Last week, we discussed the arrest of anti-gay California Senator Roy Ashburn (R., Bakersfield) for DUI after reportedly leaving a gay bar with an unidentified man. He has now confirmed that he is in fact gay.
The statement came in an interview with KERN radio host Inga Barks when Ashburn stated “I’m gay. Those are the words that have been so difficult for me for so long.”
He explained his staunch anti-Gay voting record as “a reflection of how the majority of voters in his conservative district would have wanted him to vote . . .I felt my duty — and I still feel this way — is to represent my constituents, not my own point of view, not my own internal conflict.” Really? This is not exactly what the Framers envisioned of the role of a legislator in a representative democracy. Leaders are expected on occasion to lead, particularly on civil rights and liberties.” He voted against anti-discrimination laws and the recognition of out-of-state gay marriages. Last year, he opposed a bill to establish a day of honoring slain gay rights activist Harvey Milk.
He insists that being gay is not “something that has affected, nor will it affect, how I do my job.” That is the particularly pathetic part of the interview. Ashburn would like to continue to serve as a senator, voting against his personal beliefs to bar citizens from full civil rights. What exactly is the draw of public service to such a person? I would think that the father of four would have less difficulty explaining that he is gay than why he continues to vote against his own beliefs just to stay a state senator.
For the story, click here.
I know a guy who has had two wives come out and leave him. Also, my sister in law and her first husband got divorced after he came out. In these cases, all the ex couples are great friends and continue to care about and for each other, and their kids.
While I am sure it was not a fun experience to go through, neither are separations and divorces that happen for other reasons. I don’t think it is always as traumatic for everyone as you imagine – or necessarily more traumatic than, for example, finding out that the husband you believed to be a faithful person was out shagging anything that moved. That is also a deception which could also cause feelings of tremendous hurt,anger and feelings of inadequacy. To take an extreme example, one might expect that is exactly how Elin Woods is feeling these days. I think in some cases the spouse begins to suspect the truth and is not actually that blindsided when it comes out into the open.
Ashburn was divorced a number of years ago, so I suspect this recent news does not come as a surprise to his family at this point.
Amon RE….
I agree with you 100%. Society as a whole needs to stop being so concerned with what people are doing in their bedrooms….who cares! All people deserve to love and be loved without fear of condemnation. Unfortunately when a homosexual chooses to try to live a straight life he/she is not only depriving him/herself of the love and intamacy shared between partners but is also denying the straight partner that has been chosen to unknowingly include in the lifelong lie. I believe that in most cases, the lie eventually becomes uncovered causing tremendous hurt, anger and feelings of inadequacy on the part of the straight partner.
Canadian Eh,
Yep … there are lot’s of those too and we know what intentional damage they can wreck on a young man’s life.
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Amon Re
“Make no mistake there is no excuse for what that man did and there is no excuse for what our society has turned this guy and many others into.”
I particularly agree with the last part of that sentence!!
Where to start…. First let me state that this senator is a scumbag in my opinon, having said that this is a subject I do know something about.. When I was young man long ago….most of us…(GAY PEOPLE) lived our lives in lies 24 hours a day 7 days a week cause if we didnt we were thrown out by our families lost all of our friends… lost or jobs and became targets for abuse and terror from every sides. Nothing vice cops loved more than going into bars frequented by fags, who mind you were doing nothing but dancing and drinking, and draging us out and beating the crap out of us before they threw us in jail….and nobody cared…Byron is always talking about we all have equal rights under the law…well to you I say you sir have no idea what your talking about….hell Im no flaming queen im a professional man so forget the steriotype stuff……In the course of my life I have become friends and aquaintances of many guy who like this senator in calif lived the lie…these are men who have been married in some cases 30 and 40 years with kids in the amounts up to 10….in some cases they could have been your father,husband, brother, or whoever that worked late or went bowling with the boys or a million other excuses to get away for a little while to try and find there own kind.
I dont pretend to understand people like this guy, but I guess the old saying “I think he doth protest too much” is right on the money….This is a differnet world we live in today but there are still lots and lots of guys in the closet with wifes and families and carrers that could be ruined.. We, none of us know the deep dark recesses of our loved ones thoughts….
ignor the spelling mistakes…im no typist…and your all lucky cause I could say lots more…and forgive me for rambling I do that when I angry….
Make no mistake there is no excuse for what that man did and there is no excuse for what our society has turned this guy and many others into.
Blousie,
Funnny, I gave the same lectures about ” bad girlfriends ” to my sons now!!!
The conversation between Canadian and Swarthmore reminds me of the lectures I used to give my daughters on “bad boyfriends” and what one must do within oneself to stop attracting them or being attracted to them.
He says he voted against gay rights because those votes were “a reflection of how the majority of voters in his conservative district would have wanted him to vote . . .I felt my duty — and I still feel this way — is to represent my constituents, not my own point of view, not my own internal conflict.” But if his constituents are so homophobic they would never have elected him had they known he was gay. So for his own personal gain–winning office–he’s willing to go against the desires of his constituents to not be represented by a gay person.
Oops….first sentence should read ” Perhaps it,s not a matter of NOT desiring…..”
Smom,
That depends on the flavor of their particular pathology. Some pathological liars are of the suave nature you describe but they are usually considered sociopaths. Their lies have function and serve a purpose.
Some pathological liars make up some real howlers though. I mean left field stuff. I once knew a guy who was a fibber on a good day. And good days were the ones he took his meds. But once Jesus (and his new girlfriend) told him to quit taking his meds? I mean the loopiest of lies would compulsively spill out of his mouth. “I taught my dog to speak English” kinds of lies.
Others still make up lies for no apparent reason other than to lie – it has no benefit to the liar other than to give them a chance to move their lips. The lies themselves may not be outrageous at all and they could be of a sort that have no social or economic gain. For example, I have a friend in a relationship with a pathological liar and he recently told mutual acquaintances that she had injured herself in a fall at a funeral when the truth was she simply slipped on an icy spot while at work.
The key is the compulsion. Sociopaths can and will tell the truth if it suits them or gets them what they want. Not all pathological liars are created equal.
Perhaps it’s not a matter of desiring intimacy but fearing intimacy or not understanding what true intimacy feels like early in the relationship. Lter perhaps it’s more a situation of being stuck in the relationship because of what life throws their way.
The unavailability comes into play because the victim cannot achieve intimacy with this person so at a deeper level the so called victim does not really desire intimacy.
Yes they do, you’re right. Usually the charm and the attention that they initially pay their partner gets him or ” hooked “, however I don’t think that wanting to be treated well makes someone unavailable.
Canadian Eh They are very charming, but they also fulfill a need for their victims.
Swarthmore mom,
You may be right, however most pathalogical liars are very good, which is why they are called pathalogical.