Ken Anderson, 47, is understandably confused. As a teenager, he was abandoned by his mother, Shirley Anderson, 73, and had to live with other families, quit school, and raise himself. Now his elderly mother has filed in British Columbia for parental support.
Anderson has been fighting the lawsuit since 2000. The mother has not had a relationship with Ken or his two siblings for decades, is asking for $750 per month in support from each of them.
Anderson was 15 when his parents and younger brother moved away and simply left him behind.
I find the fact that this case is considered even credible rather disturbing. It seems to me that any actionable or cognizable relationship was severed by the parent years ago. Of course, we do not have the concept of parental support, which is based on an analogous concept to child support. Putting aside this case and cases of prior abandonment, do you think the United States should have a parental support law?
Source: CBC
“The nerve of some people’s children.”
Eryka, your Grandma sounds like a very cool lady.
🙂
erykah, I am thankful to my parents despite it all. They taught me how not to parent.
Children learn from what they see their parents DO not what they say.
We all grow up with scars and some peoples are worse than others. We can grow up being resentful and live with bitterness or we can grow up and live with love and compassion. I think you took the right road and I think your daughter will always look after you.
LOL at the scary movies but, hey we use what tools we have.
Mespo, Mike and others –thanks so much for your sentiments.
Mike, my husband loss his parents within six months of each other. It was very difficult and I know he still misses them a lot even though they have been gone 20 years. Btw, I saw your response to my Jewish question. Thank you.
I echo what others have said. One should not be forced by law to care for parents. I feel that if you do your job as a parent, your kids will do the right thing by you. Now, of course there are exceptions.
I am thankful to my parents despite it all. They taught me how not to parent. I love being a mother. My kids 17 (deaf/autistic) and 21 (Harvard senior) are the most important people in my life. If my oldest does not take care of me when I am old, when I die I am going to come back and haunt her. God does she hate scary movies. :))
I know several people who refuse to have their deceased parents’ mail delivered to their house. They don’t want to get all the medical bills. If kids are forced by the State to be responsible for their parents they could get stuck with those huge bills. The hospitals and such might like that but it would leave the children destitute for the rest of their lives. I think we are talking a perpetual cycle of indebtness.
I think the concept of parental support is insane. People who were well cared for by their parents will, in most cases, not need to be forced by the law to take some hand in ensuring their parents are cared for in their old age. People who were not owe nothing legally to those parents–especially parents who abandoned them or were responsible for outright abusing them physically or sexually.
I am reminded of my mother, whose parents split up while she was still very young, and did a rotten job of caring whether their three children lived or died. Only very briefly did my mother or her sisters ever live with either parent. Years later, after having started an adult life of her own, my mother took on the responsibility of caring for her mother when she became ill, regardless of the lack of real parenting she had received. My mother was very religious and took the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother” to heart, and she believed in her obligation to honor and take care of her parents regardless of whether they had done the same for her. But at least the choice to take on that obligation was hers. The government didn’t force her to make it, or garnish her wages to force her to financially support a parent who seldom acted as a parent to her.
Erykah,
I was luckier than you in that I had good parents. When they died I was 18 so it was time to get on my own anyway. I still miss them 49 years later.
With you though I find your feelings understandable and I feel they are appropriate. Parenthood is not the act of conception, or the act of birth. It is the nurturing of the infant, child and then teenager. If you didn’t give it to your child when they most needed it, then you don’t deserve their respect when they don’t need you. Indeed thank God for your two Grandmother’s, they were your real parents.
Put into the context of this thread I don’t believe that responsibility for parent’s should be made into a law. If you’ve reared your children well, you won’t have to ask for help if you need it, they’ll be there not out of gratitude or duty, but out of love. If you deserted them at their time of need, then they don’t deserve you in their lives. Does the burden then fall upon the State? Yes it does, because a civilized and humane people shouldn’t let people starve, even if they weren’t the best society has to offer, most times though they’re in that position because they were just unlucky in this game of life.
I want to echo Mespo’s words erykah! Thank god for your grandmothers!
When we lost my Dad during the Korean conflict, the next door neighbors offered to adopt me since my Mom had 5 kids under the age of 6 and I was the youngest and tended to hang out next door because the Husband had a wonderful train set that was heaven to me. I did not learn of this offer, but thank goodness my Mom declined and put up with me for years to come.
erykah:
Yours is a sad, but wonderful story of family support and nuturing even if it wasn’t the ones you’d naturally expect.
Wow, that is a lot of nerve, but it doesn’t surprise me in the least. I was abandoned by my father as an infant, then abandoned by my mother when I was a pre-teen. Thank God for 2 wonderful grandmothers. My parents are both now bent out of shape because I ignore them. Go figure. In the words of my maternal grandmother, “The nerve of some people’s children.”
“Absolutely not. A parent’s job is to prepare their child to function independently to the best of that child’s ability – not to raise them in hopes that said child will be a cash cow in their old age.”
Well said. My mother has told me several times that it is not my responsibility to take care of her financially. It is her responsibility to make sure she has enough money to take care of herself.
While child support is basically legislating morality, because the child cannot care for itself financially, I think this might have negative economic incentives. Parents would be less inclined to insure their own future well-being under the assumption that their children would handle it.
I think the very question is insulting. No child asked to be brought into this world and any obligation owed to his/her parents is moral and not legal.
I would not want a parental support law because the Right would use it to end Social Security and Medicare. I like Frankly’s comment about suing for back child support since she abandoned him decades ago. This is an abusive lawsuit and should be treated as such.
I practiced US law in Germany for 10 years. Under the German system, a child can claim support up to (I think) age 27 if the child is still in school. On the other end, aged parents can claim support from their children after a certain age if they are in necessitous circumstances. My understanding was that this occurred only under unusual situations. My impression was that under the “civil law” system, things just were a touch more civilized.
The best definition of “Chutzpah” is murdering your parents and throwing yourself on the mercy of the court as an orphan. This case seems to be the equal of that “former” best definition.
Putting aside this case and cases of prior abandonment, do you think the United States should have a parental support law?
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Yes. I think we should do everything that England does. I miss my Mother Country!
Can I be the Queen?
Ditto on what Dredd said…
“Putting aside this case and cases of prior abandonment, do you think the United States should have a parental support law?”
Absolutely not. A parent’s job is to prepare their child to function independently to the best of that child’s ability – not to raise them in hopes that said child will be a cash cow in their old age.
Now, regarding this case, I find it beyond appalling, and have lost a great deal of my former respect for the nation of Canada for having put such a law on the books in the first place.
“do you think the United States should have a parental support law?” (JT)
Legislating moral obligation is always tricky.
From my understanding “this parental support law has its origins in a desire on the part of Canadian provincial governments in the 1920s and 1930s to reduce their obligations to provide social assistance to the indigent.” so I would agree with Dredd’s statement, “I think that is what Social Security was designed for isn’t it?”
This sounds like a Hensnarling / Cantor / Perry plot against social security.
“do you think the United States should have a parental support law?”
I think that is what Social Security was designed for isn’t it?
Given the drive to destroy the social safety net my guess is we will require a parental support law soon enough.
Can he counter sue for back child support?