All Dogs Go To Heaven: Church Begins Pet Ministry

Calvary Episcopal Church has started what is billed as the first service for animals: the “Perfect Paws Pet Ministry” to gain Heaven for pets that heed and heel upon hearing the word of God.

The Danvers church will hold the pet masses on the third Sunday of every month (it appears pets need one-fourth of the religious guidance of adults).

In the interests of assisting pets to paradise, here is a variation of the 10 Commandments for dogs:

I. Thou shalt have no other dogs before me.

II. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

III. Thou shalt not chew unto any graven image.

IV. Thou shalt keep the living room couch holy.

V. Thou shalt honor thy owner and thy pet trainer.

VI. Thou shalt not kill They Neighbor’s Cat.

VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery with the neighbor’s poodle.

VIII. Thou shalt not steal the bones of other dogs.

IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness by barking through the night.

X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods or bury those goods in the backyard.

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8 thoughts on “All Dogs Go To Heaven: Church Begins Pet Ministry”

  1. As much as I love animals, I question whether they have an eternal spirit like humans made in the image of God. There are probably animals and birds in heaven, though, because Revelation depicts Jesus and the saints coming back to earth on white horses. God could create an exact duplicate of the pets we enjoyed on earth.

  2. we have a drive-in church here in daytona that’s popular with some pet owners. i don’t go though as my dog is pagan and the cats are all into animal sacrifice.

  3. I wonder what ‘God’ is doing in commandment number II. Who is that? Isn’t it supposed to be Dog?

    ‘II. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy Dog in vain.’

    In any case, the dog I live with, Mr Dog, finds it impossible to comply with several, if not most, of the commandments. It doesn’t matter, however, since he’s not the kind of dog who’d join an established faith. He’s a guru and has started his own cult. The advantage of being a guru is that nobody else can tell you which poodles you’re not allowed to approach romantically.

  4. The feast of St Francis of Assisi, Oct 4, is the day they bless the animals at some catholic churches.

  5. II. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.


    II. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy Dog in vain.

  6. There is a Catholic Church here in Columbus that has an annual special blessing event for pets. I usually hear about it after the fact. Otherwise I’d take my dog even though neither one of us is Catholic.

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