge. I know I almost pass out from satanic possession every time I eat chocolate (suger rush, my arse, it’s Lucifer!).
What would the cause of action be? Conspiracy to subvert jesus? Satan-fixing? Beelzebub battery? Cloven hoof conversion? Or is it just a straight-forward conspiracy to torture, plus intentional infliction of emotional distress?
Someone needs to get on this right away.
Gyges:
““God works in…””
your ellipses is incorrect it should be:
God works in . . .
That is about the only grammatical construct I know and to be able to use it, is well . . .
Agreed, the Family is dangerous. That they have a Congressional frat house full of our elected is not a good thing. ‘If one of the chosen does it, it can’t be wrong’ (and of course we are the chosen because we’re here after all) as a guiding principle.
Got a little apostrophe happy there, sorry change that too:
“God works in…”
Byron,
Only if it’s God’s will (and you later take it to a mechanic).
God work’s in mysterious ways, that usually involve you doing something on your own.
lottakatz:
thanks for the info 9)
8)
(8)
Gyges:
“As somebody who’s witnessed a “laying of hands” on a mini-van to heal it and drive out the evil spirit that was keeping it from running (and no, I’m not exaggerating), this doesn’t seem all that weird.”
Do you think they could help me with my sons’ 1997 Jeep Cherokee?
Correction: “(a little guy about eight)” If you use the numeral and a close parenthesis mark it is code for a sunglasses’ wearing face, I did not know that.
Jill, that’s why I asked, I thought you were joking since you have never struck me as one that would not love books. You might though be someone that wouldn’t want your children ‘programmed’ by free books handed out by the krazy kat lady down the street. I would understand that entirely.
No parents ever showed up at my house to complain, thank goodness. Once a man walking with his kid started looking through the book box with him (a little guy about 8) and the dad asked if he could have one of the books. He said that he had read Sci-Fi when he was much younger and didn’t think he had ever read that particular Heinlein book (or Del Ray or Pohl or another author that had written like, 47 books) so I told him to help himself too.
That quote was from “Democracy Inc. by Sheldon S. Wolin. I recommend watching Jeff Sharlet on Rachel Maddow for info on the Family, and Jeremy Scahill for info on Blackwater’s chrisitan soldiers.