Meet Baxter: Pet of the Week

Big Fella’s Baxter Ward is this week’s Pet of the Week.

Name: Baxter Ward

Breed: WMK (Walmart kitty from a guy hanging out in front of Walmart with a cardboard box of kitties).

Age: 7-2/3

Quirks: Fixation with being brushed and licking his hair brush.

Favorite food: Cereal.


1. What story or habit sums up your pet’s character or lack thereof?

Baxter is very assertive and clever in terms of knowing what he wants, there are kitty brushes in strategic locations throughout the house, and he knows where they all are, and will knock them off of what ever piece of furniture or platform they rest on to let you know that he wants some grooming. When he was but a small little tyke and his humans would try to confine him to a bedroom, behind a closed door, he figured out how to leap up to the door knob and try to open the door, he was only thwarted by the found knob, if it had been a lever, he would have been out of there. He, like his siblings, has learned how to open kitchen cabinets and swing doors open, no human who lives in the same house is ever assured of complete bathroom privacy.

2. What historical figure does your pet most resemble? (Outfits are permitted)
Baxter most resembles Babe Ruth, and he takes Babe to heart, living by Babe’s quote “You just can’t beat the person who never gives up.” If, after he has knocked all of the hair brushes on to the floor, and you haven’t taken the hint, he will knock any pens off tables and desks, and then find those important notes and phone numbers you wrote down on scraps of paper, and proceed to eat them, which is usually just enough to get a human attendant to pick up a brush.

3. Why would your pet be a good choice for the Supreme Court and what judicial philosophy would he or she likely bring to rulings?

Baxter would not make a very good Supreme Court Justice, he would not have the patience to tolerate listening to some bullshit from one side or the other, he’d just be expecting some kitty treats under the bench.

4. What public office would your pet be best suited to assume?

In terms of public office, Baxter would make a good sheriff, he already keeps his younger siblings in line around the house, although he is usually one of the first of the family felines to hide when a stranger comes in the front door, so on second thought maybe he’d do better as the head of FEMA (never there when you need him).

5. Which Supreme Court justice or leading politician would you feel most comfortable and least comfortable in using as a pet sitter for a weekend?

The Big Fella clan would feel most comfortable having Rod Blagojovich pet sitting with Baxter, we would be assured that Baxter’s hair care needs would be properly attended to, and Baxter would be able to pick up some new ideas on how to cadge kitty treat bribes. We would never let Dick Cheney get anywhere near Baxter, Dick would probably try to test his latest interrogation technique out.

7 thoughts on “Meet Baxter: Pet of the Week”

  1. Big Feller’s Big Black Cat reminded me of this great, jazzy 60s instumental.

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