Politics of Contraband: Jerks Smuggle Jerky to Finance 34 Mile Trip

Submitted by Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

Steve Martin’s character, Navin Johnson, has nothing on two West Virginia residents hell-bent to rescue a relative with car trouble. Hearing the plea for help, but without sufficient funds to finance the 34 mile trip from Somerset, PA to New Stanton, PA, cousins Michael Allen Graham, 37, and John Edward Barry, 35,  got  resourceful. Believing they could “live off the land,” so to speak, the Milton, WVa duo began an alleged shoplifting spree at gas stations and auto parts stores in the general direction of the disabled motorist.

Police say in an affidavit they saw “a large amount of boxed and packaged beef jerky,”  “Slim Jims,” and socket sets on the car’s rear seat. The two-man gang hoped to sell their take for gas and toll money. The reason for the stop was that police noticed that the pair’s front license plate was precariously hanging from the bumper.

You can’t make this stuff up!

Source: msnbc

~Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

47 thoughts on “Politics of Contraband: Jerks Smuggle Jerky to Finance 34 Mile Trip”

  1. at 34 miles for the trip it’s gonna be one short movie, unless it has a few “dukes of hazzard” style jumps. HEE HAA

  2. I kinda like an ode to the late Warren Zevon.

    “Werewolves of Scranton”.

  3. Thank you HenMan. They are under serious consideration along with:

    A Snack is Born;

    To Have and To Get Caught;

    CasaJerky;

    and my personal favorite:

    Car Wars: The Slim Jim Strikes Back!

  4. Suggested titles for the movie:

    “Schlindler’s List of Beef Flavored Snacks”

    “Chariots of Dumbasses”

    “Gone With the Beef Jerky”

  5. AY Of course you would have been admitted to any Texas school. I was only joking. I sent my children far away Texas for a different experience. They probably would have done fine in Austin, and I would have saved a lot of money.

  6. The title could be….. The Hitcher in The Ditch…..Be careful of the Evil Witch….. or Moving in Traffic, the return of the Convenience store bandits…..

    SWM,

    Maybe….I will say I could have gotten into pert near any Texas School that I wanted…..I wanted to broaden my horizons… I think it would be safe to say….that about 96% of the Natural Born Texas citizens have never ventured outside of Texas…if they have its been only across the border states….

  7. Gotta run! Suzanne and I have wonderful afternoon planned at the landfill after all my yard work yesterday. It was 78 here yesterday, you know.

  8. “I’m thinking etheral voice from on-high, Lord High Chancellor, or … bartender.”

    Also very good choices.

  9. BIL:

    “I see a part in this film for a strange hitchhiker, possibly played by Bob, Esq. or maybe Johnny Depp.”

    ****************

    They’re not the same?? We’ll take up JT’s role at the upcoming cast meeting. I’m thinking etheral voice from on-high, Lord High Chancellor, or … bartender.

  10. “Now where to cast JT?”

    Might I suggest as the good cop/foil/voice of reason to a rather Bufford T. Justice like LEO on our trail of wanton petty larceny and debauchery.

    After seeing him in action with McCaskill, the Prof would make a great straight man.

  11. I see a part in this film for a strange hitchhiker, possibly played by Bob, Esq. or maybe Johnny Depp.

  12. Blouise:

    “Is there a part for a looney cello player who runs a meth lab out of her shack in the back country and smuggles drugs in the Zarge of her instrument?”

    *************

    There is now. Now where to cast JT?

  13. AY,
    Then these two braniacs were fellow Harvard alums? 🙂
    I don’t know if want in to the movie, but I would be happy to drive the limo to the Awards parties!

  14. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bE_X2pDRXyY&w=640&h=390] Here’s a very good meth movie for you Blouise.

  15. Is there a part for a looney cello player who runs a meth lab out of her shack in the back country and smuggles drugs in the Zarge of her instrument? One or two scenes would suffice … perhaps she thinks Mike, in his disabled vehicle, is a Fed working surveillance … anyone who has watched “Justified” gets the picture I’m trying to paint.

    I’m just trying to get a seat at the Oscar/Globes party table with all you nominees ……

  16. You know rafflaw….

    HARD VARD offers a program for the gifted and talented….. Not that they’d dumb down the academics for anyone….But didn’t George the II get in there? Heck he couldn’t even get into Texas…. and I did…..lol….. I suppose he did not have as good of connections as I did……. but then again….I had two cousins on the Board of regents when I applied in November and was accepted in the next January…..

    Suffice it to say…. I did not some Honors II programs…. I think….but that was back then and this is now….

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